Asking The Father's Permission For Marriage: Old and done, or traditional?

I think from reading the responses here, it's obvious it depends on the individuals' wishes regarding this issue.

Maybe my situation was different, but my proposal certainly did not come out of the blue. We talked about the future, marriage, kids and what not several times before I actually popped the question.

During those talks, she made it rather clear that she thought it'd be a good idea if I talked to her mom first before actually proposing.

And I see IJAG addressed this issue already.

 

Yeah, it's all about the special lady. If, like SC, she didn't want me to, I sure wouldn't press the issue. I'm marrying the woman, not daddy.

 

All I know is if my fiance thought so little of me as to think I was asking her father's blessing as some kind of property claim, we probably shouldn't be getting married.

And geez, I didn't even begin negotiating the dowry until much later in the conversation.

 

Despite what I said above, if this is her father ...



... then you damn well better ask.

 

My little sister just got engaged this summer. Her fiance, not necessarily being a traditionalist but because he was too giddy to keep it in before actually proposing to her, asked me and my mom for blessing/permission/whatev at dinner one night. I thought that was hella cool, and was very honored that he included me, too.

 

I don't get along with my in-laws, never really liked them, yet I was 100% on board with asking their permission. They lived like 100 miles away. I lied to my (wife) about where I was going, rolled over to her parents' house and asked them.

It's not about viewing my wife as property. It's about showing her parents some respect, though they totally don't deserve it.

Someone earlier said the FIL said: "Awww, you didn't have to ask me."

$50 cash money says he was impressed.

I can't think of a situation where being old-school polite would get you into trouble. People might not think it's appropriate or whatever, but at least they'll see that you're making the attempt to be polite. Why not?

 

He was probably enamored by your wealth of knowledge of the Dead Ball Era.

 

Number please.

 

Nah, I just bought him a beer that night.

 

I agree with those who say it's outdated and sexist, and I did it only because my wife made it clear I had to. I felt ridiculous asking my FIL, but it's two minutes out of my life, so what's the harm? We have a pretty modern marriage otherwise -- she kept her last name, we go 50-50 on everything financial, there's a fair division of household labor, etc.

 

I really liked my sister's boyfriends because they knew that was the key to our relationship. Shit, that's the main reason I get along with my brother-in-law.

 

Maybe you just want to give the parents a heads-up, too, and keep them in the loop.

I mean, who's gonna say no? The only way a sane parent is gonna say no is when their kid is marrying a total douche, and that's the kind of guy who would just elope and say "screw your dad/mom," anyway.