Asking The Father's Permission For Marriage: Old and done, or traditional?

"So Babs, I was thinking, that before I ask you to marry me next Thursday that I would, you know, check with your old man to see if he's cool with it. You on board with that?"

 

If her father is one of the Plantagenets, I'd do it.
Otherwise, for all its surface civility, it's a throwback to the days when women were property to be bartered.
If you do it, though, make sure to lift a flagon of ale, lest ye be thought a varlet.

 

I think it's a nice thing to do, but, boy, that's a tough question.

My father-in-law definitely would have said no to his third daughter if her boyfriend had asked. Everyone in the family thought those two getting married was an enormous mistake, but turns out everyone would have been wrong. They've now been married, I'm guessing, 15 years with everything going swimmingly.

 

I didn't ask my FIL. I hadn't even met him yet. My wife didn't care.

 

FACT!

I didn't do it. In fact, I didn't even meet my father-in-law until after we were engaged. Then again, I wasn't exactly going to jump on an airplane and fly to China without knowing the language or having a translator with me.

Additionally, my wife and I have things pretty cool. There's lots of communication. There really aren't many surprises.

 

My FIL's response when I asked was, "That'll work." It constituted high praise from the man.

Unless you have a bad relationship with the future in-laws, there's really no downside to doing it. We all know it's the woman's decision, but asking for dad's blessing is a sign of respect and a good way to get off on the right foot with the in-laws. Plus your fiance will almost certainly find it charming.

 

Well, I've been married several times and I never asked.

 

Cadet brings up a very good point. Most women don't want to feel like property.

So, let me ask you guys this. What if the bride-to-be asks the groom's parents for his hand in marriage?

Edit: Sorry ArnoldBabar, I would have been ticked off.

 

I would be rather insulted if my boyfriend asked my father for his permission to propose to me. I'm my own woman, and I don't need my father's OK to get married.

 

Ditto. I can't say it ever occurred to me (or my wife, for that matter) to ask.

 

My wife didn't ask my parents for their blessing when she asked me to marry her.

In our case, I guess, it was old and done.

My wife's twin sister, on the other hand, had her hubby ask dad for his blessing and his response was "Why are you asking me? She's the one you want to marry."

 

Oh, come off it. Him giving permission, like a blessing, is not saying you have to marry the guy or that you're now his property to clean and cook.

It's common courtesy.