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Asking The Father's Permission For Marriage: Old and done, or traditional?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Flying Headbutt, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. Flying Headbutt

    Flying Headbutt Moderator Staff Member

    Have we reached a point in society where potential grooms asking for the potential bride's father to give his blessing is no longer a custom worth keeping? Or is it a good, old fashioned tribute to the family?

    Just curious. I have a good friend who, a few years ago, made sure to get the blessing before he popped the question. But my dad never bothered 30-some years ago when he asked my mom, though part of that was, I think, because he thought my grandparents would have said no. But now with my sister about to get proposed to, it's been made clear that my dad doesn't want any part of that blessing nonsense, and if the boy wants to ask her, he can just go ahead and let her decide.

    Me personally I haven't gotten that far, yet, with anyone. Though I had one girl make clear that if I expected to, I'd better get the blessing first.

    So? Arguments for? And against?
     
  2. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    If you like and respect the pops, it's nice.
     
  3. Platyrhynchos

    Platyrhynchos Active Member

    I didn't ask my FIL for permission.

    He likely would have said, "No."

    Not really. I like my ex-FIL and MIL, and they like(d) me.
     
  4. Big Buckin' agate_monkey

    Big Buckin' agate_monkey Active Member

    A friend of my got engaged 2 weeks ago. Her fiance asked her folks first. I'll ask when i get to that point
     
  5. D-3 Fan

    D-3 Fan Active Member

    It depends on who the old man is. If he's still old school, go and ask him for his blessing. If he doesn't think it's a big deal, go on and pop the question to the fiancee.

    Some dads think it's nice that someone asks them for a blessing to ask their daughters' hand in marriage. It shows respect to them and their daughters. It's like an affirmation of trust.
     
  6. Webster

    Webster Well-Known Member

    I didn't -- thought that it was antiquated and somewhat sexist.

    My father-in-law, a bleeding heart's bleeding heart, who hasn't said a cross word to me in the 10 years that I've dated/lived with/was engaged to/married to his daughter, wished that I would have.
     
  7. I think it's a matter of respect to ask the parents first, assuming that your significant other has a good relationship with her folks.
     
  8. Platyrhynchos

    Platyrhynchos Active Member

    Mine didn't.
    Only after we were married did she get back on terms with her parents.
    I like to think I had a little say in that matter.

    I really don't think it is at all necessary to ask permission, and think the custom likely stems from way back when dowries were paid.
    Besides, if the future FIL says no, chances are the couple will elope and really piss off the ol' boy.
     
  9. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    My wife is wearing her mother's ring who has since passed. Since the ring was in the father's possession...

    I would have asked her dad anyway.

    I forget to get on one knee, though. I popped when we were walking the dogs in the park.

    The one thing I did do right was do it in a place that will always be there. It's nice to say something when we drive past.
     
  10. GB-Hack

    GB-Hack Active Member

    I did, and while it didn't work out, I'm glad I did.

    He was very good to me.
     
  11. Cadet

    Cadet Guest

    Congrats to Sis FH!

    And have any of you considered asking the WOMAN what she wants? Your relationship ain't about her dad. She may have strong feelings about you asking her father, one way or the other. Assuming your proposal doesn't come out of left field (and it shouldn't), consult her about the need for a parental blessing before the formal proposal.
     
  12. wickedwritah

    wickedwritah Guest

    But that would require good communication. Why have that? ???
     
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