Ask Miss Manners -- cremation ceremony etiquette

Ernie, the father of a friend of my mom, died in December. She got an invite in the mail to attend the scattering of the ashes. He had been in the Merchant Marines, so they're tossing his ashes overboard.

The headline on the invite: "Free Ern from his urn!"

The closing [After "RSVP! Or surprise us!)"] was "Send E out to sea!"

I have no idea what Miss Manners would say, but I thought it was amazingly funny.

Is there some kind of death etiquette? For me, the timing was funny because I'd just watched the "King of the Hill" Episode wherer Hank flushes Cotton down Patton's toilet.

 

The Big Lebowski showed me it's always smart to stand upwind during these types of ceremonies.

 

I don't think there's any set standard. Currently my dad's ashes have been left at several of his favorite places all of the U.S., with more to come.

 

Wasn't there a guy who poured his father's ashes on the field of a NFL game while they were still playing?

BTW, I think "Free Ern from his urn" is hilarious.

 

I don't think I'm the best person to ask for this. I buried dad yesterday with a copy of the ticket I got before his wake.

I can see him looking at me disapprovingly right now, but Dr. J is convinced he was behind the ticket. It all balances out.

 

There's nothing wrong with treating a funeral with some humor and levity to help ease the grief, especially if the deceased had a sense of humor as well.

My father died from melanoma the morning of Jan. 21, 2001 (the day Bush was being inaugurated for his first term). At the funeral two days later I cracked that I know my father didn't want Bush to be president, but I didn't think he'd go to this extreme to avoid seeing it happen.

 

You may be thinking of this.