Are Apes People, Too?

Animal rights activists want a 26-year-old Austrian chimp named Hiasl declared a "person" so that he may own property and receive donations to help keep him alive.

Hope he's ready to pay taxes, too.

Turns out a handful of countries are considering declaring apes as people.

This raises all sorts of issues: Some countries might consider apes humans but we don't guarantee the same right to fetuses .... hmmm. Would we no longer have the right to put apes in cages? And if one of them throws its own poop at a human, would it be charged with assault?



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070504/ap_on_re_eu/chimp_challenge

From AP: Austria isn't the only country where primate rights are being debated. Spain's parliament is considering a bill that would endorse the Great Ape Project, a Seattle-based international initiative to extend "fundamental moral and legal protections" to apes.

If Hiasl gets a guardian, "it will be the first time the species barrier will have been crossed for legal 'personhood,'" said Jan Creamer, chief executive of Animal Defenders International, which is working to end the use of primates in research.

Paula Stibbe, a Briton who teaches English in Vienna, petitioned a district court to be Hiasl's legal trustee. On April 24, Judge Barbara Bart rejected her request, ruling Hiasl didn't meet two key tests: He is neither mentally impaired nor in an emergency.

Although Bart expressed concern that awarding Hiasl a guardian could create the impression that animals enjoy the same legal status as humans, she didn't rule that he could never be considered a person.

Martin Balluch, who heads the Association Against Animal Factories, has asked a federal court for a ruling on the guardianship issue.

"Chimps share 99.4 percent of their DNA with humans," he said. "OK, they're not homo sapiens. But they're obviously also not things — the only other option the law provides."

 

As a proud native of Seattle, it embarrasses me greatly to see this as an initiative from there. Hopefully it is from someone living in Kent or Puyallup, but I am sure it is coming from Seattle.

 

Heresy!

 

Watch the documentary on Koko sometime and tell me that ain't a person.

 

Fremont, no doubt.



I have watched the documentary on Koko twice, and I'm telling you, that's not a person. That said, if the current news turns out to be true, she's superior to Julio Mateo.

 

JackyJack, Koko is so human she tried to coerce handlers to show her their tits, producing multiple (!) sexual harrassment lawsuits.

And speaking of subhumans gesticulating for their missing bananas, that damned gorilla is smarter than anyone I ever worked for in journalism.

 

Troy: What's wrong with me?

Dr. Zaius: I think you're crazy.

Troy: I want a second opinion.

Dr. Zaius: You're also lazy

 

I love legitimate theater.

 

PART MAN, PART MONKEY
by Bruce Springsteen

They prosecuted some poor sucker in these United States
For teaching that man descended from the apes
They coulda settled that case without a fuss or fight
If they'd seen me chasin' you, sugar, through the jungle last night
They'da called in that jury and a one two three said
Part man, part monkey, definitely

Well the church bell rings from the corner steeple
Man in a monkey suit swears he'll do no evil
Offers his lover's prayer but his soul lies
Dark and driftin' and unsatisfied
Well hey bartender, tell me whaddaya see
Part man, part monkey, looks like to me

Well the night is dark, the moon is full
The flowers of romance exert their pull
We talk awhile, my fingers slip
I'm hard and crackling like a whip

Well did God make man in a breath of holy fire
Or did he crawl on up out of the muck and mire
Well the man on the street believes what the bible tells him so
Well you can ask me, mister, because I know
Tell them soul-suckin' preachers to come on down and see
Part man, part monkey, baby that's me

 

APEMAN
by the Kinks

I think I'm sophisticated
cos I'm living my life like a good homosapien
But all around me everybody's multiplying
Till they're walking round like flies man
So I'm no better than the animals sitting in their cages
In the zoo man
cos compared to the flowers and the birds and the trees
I am an ape man
I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilized
cos I'm a strict vegetarian
But with the over-population and inflation and starvation
And the crazy politicians
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore and make like an ape man
I'm an ape man, Im an ape ape man
I'm an ape man Im a king kong man Im ape ape man
I'm an ape man
cos compared to the sun that sits in the sky
Compared to the clouds as they roll by
Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies
I am an ape man
In man's evolution he has created the cities and
The motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance
And I'd be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle
cos the only time that I feel at ease
Is swinging up and down in a coconut tree
Oh what a life of luxury to be like an ape man
I'm an ape, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a king kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man
I look out my window, but I can't see the sky
cos the air pollution is fogging up my eyes
I want to get out of this city alive
And make like an ape man
Come and love me, be my ape man girl
And we will be so happy in my ape man world
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a king kong man, Im a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man
I'll be your tarzan, youll be my jane
I'll keep you warm and you'll keep me sane
And we'll sit in the trees and eat bananas all day
Just like an ape man
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a king kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man.
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore
And make like an ape man.

 

and the argument that man and apes are not related

NO MISSING LINK
by Dan Bern

They looked for the missing link
There's no missing link
They'll never find the missing link
There's no missing link
We're not something
You can figure out with an equation
We are the genetic mutation

Aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey
Aliens came and fucked the monkey
They fucked the monkey
Aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey

Darwin tried explaining it
Darwin the best he could
Evolution, pretty theory
But how could Darwin know?

That aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey
Aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey

How explain fax machines?
How else explain computer enhancement?
How else explain fiber optics?
How else explain Mozart?

We do not belong here
This planet was a terrarium
Intergalactic broken home
Have to go outer space
And one day find our Daddy

How else explain pay at the pump?
How else explain limited access freeways?
How else explain digital remastering?
Plastic flowers, linoleum, beefalo, Michael Jordan?
Religion?
Astronomy?
Astrology
That looks to the stars

We do not belong here
This planet was a terrarium
Seven billion bastards
Screaming for our Daddy

Aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey
Aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey
Aliens came and f**ked the monkey
They f**ked the monkey