April Fools Day 2011

Stupid, crazy stuff happens and doesn't care what date it is.

If your wife comes in screaming, "Call an ambulance! A kid fell in our pool and is unconscious!" will you pick up the phone . . . or wait for the punch line?

 

I suckered for a Bob Knight to Missouri crank.

 

I once copied the coding of another wire story and duped my soccer-hating boss into believing that MLS had awarded an expansion franchise to Green Bay.

This year, in a column, I wrote about the "marginalization of the red-headed athlete," and created an organization "devoted to recognizing the accomplishments of red-haired athletes" called "Redheads Understanding Sporting Excellence."

 

I always quickly ask if it is an April Fool's joke. If they say no and it really is then they deserve to have the crap kicked out of them. If you call them on a joke and they lie about it then they are just jerks.

 

I pulled two April Fools jokes this year, none of them major.

The first one, I linked to the official video of Rebecca Black's horrendous song "Friday" and called it the greatest song evar.

For the second one, I told my boss I had a "major problem" with my compliance store and that it dipped way below the minimum required. When he literally startled, I told him "April Fools" and told him what my real score was, knowing he'd see it in the report anyway.

I thought about doing one or two different ones, but I worried that they'd cross a line.

And I'm with whomever does not friend their bosses or current coworkers on Facebook and keeps his/her profile private. I do the exact same thing. If someone from work did friend me, I'd set it up so that he or she would only see basic information. I wouldn't allow them to see wall posts or status updates, even though I haven't felt the need to vent about work on my Facebook.

I was thinking of posting some diatribe about how much I hated work, only to remind people of the date, but figured I didn't want people to really believe I hated my job when I don't.

 

SID style - so you said she was injured in the penultimate paragraph?

 

That you would feel the need to waste time and ask --- while never really being sure as you reluctantly made the call, with your major concern being "Am I falling for a joke?" instead of the welfare of the kid --- shows how f'ed up the holiday is.

 

Right. Because two seconds is such a long time. Melodramatic much?

 

That's a good one. I'll have to use that next year.

 

The time wasn't the point.

That what's going through your mind is "This better not be a joke to embarrass ME" is what makes it so juveline.

Is growing up really so awful? Seems like it on here sometimes.

 

When I was I high school I forged a detention slip and had it delivered to my younger sister in the middle of class. She bought it completely and was absolutely pissed she was being given detention for whatever bullshit reason I came up with. Obviously my buddies and I completely enjoyed this.

However, when I got home that night I discovered that my sister had thrown such a walleyed fit that my dad was going to call the school to find out why his daughter was given detention. I wasn't exactly enjoying this.

At this point I had two choices, 1. Let him make the call and probably get caught - which to my 16-year-old brain meant detention for the rest of my life; or 2. Tell him I forged it and probably get my ass kicked.

I opted for No. 2 and, in the end, this is what made the joke so memorable.

I sheepishly went downstairs to his home office...

Me: "Dad, I don't think you should call the school about (sister's) detention."

Dad: "Why the hell not?"

Me: (cringing) "Uh, because I forged the note. She doesn't really have detention."

long painful pause as my dad stares at me....

Dad: "How long do you want to string this out before we tell her?"