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Apple: Corporate Tax Rates

Discussion in 'Sports and News' started by YankeeFan, Apr 30, 2012.

  1. doctorquant

    doctorquant Well-Known Member

    You mean their shareholders, right? Because GE, Transocean, et al. don't really exist.
     
  2. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    I thought I saw Amazon was something like 3.5 percent.
     
  3. Azrael

    Azrael Well-Known Member

    Per the Supreme Court, of course they do.

    In fact, they have all the rights of the individual.

    But none of the responsibilities.
     
  4. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

    Really? I the Supreme Court seems to think differently. (and yes, the shareholders).

    Jesus, when I look at the news and look at even little sacrifices we made in WW II (no nylons, round up scrap metal, buy bonds).. times have changed.
     
  5. Double Down

    Double Down Well-Known Member

    Bujumbura, Burundi -- In a decision they called "difficult, but ultimately necessary" the computer and software giant Apple announced Friday that it is packing up its operations in Burundi and moving its operations to Chancellor Gingrich's Lunar Republic, located in the Copernicus Crater in the Western Hemisphere of the moon.

    Apple, which has been based in Burundi ever since 2016, said the Burundian government's negative tax rate has been a huge part of the company's exponential growth in recent years, but the country's reluctance to allow Apple Corp to implant its popular iPhone 35 device directly into the chest cavity of all newborn Burundian babies was ultimatley a "deal breaker" and that the company had no choice but to take its operations lunar.

    "We need to go some place that will allow us to be competitive in the solar market," said the Floating Hologram of Steve Jobs. "We want to do whatever we can to protect our market share, and we've determined connecting the vital organs of every newborn to our iPhone 35 is the only way to ensure that."

    The Floating Hologram of Steve Jobs (FHofSJ) has been running the company ever since Apple learned it could simply download an updated version of Jobs from the App Store.

    "I, for one, welcome our new Apple hologram overlords," said Chancellor Darth Gingrich, who said he hoped to lure Amazon to his lunar colony over the next several months.

    "Shipping would be a bitch, but it's something we'll have to seriously consider," said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos VIII. Bezos said the company plans to release the latest version of the Kindle, which will be implanted in a user's molar, by Christmas.

    Shares of Apple rose 2.2 percent, to $357,000 a share, by the close of Friday's markets.
     
  6. doctorquant

    doctorquant Well-Known Member

    If the corporate rate were zero, a corporation's "responsibilities" would still be fulfilled. They'd just be fulfilled by the real people who own the damn thing.
     
  7. cranberry

    cranberry Well-Known Member

    Corporations are real people. Ask the Supreme Court.
     
  8. LongTimeListener

    LongTimeListener Well-Known Member

    People

    People who like to fire people

    Are the luckiest people in the world
     
  9. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    You forgot to mention that Los Angeles, the capital of the Pacific Republic of China, has mixed emotions of the move, while the underwater city of New York was unavailable for comment.
     
  10. doctorquant

    doctorquant Well-Known Member

    Not quite ... Do corporations enjoy 5th Amendment protection? Can they vote?

    And which Supreme Court (or courts) are we talking about? This most recent one? Or all those that grounded decisions in Santa Clara v. Southern Pacific (1886)?
     
  11. cranberry

    cranberry Well-Known Member

    Who needs a vote when your lobbyists get to write legislation and your Super Pacs can sway an election?
     
  12. doctorquant

    doctorquant Well-Known Member

    Nice move! I haven't seen dancing like that since "Saturday Night Fever"!
     
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