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Another way to say: "On his mind"

Discussion in 'Journalism topics only' started by SuperflySnuka, Oct 20, 2007.

  1. Sxysprtswrtr

    Sxysprtswrtr Active Member

    haha! Awesome.

    I like his "thoughts, racing." ... but maybe move the thoughts, racing up in the sentence so you're not ending both sentences with thoughts/mind. Or maybe you like it that way?


     
  2. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

    A quote from the raw Jason Mewes is tough to beat.
     
  3. pallister

    pallister Guest

    Mulled and mulling are words that normally generate derision at my shop -- unless they're the only words that fit. Then they're OK.
     
  4. deskslave

    deskslave Active Member

    Take "got" out of the second paragraph while you're at it.
     
  5. Yup, already deleted. Thanks, DS. I'm still on my first write-through.

    Appreciate the help, bud

    Ugh. Every time I read that sentence, I cringe
     
  6. Montezuma's Revenge

    Montezuma's Revenge Active Member

    I'd shitcan the "gradually". Doesn't add anything.
     
  7. Got that one, too, lol.

    Wanted to convey that the coach sort of ambled across the sidelines, rather than stalked. But a copy editor caught it for me and pointed it out.

    Thanks, though.
     
  8. novelist_wannabe

    novelist_wannabe Well-Known Member

    Consumed was the first word that came to me. Jeez, this is like mad libs or something
     
  9. goalmouth

    goalmouth Well-Known Member

    'percolated'?
     
  10. heyabbott

    heyabbott Well-Known Member

    marinating
     
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