Andy Reid's son found dead

You have to be really, really careful in making cause-effect determinations, especially in the instant case, when we know so little and don't know the cause of death. But it is simply impossible to do justice to the job of parent, and also live the stereotypical sleep-at-the-office lifestyle of an NFL coach. Whether it actually "caused" any specific coach's son tragedy - we don't really know how these coaches actually live, and it even seems to hit people who had some perspective, like Tony Dungy - we can't say, but it certainly doesn't help.

Having said that, it's easy from a distance to tell coaches they're screwing up their lives; it's a bit harder to actually expect a hypercompetitive person who's made it to the top of his profession, after putting in those insane hours for so long when he didn't have kids, to reel back. I've always been struck by this passage from an 2002 S.L. Price SI profile of Jon Gruden:


"Jon?" McKittrick [Bobb McKittrick, former 49ers OL coach] said over the phone. "I've got cancer and I'm going to die."

Gruden stammered a few words, but McKittrick wasn't listening. "I wanted to call and tell you: It's not just about football," McKittrick said. "Go be with your kids and your wife. Football is irrelevant. I don't want you to be like me."

But Gruden didn't want to hear it. By then he had arrived at a point, as Raiders coach, that suited his driving ambition. He had found his place, and nothing, not even the sting of words like these, could make him move. Gruden likes to say, "I'm a real shallow guy," but that's less an innate quality than a conscious choice. Offered a glimpse of the deepest water there is, Gruden forced himself to look away.

"But Bobb," he said. "I want to be just like you."

 

It's interesting that the three most recent incidents (Dungy, Reid and Philbin) all were in pretty stable positions, at least by NFL standards...

 

Also interesting at least in the case of Dungy and Reid, that both seemed to be fairly grounded,religious and concerned for the well being of their families. Just don't know enough to compare Philbin.

 

I love that McKittrick story.

As far as Reid's kid is concerned, this is someone who was sent to solitary confinement for smuggling heroin into prison.

Not to be callous, but we know what kind of person this kid was. It's not like he was just an addict. He sold drugs. He and his brother manufactured drugs in their house.

It's sad, and I feel very badly for the family, but this is hardly a surprise. I just hope maybe this is enough to scare his other brother, Britt, who has been in similar trouble. I don't think the third brother, Spencer has ever been in trouble like the other two...

 

Philbin fits that description pretty well...

 

I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with Dungy and there isn't a person in this world who would surprise me more if he was ever involved in any kind of scandal than him. I know people are skeptical of people who have squeeky clean reputations but Dungy is a remarkable guy. To think that someone like that can lose a son to suicide reminds me that it can happen to anyone, regardless of how good a parent may be as a person. I think Tony will be haunted forever thinking that there's something he could have done to save his son.

 

No question and I think it's a big reason why Dungy got out of coaching when he did. He wanted to make sure he was there for his other kids.

There was nothing scandalous that Dungy was involved in, it just surprises a lot of people when someone who is as together as Dungy seems, that he could have a kid who was that troubled. It's the same for Reid, it's the same for Philbin and it's the same for countless other NFL coaches who have found themselves in similar situations.

 

That wasn't very well written on my part. I meant anything scandalous with Dungy moving forward. I didn't mean to imply that James's passing was scandalous.

 

Good parents can have kids who are fucked-up, but when the father is a NFL coach, it's probably a safe assumption that the guy's family never came first, or at least it's a given that the father wasn't around very often.

 

It's not a safe assumption. Kids do stupid things. Parents can give them all the love in the world and they still fuck up.
You are assuming that you know the saying about the word.

 

Dad has a lot of film to go over.

 

Eh, whatever works for Reid. Better he keep his mind busy than sit home and wallow, maybe.

I don't know. Not a right or wrong here on that score.