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An oral history of my appearance on Naked And Afraid (not really)

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Bubbler, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    Yeah, so, I was on Naked And Afraid. I was, the, uh, naked white guy. Here's the oral history ...

    Nah. Can't do it.

    Haven't been around in a while. Was in the old neighborhood and decided to stop by and see how the ole SJ shithouse is looking these days.

    How's everyone doing? Well I hope. Don't the mid-2010s suck? There's a sameyness to it that I can't put my finger on. Like we're all unconsciously transitioning from the hopefulness of our futures to the inevitable oblivion. I mean that both individually and as far as the world at-large is concerned.

    Fuck! That's dark! But we're all older, the best-known posters all have to be at least in their mid-30s by now, but not everyone's wiser as I can see by the same old shit I see being posted by the same old culprits.

    Oh! Can I say that? I haven't been around in so long, I don't know the rules. I'm like Unfrozen Fucking Caveman Lawyer, SJ version. Can I still talk about being aroused by dead deer? Shit, I might as well be a newbie. For whom do I fetch a beer?

    Oh fuck. Who am I kidding? Am I any wiser? Who knows? Who cares? We all exist in the same void and we're all headed to the same place. That sounds fatalistic, I suppose, but I mean it as an affirmation of sorts.

    I mean ... I can't believe this place still exists. The creative juices, and many of the creative people, that fueled it have long been spent or have repeated themselves. Shit, that happened years ago when I was still a regular part of the proceedings. SJ's like a band and those of us responsible for its Exile On Main Street era did so a long time ago and won't ever do it again.

    I don't even know SJ's ethos anymore other than a community that still burns on the fuel that started it in the early 2000s.

    That's reads a lot more critical than I intend it. It actually gladdens me that SJ still serves many of its original purposes. And it still clearly means something to so many people. A way to argue, to way to feel a sense of community, etc.

    Do I miss it? I miss the posters I was closest to, still respect, and consider to be friends, even if I have still haven't meet several in-person. I hope I had that same impact on others, even if it was just to make someone smile.

    I follow most on Facebook or Twitter, but it's not the same. It's like meeting your old friends you hung out with in college or high school, but you're meeting them in a totally different neighborhood, at a place that has no context to how your relationship formed or where the good times took place.

    This place
    was where it was at. Where it was lit. Where all of our references had meaning. I miss that interaction, that camaraderie, that esprit de corps. I truly do.

    Well, once I start getting sentimental, it's probably time to leave the old neighborhood. I checked out some threads, smiled at some handles I had forgotten about, and felt the kind of fondness not unlike attending a reunion, even if I came unannounced.

    Have fun everyone!

    Oh here's the Naked And Afraid spiel. Not oral history, but actual verbatim dialogue from my tryout:

    NAKED AND AFRAID PRODUCER: So you want to be on the show?
    BUBBLER: Uh-huh.
    NAKED AND AFRAID PRODUCER: So show me those wares, bitch! Disrobe!
    BUBBLER: Uh. OK. Front or back first?
    (Disrobing commences ...)
    NAKED AND AFRAID PRODUCER: (horrified) Oh shit. That looks like a flaccid Twix bar. But not a dealbreaker! The upshot is our show budget will increase with less use of digital editing on your package. Let's see that ass.
    (Bubbler turns around)
    NAKED AND AFRAID PRODUCER: My word in heaven. It's like ... Columbus discovering America, Kris Jenkins hitting the game-winning shot and my most explosive orgasm all rolled into one. Dat ass ought to be hermetically sealed and treated as an object of worship. I can't even find the words to describe ...
    BUBBLER: (with the cool of James Bond) How does supple grab you?
    Vombatus, Iron_chet, Ace and 3 others like this.
  2. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    Fetch me a beer, newb.
  3. MisterCreosote

    MisterCreosote Well-Known Member

    I found footage of Bubbler's Naked and Afraid audition:


    (P.S. - Good to see you 'round these parts again, buddy :))
  4. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

    Too bad you won't be psychotically sprinting into the backyard to go nuts over the Brewers making the playoffs.

    But having a flaccid Twix bar is a close second.
  5. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Well-Known Member

    Your thoughts on abortion and olives or GTFO.
    Ignatius_J._Reilly, Ace and HC like this.
  6. Donny in his element

    Donny in his element Well-Known Member

    Let's ask @Dick Whitman to check his PMs.
    Gator and Dick Whitman like this.
  7. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Thanks for stopping by, Bubs. We will start a thread to discuss whether your behind belongs in the HOF.
  8. Cosmo

    Cosmo Well-Known Member

    We'll always have Mullet Over.
  9. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Sunshine is anti-pimento. He doesn't approve of olives that had the seeds forcibly removed.
    Riptide and Donny in his element like this.
  10. TheSportsPredictor

    TheSportsPredictor Well-Known Member

    Now that's a mic drop.
  11. YankeeFan

    YankeeFan Well-Known Member

    What reality show would we suppose some of our other missing members are away filming?
  12. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    Mark2010: Lockup

    Devil: Blackboard Wars
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