All Seinfeld, all the time

Oh, pardon me, Santos, if that is your real name, Bart Simpson.

 

Awesome part about The Simpsons DVDs, if you're a nerd like me - Commentaries for every single episode. Some of the better episodes, like the ones that won Emmys, I think they have two commentary tracks. Futurama is the same way.

 

Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

 

Joe Banks, 82 years young, has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery ... the ducks ... were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people think that Joe used to sit down there, near those ducks. But it could be, that there is just no room in this modern world, for an old man ... and his ducks.

 

I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.

 

The Good Samaritan is on right now. Interesting that the finale was written around the Good Samaritan Law.

 

The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

 

The Good Samaritan is Jesus' most racist parable!

 

That was pretty funny. The use of "tosser" was perfect.

 

I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.

 

A winner only in your rigged voting contest years ago.

 

Talking out of turn…that’s a paddling. Looking out the window…that’s a paddling. Staring at my sandals…that’s a paddling. Paddling the school canoe…ooh, you better believe that’s a paddling.