Alcoholic Wife. The breaking point.

Be a journalist. Document. Dates. Facts. Only facts.

 

Exactly.

 

Absolutely agree on the facts and documentation. Was huge for me. Don't send her anything angry—no angry texts or emails that she can use against you. It's all about ammunition. Get as much as you can to use against her; don't give her any to use against you.

It sucks when a marriage comes to this, but it does come to this, and you need to protect yourself and your kids. You can get crushed in these situations if you're not smart, careful, and disciplined. Treat it like a test of will.

I'll also echo the obvious refrain: Get the fuck out. Life is so much better for me now than it was before, I sometimes can't believe I'm the same person. Get out, get out, get out.

 

Yup. Screenshot every angry text or email she sends when drunk and never respond in anger or even sarcasm. It’s tough and requires discipline. Especially when you’re the better writer....

Being the more stable person does pay off. Even as the male in the case.

Never raise your voice, either. Don’t yell back. Let her punch herself out, verbally. By the end I had both kids tell me (unsolicited) they would testify on my behalf if it came to that. At that point, I was ready.... and she served me!

She went all-in with a 9-4 off suit and I quietly held pocket kings the whole time. Oops.

 

At risk of oversharing...

I received this advice from a cop—the advice about documenting everything, being civil, being careful. My ex and I went to full-on court early on. She had filed a motion with eight extremely punitive proposals, mostly regarding child custody. I got a lawyer and offered eight counter proposals. We were in court to decide which combination of proposals we would follow while we worked out our final agreement.

Arrive in court. (I have never been in court in my life. I was nervous just being in the building.) My lawyer meets me. She apologizes—we've drawn the worst possible judge. Older man, almost always takes the woman's side in all matters. There's a good chance we're going to lose and lose hard, but we'll fix it in our final agreement. I can't express any anger or anything in court. Just take the hit. I felt like barfing.

Judge comes out. All rise. Like I'm watching a movie about somebody else. Years later, I can still feel the single trickle of sweat that ran down the middle of my back. He sits down and says, "I've reviewed all the documentation. We seem to have two very different views here. We have these eight proposals"—and he holds up my ex's file in one hand—"and these eight." He holds up mine in the other. He puts hers down. He holds mine up. "We're gonna go with these eight." Bangs the gavel.

My ex bursts into tears. I don't think I've ever felt so relieved in my entire life. My legs nearly gave out. It is a sick, sick feeling, waiting for a stranger to decide your fate. But from then on, I was in the driver's seat. From then on, I could use court and that judge—because up here, once you're assigned a judge, he or she is your judge for the rest of the process—as a cudgel for our final agreement. She got difficult about something, all I had to say was, "Well, we can let the judge decide that" and she'd back down. I can't even tell you how much that meant in coming to terms that were at least semi-fair.

And it all started because of that cop's advice about keeping calm and keeping track. I'm sure that's why the judge sided with me. She had nothing to use against me. I had gathered evidence of her wrongdoings like string. I walked out of that courtroom feeling like a fucking sensei.

Keep calm. Keep track. Get out.

 

Excellent story and advice. But we need a bit of angry a**hole stuff going around; otherwise I’m out of a job!

 

Save that for the non-journalists.

 

QUOTE="JC, post: 4523394, member: 7787"]Call the cops on her when she gets behind the wheel.[/QUOTE]

I did sir. Frustrating though hearing from the CHP officers, even with the video of her just swigging away and I can't be 100 percent saying she stepped inside a vehicle and drove. and with our kids at the back, there's nothing they could do until they see it with their own eyes and that she's actually behind the wheel. It figuratively, waiting for an accident to happen before they can act on it. They said , alcohol is legal. And you can be drunk in or on your property, no problem with that. So, I don't know, is there a way to prove that a person is alcoholic?

 

Hi! Didn’t mean to disappear. Never got the chance to get back and check on those who put in their inputs. I appreciate it. What happened in these past month seemed like endless and just crazy straight out from one of her bottles. I was really blown away that i do realize, this is no longer the woman, I loved. Through the years of all the roller coaster ride, just like that from out of the blue, I received a TRO ( more like a close call ) warning coming from our kids' principal through phone call. I was on my way to see our kids coming work for I was able to clock out early, in 5 minutes I;ll be at their school. Funny thing, I thought, things were somehow improving. The weekend prior, starting Saturday, leading into this event, my wife's been inviting back to our house to have dinner. Though, she kept saying our kids kept asking her to get me to join them for dinner. it was a pleasant break from all the predictably unpredictable episodes we were having for years which just slowly became worse and worse. I thought, well, finally, there is hope of reconcillation. No arguments, untoward events, I was having the time of my life back again playing with our kids. Although, my wife and I, weren't conversing much but things were peaceful. So, came Friday, before noon, I texted my wife, I'll be in school in 5 minutes, she responded could you make it in 10? When instead of hitting the reply, I ended up hitting the answer button and our kids' principal was on the other line, saying, "they're sorry, they're just following a court order, which happens to had been given to them by, I couldn't believe my ears, my wife! And as soon as they just see my shadow, they have to call the cops on me." I was dumbfounded, I'm pretty close to our 7 year-old son but more so, with our 5-year-old daughter, that suddenly, looking back at her text, she was setting me up! The hardest part, if I didn't pick that call up, I would have been at our kids school, Deputies waiting, our kids by my wife's side ( with an evil smile enjoying every moment of it that, that scene will forever burn on our kids mind that Daddy was a bad guy, on hand-cuffs being led away by the cops ). And that would have been an icing onto my wife's ultimate agenda of making her story stick to our kids, That she had ruined that image. That mere thought of it, if it had happened, I really don't believe i could've ever bounced back and try winning our kids trust back towards their Dad. To me, that whole good image dinner, etc., is so ruthless! She had filed a restraining order and yet never said a word. Just cold and calculated. I didn't respond to her text nor did I even call to let her know, and give her a piece of my mind. I went home. Stumped. Hours later, she called me and asked ( furious ) why I didn't show up. I wanted to say all the profanities I could muster to say to her but I was able to hold back, I don't want her to relish that moment, and just said well, your TRO's was given to our kids school so, I didn't proceed. And she asked. who told you? I just hanged up. The audacity and such rudeness of asking who informed me instead of telling me right there and then, admitted to it and atlas explained. So, I am just anxious as to fact story she had to say, to even file one. That whole Friday afternoon, I was preparing myself for the process server to knock on my door. Well, night time came and went, I didn't receive anything. All throughout Saturday, still nothing. Saturday evening my wife kept texting me about off base subjects that I was thinking she's luring me to bite the bait, because, I don't think I can even text back. Sunday morning, still nothing. Noon, my wife figuratively. came all the way to my driveway just parked infant of the unit where Im staying, and U can see our kids were at the back. Minutes later, she drove away. I felt being mocked to just piss me and eventually, me breaking the court order. So, I asserted and called the sheriff's department to ask for my copy of the TRO. I was laughing inside. Men! I guess that Deputy must've been perturbed as he was stalking and waiting infant of a wrong house, 'bout 4 houses down, because my wife wrote down a different house number for she must've been intoxicated when she was filing those forms out. So, I gave the dispatch the correct house number and sure enough moments later he ws knocking at my door. Reading though that restraining order was just mind boggling, My wife sounded like my girlfriend narrating events that were just far out, Just like her irrational and delusional World. And the worst part and because of those allegations she was asking full custody, legal and physical. Totally, sounding immature! But, what she's been subjecting me to is also immature. Anyway. the date of the hearing was a little under one week away, So, I just sat down and started working in my response. Days later after that, she texted me several times asking for our kids toys and they can't find it and ws throwing a fit. She ws really cunning, she got me figured out. That I will drop anything for our kids. I was actively searching for professional advice from these ridiculous stunts that my wife's been handing out. Since,she cut me off from ell of out accounts together, I could even pay half for retainers fee of the coursel/s that I was lucky to have spoken to, especially, for a small town, that I fear that I might be calling her attorney. Most of them said i could break her credulity and ask the judge to throw the TRO away with a good response. And, hold and behold, the notes scribbled on scratch papers and posts its finally paid off. I got to encash on them for I had dates and times. And sure it enough, due to my extensive 54 page response to why u was opposing her accusations is because, etc. I'm lucky our judge read it thoroughly. And because of her false accusations, it got her on the bad light and its on public record. And she came with a female attorney, head up high, I guess they were actually anticipating this to come out her way. With that, our judge created and order for Child custody. And this she didn't like. Not one bit of because she wanted to have everything and strip me off it. So, things backfired on her quickly and the fun part was because seeing that she did everything that she is asking for the court to have ordered before hand. That next day, I'm suppose to have our kids ( finally ) for the St. Patty's weekend. I get to pick them up as soon as they are dismissed and bring them back Sunday night at 6pm. Yet to top it all, in open court, right before the judge was through ordering the custody schedule, my wife started blurting out that the last time I went to our house and grabbed a few more of my personal belongings that she believes I was hauling what she believes to be an illegal substance. ---- ( part 1 of 2 )

 

( part 2 0f 2 ) The bailiff made her stop and be quiet or be thrown in contempt, Man, if those guys infront weren't higher authorities, she being irrational and short fused, would have jumped all over them for ruining her plan. I didn't make sense of it until, it sunk that she was so, desperate that she will do anything by any means to pin on me just to ask the court that I am an unfit parent. Anyways, the frustrating part came, Friday morning, she had her counsel call me to ask me if it was ok to let my wife pick our kids up at school and just go over to our house a couple of hours later to have them. She said she needs a few more time to finish packing what they would be needful for the weekend. In good faith, again, I dint hesitate to respond positive to that request because I would like to be able to initiate peaceful means. She was awarded protection order form me because of my test messages to her, repeatedly, asking about when can i see out kids, she considered them harassment. To make it short, that time with our kids that was intended to be in my custody didn't fall through. I had the Sheriff Deputies involved just to communicate with my wide, to hand me over our kids. She vehemently ignored it despite her being spoken to over the phone and she kept saying they're hone and was waiting the whole time. Needless to say, back and forth, my wife was agreeing over the phone with the Deputies but in action she won't even let our kids out. Frustrating. I'm kept my cool and stayed collected. I just asked the Deputies who responded to for my assistance to have this weekends events documented. I gather breaking the Child Custody order do not merit a stiff law to get the violating parent a nice reprimand. I just could;t believe that. I can't be definite though if the opposing parent be punished or not somehow to make them abide by the law, a court order. Now, I was thinking again, my wife is literally doing this to get me pissed and to react in a certain way that I will end up violating her protecting order. After which, she'll het on with that and file a motion to have full custody of kids. Now, if she can get away like this, she wi;; be doing this for the next 18 years. I thought getting that TRO thrown away was a victory. I gather from my wife's and her counsel's stunned faces, they wanted to know what I had pulled out from under my behind to pull that off. I just hope my wife realizes that she can't throw false allegations like that just to have full custody. It will actually be biting her behind. specially if we go for divorce proceedings. It's just hard. She's totally hell bent on eliminating me when from day one I just wanted to keep our marriage and have her the help that she needs. I knew she had issues, and I am willing to support her no matter what. But it has to be that we're on the same page about it. I embraced her condition, Because, I know, we argued like there will be no tomorrow. But at the end of the day, I don't hate her because deep down, I see the person that I loved. And yet, I now recognized that all I dd reassuring her that I am fine with it but she had to get help, and no amount pf expressing that emotional to her got understood. I think my wife being an alcoholic had foreseen it as, I was getting too close for her comfort and that I am going to be able a problem. She saw me as probably going to be in between and in the middle of her booze. So, that irritation, frustration, anger, hatred and animosity was squarely focused on me. She had to get me away from her so she could live the life that she want to be living, in denial and hammered. She's using our kids to hurt me. I'm just afraid, when the time comes and she's having difficulty caring for our kids and by no she realizes that our kids are getting in the way of her having a good time and a social life. And with that, her rational way to put it is, we are the problem now. I don;t know how I could deal with her just blatantly disregarding a court order and coming up with dumb things to create a different image of me. I just want to let its course go through probably. Because tight now, from the way i see it, she just has to hit rock bottom before she can see the reality of things. Alcoholism I believe does;t kill the person. It kills the people around them. I think, I will keep collection documentation of incidents like this, treat them as gold, and stay collective. So, when Im ready to cash out with it. she would not know what hit her. And I think at the divorce court, we will be having the same judge that handled the TRO hearing and id doesn't look good on her. My question now, can I possibly attach the evidences I have them I file for divorce and full custody because I am seriously thinking, specially, now, I am not there at our house, she is free to drink how ever she wants and she's just risking haven't to have our kids with her when things go wrong down the road.

 

I am not unsympathetic but your story would be a little easier to follow if you broke your posts into paragraphs. If you're not sure where, just do it every two sentences, three tops.

 

He's not unsympathetic, he's just...wait for it...an Old Crank.