Airport security, just in time for Thanksgiving

I am going to start writing
FU TSA on my stomach

 

How do you feel about the hands-on screening? The TSA folks are just looking for supple asses to screen...and they don't just squeeze the backside, they're going full frontal now, up the inner thighs. They're looking for you.

I have no problem with the casual hand down my back, I don't even care if the xray can see through my clothes. But unless the gate agent is either a licensed gynecologist or a guy named Boom, no one is hand-checking my inner thighs.

 

Yeah. My supple ass is off-limits to the TSA. Look, but don't touch.

 

We're gonna need a lawyer.

 

What a job for the TSA x ray operator. You look at assholes all day long -- both literally and figuratively

 

They already have in Germany ... or at least in their underwear. NSFW link:

 

Two questions on this subject and luckily I don't have to fly very much:

1. Has TSA ever, you know, caught someone trying to go through the metal detectors/scanners/X-ray machines that actually had anything that resembled a bomb or explosive device? Seems to me the only ones who get caught are either goofballs who luckily don't know what they are doing once they get on the plane and have harmed only themselves or have been sabotaged by passengers and crew - not the valiant TSA or any other government agency.

2. Why does the FAA insist on making everyone turn off cell phones when never in history has a cell phone on a plane done anything more than irritate a fellow passenger, let alone interfered with air-traffic controllers or the tower. Yet we go along with it like sheep for two decades now.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mobile_phones_on_aircraft
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MythBusters_(2006_season)#Cell_Phones_on_a_Plane

 

I have no problem with the cell phone rules, if only to prevent the sense that I'm trapped in a closet with 300 people talking loudly and incessantly at the same time.

 

There'd be a homicide on every other flight if cell phone use was allowed.
Bob Ryan of the Globe once had a terrific idea. The business-traveler only airline. No other passengers allowed. Their own security lines, the whole deal. Would make air travel 6000 times easier, if only because you wouldn't stand in the aisle at boarding while the Joad family on its trip to Ft. Lauderdale for the Carnival Cruise wouldn't be trying to stuff a steamer trunk into the overhead bins.

 

Half the problem would be resolved if the airlines rescinded the checked-bag fee. Put more stuff under the plane, not on it, unclogging security lines, boarding lines, overhead chaos, last-minute bag checking in the jetway.