Ah, Serena...

I so disagree. I think it takes guts to even say it. If the press corps weren't overwhelmingly male, we'd actually talk about this instead of them snickering about that being the reason for a poor performance or some bitchy on-court behaviour. Also Jankovic usually has some original excuse for losing. At least she's creative.

Try playing a three-hour tennis match in 90-degree weather on a humid day, on the wrong days of the month. I can tell you it's a horror show.

Someone once told me I should write a story about the "woman thing". And that I should talk to Chris Evert, who had some hilarious things to say about it off the record back in the day, and probably would talk about it now that she's past all that stuff. ;-)

 

Well Billie Jean King made it a little easier for Martina to slip through the cracks. Of course King, being an American at all, lost pretty much every penny she was contracted to earn through endorsements. Navratilova didn't have as much to lose at the time.

 

With so many women there at the same time, shouldn't their cycles have all coincided? Or were there not enough confined spaces to bring that about?

I'm ducking and running as I say that, but I do have five sisters so I think I can speak to the issue with some authority.

 

With all the steriods that Serena must go through, she probaly hasn't had a period since '96

 

Couldn't resist bringing this back after Serena's loss Friday against Samantha Stosur:

"“She had a lot of lucky shots today. That’s kind of her game; she’s a big framer."

Better to be lucky than, well, classless, I guess. :

 

Missed that quote, I guess it's really not surprising. "Lucky shots" "I was 20% Serena" "I beat myself" "I beat myself again!" have been Serena post-loss staples for years now. I thought she'd grow out of that nonsense, but now I see that's just her personality and she's always going to be classless in defeat.

In other news, apparently Serena tore her knee in 2002 while bustin' a dance move at da club. I always wondered exactly how that happened since it clearly didn't happen during a match and Serena was always so mysterious about why she had the surgery.

And anyone who watched the match against Sam should know why Serena isn't No. 1. She just doesn't care outside of the slams unless it's Venus or Maria. That and a horrific 3 match losing streak earlier this year. The rankings system tries to encourage players to play and care about non-slam events so the tour can survive. I'm sure Serena knows this so she can't really complain.

 

No. Actually, it doesn't stop her from complaining at all. Her snark on Dinara Safina was obvious at Wimbledon.

Is she a better player than Safina? Likely. Does that mean she should be No. 1 given the way the rankings system currently functions? No. Nor should she be given that she cares only about the slam events.

Still painfully little class. And no, Serena, we're not looking at your titles as we discuss this.

 

Fair enough. Let me rephrase it then: I'm sure Serena knows this, so she shouldn't really complain.

And yeah, she's much, much better player. Dinara's not even in the same zip code, continent, whatever, as Serena. But really, I'm tired of Serena's insecure ramblings. If you're the "real No. 1" then don't lose to doubles specialist Sam f'n Stosur by double faulting on match point. And if you’re the “real No. 1” then don’t proclaim it in a press conference and then promptly follow that up by losing 3 opening round matches in row. Not that anyone in the tennis media will ever point that out to her. Instead they’ll sit around braying at Serena's "witticisms" like a bunch of damn jackasses and writing articles about how much the WTA’s rankings system sucks. When in reality no empirical ranking system could properly account for a champion with Serena’s personality, while at the same time rewarding non-slam event results. It's the player that's the problem, not the system.

And going back to Serena’s knee: Only the lackadaisical tennis media would allow the best athlete in the sport to get away with getting injured, not ever disclosing how exactly they got injured and never disclosing when, where or why they got the surgery.

But now that Serena's finally come clean about how she actually hurt her knee I know I can count on the tennis media to never ask her another question about it. (Way too busy writing the 1,203rd column complaining about grunting.) Nevermind that injury probably changed the entire direction of tennis history. If I'm not mistaken she injured herself right after completing the "Serena Slam" and right before she had a chance to complete the first calendar slam since Steffi's Golden Slam. Jeez… I hope it was a good song at least.

And in other, other news, after consecutively crushing Maria and Elena, Venus inexplicably lost to Bartoli of all people in the Stanford final today… Thereby adding yet another reason why Dinara is No. 1.

 

There's a tennis media in this country?

 

They meet every other Thursday. In odd years.

 

Hmmm... well that would explain that whole lackadaisical part.

 

That shirt and pair of pants, however, should never meet again.