After SEC Media Days ended, the South's writers went turtle hunting

How that dude still has 10 digits is a scientific wonder.

He has more fingers than teeth.

 

Um, catfish don't have "hard" teeth. They have a row of sandpaper-like grabbers, if you will.

 

I once had a video named "Girls Gone Grabblin'" sent to me in hopes for a story. I'm not making this up. I just wish like hell I hadn't lost it.

 

I was talking about the Turtle Man.

 

"They think I'm crazy, but they can't help but like it."

 

"I have to find his head with my foot. That's the hard part."

 

"I don't have no horn, so I just do it like this -- Woooooo-hoooooo!"

 

"Let's hit another pond. I think I emptied it. I don't see no signs of life."

 

"I've been bit 17 times. They cut hard, and deep."

 

"I don't drink, or do drugs, or smoke cigarettes, (or) chew tobacco. This is my hobby. You can't ask for no better."

 

And once you have that open wound, in that shitty, stagnant water..... look out, gangrene

 

And, in closing...

"I'm Kentucky's best-kept secret. Woo-hoo!"

Take that, IJAG.