Advice on dating a woman with kids?

Well, there's some good advice on here! Some of it confirms what I was thinking, some of it opened my eyes to a few things.

The good news is, I don't think she's looking for a replacement dad or anything like that, as far as I can tell. If it got to the point of meeting the kids, I'd just try to be like a cool uncle-type more than a dad. I didn't have the best of childhoods in the parental department, so I guess if it came down to it, I guess I'd figure it out.

This truly is unchartered territory for me. This is the first time I've even remotely considered it.

 

There is nothing worse than having to explain a joke.

 

Treat the kids just how you would treat her (No, that doesn't mean grab their butts or boobs).

Seriously, though. Remember one thing if you remember anything at all: Those kids are a part of her. If you accept her, that means accepting her kids. It is a package deal.

If they see you treat their mother with love and respect, they may not show it (they may turn into "You're not my daddy!" and resentful brats), but they will respect you for it.

 

Juicy-juice is not a healthy alternative and it attracts ants.

 

What a heartwarming story Ragu. Man, I sure hope that the mom someday tells her boys how their Christmas was saved by you as an example of how there are good men out there and they should aspire to do the same. Wow.

 

As the child of divorced parents, I offer this:

They will, at some point, pull the "You're not my dad" line on you. Try not to take it personally.

You don't have to be the heavy, but by the same token, make sure they respect you if you're in the position to be around for a while. Make sure they understand that you expect them to at the very least treat you as they would treat any other adult brought into the home. If you do find yourself in the position to discipline them, make absolutely certain their mom's gonna back you up. If she doesn't, you're done for.

Understand, too, that in most situations, you're not just dating her, and in fact, you're not just dating her and the kids. Those kids are a tangible connection to her ex, be it an ex-boyfriend, an ex-husband, whatever. He will be around, and he will affect her life, for better or for worse. That's always been the thing that's sort of made me wary of dating a woman with kids: I can handle children (though I'd rather not), but I'm not sure I can handle the ex situation.

 

This is something I know a few things about. Best thing I can think to tell you is not to pander to the kids. Most kids are not going to react well to somebody trying to sell himself.

If you make mom happy, they'll respond to that. Treat them like real people, defer to her on all matters involving discipline and behavior and don't be afraid to have some fun. It'll be okay.

 

I actually know the guy. I've known him for years. Docile as navel lint, a nice enough guy. I sorta get the impression that his most viable parenting skill is his ability to write a check.

But to several points on here, if it even got to that stage, I'd let her do the parenting.