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Advice on dating a woman with kids?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by westcoastvol, Nov 5, 2007.

  1. westcoastvol

    westcoastvol Active Member

    Well, your pal, ol' grille-finisher WCV is about to do what was previously unthinkable: dating a woman with kids from a previous entanglement (two less than 10 y/o).

    This is unchartered territory for me, which might be a nice way of saying I'm getting older. Any advice from the crowd?
  2. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    Do NOT meet the kids until you're serious. Or at least don't spend any significant time with them.

    Kids that age form bonds. If you're there one day, joking and playing around and hugging, and then they never see you again? They've had enough sense of loss in their lives already.

    The woman, I'm guessing you can figure out. The kids? Be kind.
  3. Big Buckin' agate_monkey

    Big Buckin' agate_monkey Active Member

    I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
  4. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    try dating the woman without the kids for a while, unless they like watching you make out in the driveway... then date with them, if it all goes well.
  5. wickedwritah

    wickedwritah Guest

    At least at this stage of life, I couldn't do it.

    A single mom should NOT introduce her kids to another guy so early in a relationship. I mean, revolving door syndrome, anyone?

    Same for a single dad who is taking care of kids and introducing those kids to women.
  6. Norman Stansfield

    Norman Stansfield Active Member

    Try to find a woman in her late 30s, early 40s who has a daughter who's a senior in high school.

    If things don't work out with the mom, you've already set yourself up once the girl graduates and hits 18.


    IJAG is right on with her advice. I went through one of those situations, and still feel badly about the woman's daughter. She got attached, I got attached and then mom and I broke up. Tough deal all around.

    Many of these kids are looking for father figures. If that doesn't register with the mom, she probably isn't worth dating.
  7. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Exactly. Have we learned nothing as a society from John Tucker Must Die?
  8. Cansportschick

    Cansportschick Active Member

    West, the kids come with the woman. Unless you are going to commit to the woman, don't meet the kids. The last thing you want is for the kids to like you too much and then you and the lady break up. Divorce is hard enough on the kids but getting attached to someone who isn't serious about their mother is even worse, especially if they part ways.
  9. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Other than the meeting the kids angle, I'd say that you may need to understand if she has to say no. Maybe she can't find a sitter or the kids have something going on she needs to be at.
  10. Football_Bat

    Football_Bat Well-Known Member

    Two-kid maximum here. If I wanted a ready-made clan, I'd move to Scotland.
  11. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    IJAG gives some excellent advice here. You and the woman both owe it to the kids to find out how you two work together first.

    Also, before you get to know the children, you might want to find out if the father is still in the picture at all. That can definitely be a complication. My best friend was involved with a woman with two daughters. Her ex was a gigantic pain in the ass and he made things very difficult for everybody involved. The relationship eventually failed, in part due to the ex, and it has been very tough on the two little girls.

    FWIW, he's now engaged to a woman who had far less baggage and is as happy as I've ever seen him.

    I have seen it work out, though. My sister-in-law had two small children from her first marriage when she met my brother. They've been married 15 years now and have one child together as well as the two she already had. Now in that case, the father was out of the picture (he had died in a car accident), but there was some initial resistance from the father's parents regarding my brother's role in the lives of their grandchildren.

    The whole thing still amazes me. My brother was the last guy you could have seen wanting a ready-made family, but he has been a tremendous father to all three of those children. I know I couldn't have done it. My own little one tries my patience enough. :)
  12. cranberry

    cranberry Well-Known Member

    Avoid going out for dates in her mini-van. Between the car seats, the Barney videos on the floor, and the various hard candies sticking to the carpet, it's guaranteed to take you out of the mood.
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