Advice Needed re: bullying

I disagree Boom. The issue is really having QT's son have the bullying stop. If an adult labels him a bully who really cares. The kid's confidence and happiness are more important than that and I would risk that against some over litigous parent.

I do agree on the goofiness of the karate stance.

 

You don't ever do a karate stance. You walk up to the kid and you pop him in the face, preferrably the nose. You don't wait to be pushed, you don't wait for a standoff. You catch him by surprise and you pop him in the face.

Truthfully, that should end it. If you were in the inner city or if he was 15, my advice might be different, but if any of those kids think they'll get popped if they mess with him, not only will they not mess with him, they'll probably want to be his friend.

 

Mizzou, you're gonna get this poor kid kicked out of school. It's one thing for the kid to have the confidence to know he can defend himself if necessary. It's another to take a swing.

For the same reason today's parents get slammed for spanking or hitting their kids, a kid can't hit another kid. What used to be 'throwing a punch' is now called 'physical assault.' The kid who throws the punch can end up in very serious trouble.

As for the jacket/leaves situation....twelve year olds are essentially jackasses. Hopefully qt's son can learn to laugh it off and not show they got to him.

 

Exactly - the fact that QT sent his kid to martial arts school to defend himself is the wrong message in the first place. He needs to watch The Karate Kid.

 

The manager should indefinitely suspend post game parties/treats, and tell the parents to ask their kids why they believe he did it.

 

At 12 years old, you do not laugh it off. It consumes you.

 

Yeah, that will really help the poor kid.

 

Talk with the head coach and get him to say something along the "we're a team" route.

I'd also tell my son he has my permission to knock the shit out of anyone if he feels it reaches that level. Kids will be bullies and assholes, but it's been noted that most don't want to fight or get punched. But walking away, backing down and taking the soft route out isn't always the right way. Eventually you have to stand up for yourself whether you're 13 or 33 or 63.

Rusty's post about boxing is pretty spot-on. If nothing else, it may help build some confidence and get him into good shape.

One of my son's friends was going through something similar a few weeks ago in middle school. The Cool Kid was picking on the Fat Kid in the locker room. Fat kid acts like he's going to swing and Cool kid begs him to. When he doesn't, Cool kid slapped him hard.

Our son said everyone just looked like someone had dropped a bomb. It was silent until Fat kid grazed Cool kid's cheek with a right and followed up with a straight left to the nose. Cool kid's head slammed the locker and his nose exploded in blood. They got two-day suspensions and Cool kid hasn't bugged him again. Probably won't.

Good luck with your situation. It's times like this when parenting can be tough and frustrating.

 

True. Standing up to bullies is like squishing bugs. If someone in middle school was picking on a kid, I told them to pick on me instead. Not one did.

 

We did not send our kids to martial arts school with the express message "you need to defend yourself." It was because we wanted them to do a regular physical activity (4-5 times a week). After the first class, they decided themselves they wanted to do it and they have enjoyed it very much. It was also to boost their sense of their own physicality because they did not take to punching/boxing. I've goofed around with them and their physicality transforms when they defend themselves, its amazing. But Tae Kwon Do is not about really attacking someone, its about appreciating the form and sparing is secondary. I think that unless you are very small, you do not understand how confidence in yourself can raise your sense to being on par with someone who is bullying you.

My boy would never be labeled the bully, if you saw him and how he conducts himself, even after fending for himself, it will not happen. If so, I welcome anyone to make that assertion. He's had a 6 year track record in the community. As for the bullies, they've got a rep as well. Anyways, I think sending a message is necessary because he's tried to walk away for 6 years and its failed him badly.

 

All of this is reinforcing how important it is to raise a child who won't be a bully -- hate to have my son be the one making a kid and their parent go through this.

The one thing I stress to my 5-year-old is making sure he takes care of the smaller kids. When we're at the playground or at Monkey Joe's or Chuck-E-Cheese, etc., I always tell him to go have fun and make sure you help the smaller kids have a good time.

It fosters a sense of leadership and compassion.

 

Sometimes for guys, getting the fight over with defuses the situation, even if you're the one who loses.

That said, are they wearing cups? If not, tell your kid to grab the other guy's balls and twist as hard as he can. Unmanly, but effective.