Advice Needed re: bullying

And believe me, qt, if the coach says he will not stand for that type of behavior, 12 sets of eyes are going to shift over to your son.

You don't want that for him.

 

No. ID the problem child that is starting the crap (most I'm sure are just followers) and figure out how best to deal with that particular kid. Don't have your son be ”the one who is complaining & getting everyone else on trouble.”

 

That's a step in the right direction, yes.

 

JR,
So you mean something along the lines of "I expect you guys to support and respect each other at all times, on the field, off the field, and whenever you guys see each other. This does not end when the game is over." I certainly don't want anyone to know its specific to my boy and I was not even going to identify who to the mgr.

I was always the shortest/smallest guy so I scrapped and would not take any crap from anyone, even if I got my butt kicked. (I was also a minority so that didn't help either.) My boy is too sensitive for that tact although he says he fought back so maybe he'll get there.

I'm just hoping there can be a change but am not putting $$ on it.

 

So what confront him individually? I know who it is. His parents? I wanted to avoid the specific confrontation.

 

It's difficult, qt. I even think the scenario you paint there would be too transparent at the point where he says, "This does not end when the game is over." The kids are going to know just what he's talking about.

The more I think about it, the more I think Point has the right point. Attack the head -- the kid at the middle of it -- and the body will die.

 

Tough situation. 12 year olds have a finely tuned antenna for understanding transparent circumstances.

My random thoughts:

1. If you feel comfortable with the HC talk with him about it so at least he is aware of the situation

2. you can't get involved. it will make it worse for your son

3. If HC is aware he might be able to catch kids in the act.
and deal directly with situation. 12 yr old boys are like dogs. Yelling at them after the fact won't work

4. If you want to do something preemptive talk to the kids in general about acting professional on the bench. Pay attention to the game. Ask them if they ever see Derek Jeter and A Rod clowning around.

5. You could also send a general e mail around to parents asking for their support in that you are demanding that the kids "act professionally" when on the bench during games. Emphasize that it's as much a part of teaching the game as it is on the field. Also mention that it's a safety issue to protect kids for foul balls and errant practice swings.

6. Get your kid to lose the "I know karate" thing. It looks goofy and will only subject him to further ridicule.

7 . Talk to your kid and tell him the world is full of assholes and that it's a tough but good lesson in life to learn to deal with. Also tell him that he needs to keep his focus on doing well in game to help the team. That will earn him respect.

Good luck and be sure that you can trust the head coach to be discrete before you speak with him.

 

Great post. I was thinking about No. 6 too, and didn't mention it.

 

Wait until someone makes a boneheaded play in practice, then go off a little more than usual and end up switching gears to the topic at hand after a while. Kids are stupid. They'll think it's cause Johnny booted the ball at second because he was daydreaming about his next shitty and far from creative bully session.

 

Is the bully the best player on the team? Is he better than your kid?

 

He's not publicizing his martial arts training, its his only available defense to deal with physical bullying. That's partly why I wanted him and his brother to do it and I definitely want him to use it when necessary. He's not strutting around getting in his stance and telling people come on. He's never been one to fight, he's always been more apt to wonder "why me?" so we needed to get him something to defend himself, that's all (and hopefully bolster his self identity).

The bullying is not happening during games or the dugout, its at the after game parties.

 

No he's not the best, he just thinks he's one of the best and since he's been accepted with the two best players he's "cool." He's got talent but he's not better.