Advice needed: My son is screwing up his life

You've had a lot of luck with the ladies, huh?

 

What I wouldn't give for a full accounting of MisterCreosote's love life.

 

If he's 19, he can be bribed.

 

Of all the ways that someone that age can screw up his/her life, this one's not too bad.

 

I tend to agree with this...

If he's waiting until after he graduates to get married and that's the way I read your post, then I think you might be getting worked up over nothing... Not knowing anything about your son or his girlfriend, the chances that they actually get married in two years are probably 50-50 at best and maybe a lot less than that. I know tons of people who were doing the long distance thing and they got "engaged" because one party was worried that the other would cheat on them and they see this as a way to limit the chances of that.

Be supportive. But if he comes to you and says, "Dad, I met this girl here and I don't know what to do since I'm engaged..." then maybe you lightly manipulate the kid a bit. "Well, son I remember when I was your age..."

Hey, maybe it's true love and they'll be together forever. But, if you're talking about a marriage that won't happen for two years, you might be better off pretending to be supportive and let nature take its course...

 

You all have no idea how much I appreciate the words of wisdom. I don't think that I can look at it objectively.

This board rocks.

 

I honestly think that you dodged the most dangerous bullet when he left her behind, at least temporarily, to go to the out-of-state university. The classrooms of local diploma mills are stuffed with really smart kids who couldn't bear to leave their Prom date behind.

 

I was really, really hoping that he would meet someone at college. Don't get me wrong, the HS sweetheart is a nice girl. But part of college is going out, chasing and being chased, making some memories and playing the field. He's missing out on that.

I know, that sounds awful. My son's doing fine academically. He's missing out on a lot of socialization and I think he's pretty socially immature. And now I see him getting engaged to this girl, I see him starting to throw away everything he hoped to achieve.

Yeah, I'm probably overreacting. All I can do is hope for the best and that he finishes the degree before anything else happens.

 

Beanpole, first support your kid. It's his life, not yours. Advise him to think the situation thoroughly. Don't argue. Talk. Keep you mouth shut and listen. I know it's hard but in the end, it will be a good move for you. Explain to him that love doesn't pay bills.
If he gets married before he finishes school, I'd say he's on his own.
Good luck.

 

I'm with you. I was single in college for all but about four months. I'm grateful for it. And I don't remember chasing tail. I remember the freedom and the time with friends. My wife and I were friends in college and started dating later. So best of both worlds - had the freedom in college, but also got to meet the girl.

I broke up with my h.s. sweetheart in November of my freshman year. Win!

 

Depends on the girl (and the guy). I had friends who were attached who still managed a good time. I had friends who were attached who basically spent their entire college years holed up in their love nest.

My wife had a boyfriend all through college (and high school), and she regrets it today. It's funny. I'll name people from our school that almost anyone would remember, and none of them ring a bell for her.

 

Yeah, that's a big concern. He's already thinking about married life with her rather than doing what he needs to do in school. It's not a big leap to think he'll move back home, change majors and be married before he's 21. Particularly since his mother and the girl's parents are like, "OK, congratulations."

And if he does that, the best he can hope for is assistant manager at a Target. Which would suck for a kid who's worked his butt off to attend school to become a pastor.