Adult ADD

I know I am not the only one here.

I've known for a long time that I have some trouble staying with one task, project, whatever--I do six things at once, but can't stop to do just one. My mind races fifty times faster than my desire to keep up with it. I am terrible about returning phone calls, managing domestic issues, following through on boring details, because I am racing to the next thing. 

Never really bothered me--in fact, it has probably served me very well in my life--but the more I learned about ADD, the more certain I became that there was a name for my mania. 

So I talked to a doctor/friend, who had me talk to another doctor, and he suggested I try a low dose Adderall to see if it made a difference.  Adderall, and other ADD drugs, stimulate the part of the brain that organizes basic information.  I'll do this, and then I'll do that, and when I'm finished, I'll do this. A clean mental desk with an in-box and an out-box.  People with ADD just have a messy mental desk.

I should tell you that I am completely anti-medication; I take nothing, either medically or recreationally, never have. I don't take cold medicine. I don't take vitamins. I almost never take Tylenol or Advil, because I like to know where my pains are.  I have never taken any recreational drugs in my life (including pot, because the smell made me sick). I could be president.

So taking ADD meds is really bizarre to me, but I thought I would give it a try, if just to see if it would affect me.

Yowsa.

I'm on Day 2, and feel completely driven to do more and more and more. And I don't really WANT to do more, but I feel like I should. Not sure this is a good thing, but thinking about it.  I have no appetite, and I definitely have to cut back on the coffee....I feel extremely wired.  And this is on a very low dose.  I probably won't stay on this, because I don't like the feeling of being chemically controlled, but I am completely fascinated by the impact of the medication. 

Wondering what experiences any of you have had with this. I know we've discussed this before, I know some of you think you are afflicted, and many of you think ADD is bogus. I don't know. Open to opinions.

 

I have it bad, combined with depression.

I took Ritalin when I was a kid and it dulled my senses so much, I had to get off it.

Maybe I should go back to the doctor.

Frankly, I would love medication that did that for me.

The way you compose what you write, I would have never guessed it.

Good luck, 21.

 

21, send me some.

 

I beat mine with will-power, but my doctor would rather me take medication. I took ritalin for a year when I was a kid, and my mother hated it. She said she would rather me be me, even if that sometimes meant trouble.

Some days my brain can be a real son of a bitch, and sometimes I can't process anything. But 95 percent of the time, I'm glad I still don't medicate it. I feel like it's who I am, if that makes sense. I drive myself and others (including the past two girls I dated) crazy sometimes, but for the most part I'm happy. I feel proud, really.

 

If you have beaten what I am battling with pure will, you deserve one of John Kerry's tossed war medals.

 

Like I said, I don't beat it every day. But I manage it most days. Sometimes I can't, though, and I frustrate myself and people around me.

 

The problem is sheerly biochemical and it is compounded by the complications/rigors of this profession. A lot of people are used to doing 10 things at once on this job and it just naturally carries over to everyday life. You feel like you can't even sit down and watch a movie without worrying about a thousand other fucking things. I find a self-identified project to be a good way to recentralize your focus. I am also anti-medication, although I really did enjoy and get a lot out of the herb at a point in my life.

 

FWIW, I would guess that such a reaction is fairly typical, but that yours is enhanced by your admirable restraint for other forms of drugs. Your body likely isn't accustomed to much in the way of chemical medication, and so when it gets something that, while low-dose, is still fairly powerful, it's going to react very noticeably. If it's low-dose, they may not be able to go much lower, but you may want to talk with your doctor about perhaps cutting the pills and taking half in the morning and half in the afternoon, or whatever fits your schedule.

From what I've gathered, though I've never taken any, most mental-health drugs have that effect at first, though they do settle down. If you really want to evaluate the drug's effectiveness, you'll probably have to take it for a week or two to see what happens.

Good luck though.

 

I'm sorry what were we talking about?

 

It doesn't affect my work at all.  Writing is easy for me.  What I can't do is fold laundry or organize my office or understand what to do with 75 half-used rolls of wrapping paper.

 

I just don't want to be a drone. My mom told me I was a drone on the meds the first time, and there is no one I trust more than her.

But, on the other hand, I was on vacation last week with some longtime friends, and I was having a hard time. I couldn't ever relax and enjoy the moment (a 180-degree turn from the norm) because I had to know what we were doing next. I had to know exactly where we were at all times, too. I had a few bad days in a row where I couldn't control it.

 

First and foremost, I hope you get the semblence of normalcy you're seeking.

Your description sounds exactly how my brain works and I have also wondered about whether I had ADD. I can't concentrate on shit, the veracity of that being that I am posting this right now when I should be doing other things!

But, like you, I also have wondered whether it actually helps me in a way. No matter how my mind works, the simple fact remains that I will still have all of these things to manage, perhaps compartmentalizing it might hurt me. Perhaps my ability to manage my frazzled mind within reason is what gives me a certain edge, especially in this business. My bobbing-and-weaving mind definitely helps me as a writer, I think.

But sometimes, it can be, at risk of overstating for lack of a better adjective, paralyzing. Sometimes I spend too much time analyzing what I should do next and end up not devoting enough time to actually doing any of it, making all of it worse. Things get rushed.

And if you combine a frazzled mind with a distracted mind due to something happening in your life you have no control over (such as a tragedy, bad work situation, etc.), the things that make you frazzled in the best of circumstances move to the back burner of your mind, but it doesn't take away that original frazzled element away. So balancing the emotional aspect vs. the inherent problem makes it an even bigger challenge. Still with me? That came off confusing as hell.

I also have serious hesitations about those kinds of drugs, but I wonder if my motivation in those fears are well-founded. Basically, I fear the unknown, I don't want my mind to work a different way. Maybe its the way my mind NEEDS to work. Maybe there really is nothing at all wrong. And there's a part of me who embraces my flaws -- if that's even what this is -- as well as my strengths as part of who I am.

Earlier in the thread I said I would have to manage all of these tasks that are in my mind anyway, maybe this is something our lifestyles force upon our minds, not the other way around?

Lately, I've been more focused, so I haven't worried about it. But like you, 21, there's been times I've been tempted to go the route you're going. I applaud anyone who does, and I'm all for whatever works for people. But I know I couldn't pull the trigger right now.

Don't know if any of this was helpful or not, 21, sorry about the rambling. If it's any consolation, I still have a supple ... never mind.