A Return to Virginity

Not exactly a new concept. Prior to WW2, single women used to obtain cards from physicians certifying their virginity and that the hymen had been broken by horseback riding or some other event. Philip Roth wrote about them in Portnoy's Complaint.

 

But if a husband in that case wanted out of the marriage upon finding out that his wife had betrayed his trust on an issue that she knew was extremely important to him, is he really out of line?

 

Well, I would argue that they are both out of line, him for asking in the first place, and her for lying. Assuming they care about each other, I think her reason for lying is better. People who obsess about consensual adult penis penetration seem a little creepy to me.

 

We will have to agree to disagree there. To me, the betrayal of trust is a bigger deal. I don't agree with the man's priorities in such a scenario, but if that is what matters to the guy, why does she have a right to lie to him to get him to marry her?

Let's put it in a different context with a hypotheticals situation. I am a Reformed Jew. I have been told more than once that Orthodox Jews don't even consider us to be truly Jewish.

So, for the sake of argument, say I met a woman who was an Orthodox Jew and decided to try to pursue a relationship with her. In that attempt, I lied to her and her family, telling them I was Orthodox as well because I knew she would never get involved with me otherwise. Eventually, we get married. Then, on the wedding night, I tell her the truth.

Would she be out of line if she wanted out of the marriage? Or would I be very much in the wrong because of the lies that I told?

 

I don't see it the same way. Sexual intercourse is a physical act, while what religion you pursue is a way of life.

I've never been any kind of religion, but I've always viewed the whole sexual purity thing with suspicion. It's not that I think it's a bad idea, but I think it's executed poorly. I mean, God knows that you lust in your heart, right, even if you don't actually act on it? And God knows if your girl gave a guy a handjob in ninth grade or had some other kind of sex with a guy in college, right? So hasn't she already violated the law of sexual purity? Or is the act of intercourse so vastly different that someone would prefer the girl who blew 100 guys but was never penetrated over the girl who had one previous monogamous sexual relationship?

That's why I think making virginity a high priority is a flawed concept, and why I think both parties would be in the wrong in the scenario you described previously.

 

Regarding the importance of virginity, I agree with you. My point was, in both cases we are dealing with one person who holds has very specific needs in a marriage partner due to their religious faith and in both cases the the person they married lied to them on that issue. The actual faith in question is irrelevant. The betrayal of trust is not.

 

I see this as no better or worse than the Christian "purity balls" taking place in the United States where young girls pledge their virginity to their fathers for "safekeeping" until they marry. New York Times also did an article on this practice.

It's an attempt by a religious culture to control women's sexuality through manipulation of self-esteem and fear of retribution.

http://www.nytimes.com/glogin?URI=http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/19/us/19purity.html&OQ=_rQ3D1&OP=6274c511Q2FfsVzfPQ2F0mQ26Q2FQ2FQ5E8f8UUtfUXf!Q7Df7mf!Q7Dq7Q26xQ5Ebv-Q5E2Q5C

 

Well, I don't give someone a pass just because something is included in his religious beliefs. I think it's a bad way to choose a partner, an unreasonable request to make of a person you supposedly care about, and would hold him accountable if asked to judge.

 

I believe that, stateside, the procedure is known as a "Mulligan."

 

That kind of surgery makes me sick.

Damn. And I thought this thread was about Mikey.

 

You are acting as if the woman has no choice but to be with the guy. She does not. She has every right to try to find somebody who does not thing virginity is important. To me, the issue is he came to care for her under false pretenses.

 

Yeah that's the whole rub of Muslim culture. I have muslim friends who say they aren't supposed to drink or smoke, yet they sit in their houses and smoke water pipes for hours a day, and say it is cultural thing and different from puffing a cigar.