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A movie about a killer tire

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Smallpotatoes, Apr 10, 2011.

  1. sgreenwell

    sgreenwell Well-Known Member

    I think they're aiming for different things. Rubber looks pretty tongue-in-cheek, while Human Centipede looks more among the gore-horror flicks (Hostel, the Saw movies).
  2. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    I've seen this movie before. This version must be a retread.
  3. sgreenwell

    sgreenwell Well-Known Member

    A patch job? [/crossthread]
  4. holy bull

    holy bull Active Member

    In the sequel, the tire is left for dead on the side of the road, but then it rains, and the tire becomes a spawning ground for thousands of mutant killer mosquitoes.
  5. Batman

    Batman Well-Known Member

    Referenced this movie on the previous page, but here's the original "fake" trailer for "Hobo With a Shotgun". I first saw it in front of "Machete", so I'm not sure if it was supposed to be real or not.

    It's more awesome than the actual trailer, which still looks badass and stars Rutger Hauer:
  6. Football_Bat

    Football_Bat Well-Known Member

    The tire was saddened because Tony Romo wouldn't throw footballs through it in the offseason.
  7. CentralIllinoisan

    CentralIllinoisan Active Member

    That's actually a good idea.
  8. Batman

    Batman Well-Known Member

    The tire (it actually has a name in the credits -- "Bob the Tire") was down on his luck after his job as a Cialis spokesman ended. He tried to reinvent himself as a pitchman for Trojan, but they were looking for a different kind of rubber.
  9. Bob Cook

    Bob Cook Active Member

    I think it was a spare from The Car.

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  10. Mystery Meat II

    Mystery Meat II Well-Known Member

    Human Millipede?
  11. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    I watched it last night On Demand. Yes, it is truly fucked up.
    Of course, right at the beginning of the movie, one of the characters says the film is a homage to no reason.
  12. Batman

    Batman Well-Known Member

    Finally got around to watching this last night On Demand.
    Holy shit, what a giant piece of rotten milk-infused elephant dung it was.
    Easily one of the two worst movies I've ever seen, along with The Grudge.
    At the beginning, there's the long speech about it being an homage to no reason that Smallpotatoes mentioned. By the end, when my wife was asking why I wanted to see this movie, that was the answer I had to give — no reason. I couldn't come up with a single one.
    Now, as for why it sucked, there were plenty of reasons. And since I want to keep the good folks of SJ from going down the same path I walked — setting $6.99 on fire and flushing the ashes down the toilet — I'm going to provide plenty of spoilers here:

    1) After the initial speech, the next 20 minutes is literally a tire rolling through the desert. That's it. It encounters a few things (a bottle, a rabbit, a bird) and blows them up, but all of that takes maybe a minute of the 20. The rest of the time? Tire rolling through the desert.
    There are also long panoramic shots that drag on forever, interspersed at different points in the movie. Bottom line, it's just a boring time. I'd rather punch myself in the liver for 82 minutes straight than sit through this again.

    2) They tried some sort of meta "movie within a movie" approach that did not work at all. There's a group of spectators watching the events of the film from a hillside. On its own, it might have been a fun intermission type thing. But out of 82 minutes of the movie, they spend about 30 with this group (and another 20 of the tire rolling through the desert) and they're an integral part of whatever the hell constitutes a plot.

    3) Speaking of the plot ... ummm ... yeah. There is none. Not even a killer tire. They get so caught up in making a stupid movie about "no reason" that they dispense with any semblance of what could have been a fun little awful B-movie. When you constantly remind the audience that your movie is stupid, it's not entertaining. It's like saying, "Hey, thanks for that $7! Idiot."
    That there wasn't an actual plot is probably the most disappointing thing about this flick. I didn't go in expecting Citizen Kane by any means, but the premise could've led to a really fun B-movie. There was even plenty of room for little winks to the audience that made it entertainingly bad. That's all I was hoping for. There's none of that here. Just a giant turd sandwich, all while being told you're an idiot for spending money to watch it and expecting anything remotely entertaining. I wasn't even confused by something that didn't make sense at the end. I was just pissed off.

    4) Again, not that you'd expect the acting to be top-notch here, but there isn't one remotely decent performance in this movie. None of the characters are even likable, nor are they fleshed out enough to even know who they are, let alone care about. Halfway through the movie, the sheriff stops production and tells everyone they can stop work and go home because all of the spectators are dead and no one is watching the movie anymore.
    If only I'd listened. "River Monsters" was new last night and it would've been time better spent. Jabbing a freshly sharpened pencil in my ear would've been time better spent.

    5) Whoever edited that trailer together deserves a trailer-editing Oscar. I'd say 95 percent of the scenes in it are from the last 20 minutes of the film. If the trailer actually reflected what was in the movie, it'd be 28 seconds of a tire rolling through the desert, 1 second of heads exploding and 1 second of a tire watching TV.

    I wanted to watch this movie. I wanted to like this movie. I gave it every chance in the world, just waiting for it to kick into gear. By the 30-minute mark, I could tell my wife was bored. By the 45-minute mark I was bored. At 59 minutes I checked to see how much time was left and would've turned it off if I hadn't paid to watch it and felt invested. By the time it was over, I felt totally ripped off.
    After some discussion, we came to the conclusion that watching this movie all the way through was akin to having anal sex that ended up getting a little too aggressive. It seemed like something fun and different at the time. Then, somewhere along the way, things got a little too weird. We both ended up with a shared sense of shame and regret, quietly turned away from each other in the bed, and agreed to never speak of it again.
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