A friend's dilemma inspires this...

For you married couples...

Let's say your spouse blows town in the middle of the night, says it's over after a series of lies to you, none of which are affairs. Pissed off, you decide to go get shitface and wind up at the home of a friend of the opposite sex at which point you get snuggly and a kiss or two is swapped. Suddenly, you sober up and you think this isn't a way to start a relationship or end one (stats support this destructive model of rebounding, even if the person you are with is someone you consider to be a good friend.)

Repentive, you go and share this with your ex who has returned home and wants to work on things. Do you tell them about the night they left? I didn't know what to tell him. As he said, if she hadn't bolted, he would have been home that night.

OK, your turn.

I'm glad my house is in good shape.

 

If you really want to make a marriage work, you have to be honest with each other.
I think you tell the wife, though maybe not the first day in the heat of the moment. You calmly explain what happened and leave not a single detail about how far it did and didn't go out.
To me, that transgression is less than the one the wife committed.
Then, I'd say if she can't get over it, then things were never going to work out anyway. Once people start waivering on their commitments, it's only a matter of time before they leave.

 

That's my thinking. Why would he have left if she hadn't? He told me he couldn't go home and see an empty place, packed up quickly in a three hours while he was at work. First thing he saw when he got home was some special things she wouldn't have left which made him think he really messed up. I did say that she fired the first missle.

 

Clarify. How much time passed between her leaving and him cheating?

If it was that same night they should just end the fucking relationship. If it was two months then you tell her ...

 

He didn't cheat. Hell, Clinton had "oral sex". Kissing is not oral sex. And it was THAT NIGHT....and remember in his defense the shock of being stunned with leaving over her own lies about some other issues started it.

 

Wonder who's fucking side you're on : ... he cheated. He's married. You don't kiss other women, no matter how bad things fucking get.

My wife took the kid once and went to her dad's because she was mad. Nothing too severe. Just tired of arguing with me. Nothing broken. No infidelity. Just mad. She came back the next day. There've been times when I walked out ... around the block. It's called cooling off.

We still love each other and everything's good. Shit happens. I sure as hell didn't go look up the first chick I could find ...

 

Honestly? Doesn't matter. They'll be divorced within 6 months either way.

 

Admittedly, I'm drunk. And single.

But under absolutely no circumstances would I tell the wife, were I in this guy's shoes. Everybody has secrets. This seems like a good one to keep to oneself.

 

And they should be.

 

6 months? Why waste time, they're done now.
Just get it over with.

 

Sure, but divorces take a few months.

 

Wow. Ya'll are quick to judge. Plenty of people have big fights. Plenty of people screw up, make bad decisions. There is such a thing as forgiveness.