A Dying Parent, Forgiving, Forgetting -- FINAL UPDATE

Matt, I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Sorry to hear this news Matt. My prayers to you and your family.

 

Anybody follow Ben Montgomery (@gangrey) on twitter.

His father just died, and he's not very upset about it.

I guess I just hope he doesn't regret some of his tweets.

 

Not everybody feels the same about their parents. I've been known to say some unkind things about my father, before and after he died. I don't regret any of them, but I still grieved and I still miss him.

 

I wonder how I'll feel. I know that not talking to my father for the last few years has made my life infinitely better. I don't wish harm on him, but I have no desire to see him either.

 

Geez Mizzou, sometimes I swear you have my log-in.

I moved 15 hours away from my parents 10 years ago and my life instantly improved. We did not talk for 3 years when my dad and step-mother snubbed my wedding. I finally called them to tell them they had a grand-daughter and since then we chat weekly but I can't say I feel any connection.

I make conscious decisions to not act like my father. I don't miss having him in life now and don't think I will miss him when he is gone.

 

Yeah, my dad and I have always had a very difficult relationship. He was a doctor in the military and to put it mildly, he's a hardass.

He was at my wedding, but he my stepmom did their best to create as much drama as they could in the days leading up to it.

When I got out of journalism, he started "piling on" and would go on and on about "I told you not to go into that field. I told you to do this. I told you to do that and you always have to do things your way."

He's a miserable prick. Three years ago, he was visiting and he and my stepmom just started giving my wife shit for no reason. I was out of work and it seemed like he was getting some perverse pleasure out of it. I threw him out of my house. I haven't spoken to him since. My life is infinitely better as a result.

I don't have time for people who can't be happy for you when something good happens and feel like piling on when something bad happens.

 

Mine wasn't as bad as yours, but we were barely speaking when he got sick. We did a lot to put those problems behind us over his last few months, but I still have a very clear view of the man and his flaws. That said, it was miserable watching the cancer eat him up and even moreso when it ended.

About eight months after he died, I got a job I wanted badly. First call was to Mrs. OOP. Second was to my mom. Then as I was driving home I started thinking about who I should call next and for a moment I just forgot he was gone and thought about calling him. I had to pull over. Man, that hit me hard, maybe even harder than the actual funeral.

But that's just my experience.

 

Have you followed his twitter feed?

I was pretty busy today, but I saw some of it. He was very blunt.

I'm not criticizing him at all. At all. His father sounds like a really angry drunk.

It's somewhat heartbreaking, really.