How F*** Tha Police Speaks To Me: Then and Now

I was rolling down the highway the other day and the gods of random play chose Fuck Tha Police by N.W.A.

Hadn't heard it in ages, but as ever, I enjoyed the shit out of it. I sort of got nostalgic to that day in 1989 when I first heard N.W.A.

It's hard to imagine since gangsta rap long ago permeated pop culture to the point where nearly all of its venom is cliche, but no one knew what to make of this shit when it was released. Certainly much of the language used, almost all of it now ubiquitous, was a total, beautiful, vulgarian mystery to 17-year-old Bubbler. Sure beat the shit out of Sheriff, Taylor Dayne and Samantha Fox.

The first time I heard it was the one and only time I skipped school. Me and my friend Clyde had our Ferris Bueller's Day Off rolling around Indy. He had bought N.W.A., King Tee and Too Short.

Gangstas? Word. Until you saw us rolling phat in our big-ass late 80s Lou Gramm-from-Chess King sweaters.



Not me. But might as well be. Only far, far worse in reality.

I can't even say we epitomized wanna-bes because that's an insult to wanna-be's. Compton wasn't in the house so much as Castleton was. (Emphasis on "Square" and "Mall")

So as I rode down the highway, I thought back and wondered how anything but the misogyny spoke to me in those days given my painfully suburban ways. And my unbelievably white skin and background.

Then it occurred to me ... how in the hell does it speak to me as a 41-year-old happily married professional and father of two in a turndown Indiana city?

Lets find out. Here's how Fuck Tha Police spoke to me then and now. Yella?

(DJ Yella scratch intro ...)

Right about now NWA court is in full effect ...
Judge Dre presiding in the case of NWA versus the police department.
Prosecuting attorneys are ...
MC Ren, Ice Cube, and Eazy Muthafuckin E.

Bubbler '12: Eazy Muthafuckin GOP?

Order, order, order. Ice Cube take the mother fuckin' stand.
Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothin but the truth so help your black ass?

"You god damn right."

Why don't you tell everybody what the fuck you gotta say?

Bubbler '89 and Bubbler '12: AIR SCRATCH ON THE DASHBOARD!

Fuck tha police
Comin straight from the underground
Young nigga got it bad cuz I'm brown

Bubbler '89: I got it bad too. I got fired from the Donut Depot because I forgot to make the drop. Fuck the bullshit.

And not the other color so police think
They have the authority to kill a minority
Fuck that shit, cuz I ain't tha one
For a punk muthafucka with a badge and a gun
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell

Bubbler '12: A more recent photo of the man who bum-rushed 5-0 ...



Fuckin with me cuz I'm a teenager
With a little bit of gold and a pager
Searchin my car, lookin for the product
Thinkin every nigga is sellin narcotics

Bubbler '89: Fuckin' A. Just like when that fucking security guard dick who kicks us out of the Lawrence North High School parking lot after hours. My dad pays Lawrence Township property taxes, asshole! We was motherfuckin' wiffle ballin'!

You'd rather see me in the pen
Then me and Lorenzo rollin in the Benzo

Bubbler '89: Or me and Brice rolling in the Silver Bullet.



Beat tha police outta shape
And when I'm finished, bring the yellow tape
To ... tape off ... the scene ... of the slaughter
Still can't swallow bread and water

Bubbler '12: Not a problem for present-day Cube. He'll swallow anything.



I don't know if they fags or what
Search a nigga down and grabbin his nuts
And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none
But don't let it be a black and a white one
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top
Black police showin out for the white cop

Bubbler '89: Booooo!!!!! White cops suck! (Had absolutely no life experience whatsoever to support that stance)

Ice Cube will SWARM
On ...

Bubbler '12: ... any mother fucka with a script that's lukewarm.



Just cuz I'm from the CPT, punk police are afraid of me
A young nigga on a warpath
And when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath
Of cops, dyin in LA ...

Bubbler '89: Yeah. Those cops wouldn't last a minute in Castleton. We'd lure 'em into the Steak-n-Shake and fuck their shit up. Break yourself, punk ass Castleton Security! Don't make me put a green-hot chile pepper in your eye! Shit stings don' it!

Yo Dre, I got somethin to say ...

Fuck the police ...

More to come ...

 

This might be my favorite post ever. A late entry for 2012. Comin straight outta Castleton, a crazy motherfucker named Bubbler.

 

Always wondered how N.W.A. played to kids from places like the Midwest, who had no real understanding of what they were singing about. I grew up 12 miles from the area in question and didn't have a real understanding. I was a headbanger, anyway.

Media were a lot different back when that album came out, and it was pretty impossible for dudes a thousand miles away to really "get it." I have always thought that much of the audience for so-called gangsta rap is suburban kids from the Midwest who want to act like some definition of "cool," but have absolutely no idea what Ice Cube and friends were singing about, and who would pee themselves if they were ever caught in Compton in broad daylight.

Enjoyed the post.

 

Example, Scene 1 ...

"Pull your god damn asses over right now!
"Aw shit. What the fuck you pull me over for?"
"CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! Just sit your ass on the curb and SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"Man, fuck this shit!"
"All right, smart ass, I'm taking your BLACK ASS to jail!"

M.C. Ren, will you please give your testimony to the jury about this fucked up incident?

Bubbler '12: MC Ren, will you please ... where the fuck have you been? Seriously, what the fuck happened to Ren? He disappeared off the face of the Earth.



That's what happened? He turned into black Lou Bega?

He was on-par with Cube in the early days on N.W.A. He could rhyme. He had a cool voice. What the fuck, Ren? Bring the old shit ...

Fuck tha police and Ren said it with authority
Because the niggaz on the street is a majority.
A gang is with whoever I'm stepping

Bubbler '89: Like Brice. And Clyde. And Alan. Pipe-hitting Castleton to the motherfuckin' core.

And the motherfuckin' weapon is kept in ...
a stash box for the so-called law ...
Wishin' Ren was a nigga that they never saw ...



Bubbler '89: Got a pen knife stashed in the door of my '84 Buick Regal. STEP OFF!

Lights start flashin' behind me
But they're scared of a nigga so they mace me to blind me
But that shit don't work, I just laugh
Because it gives 'em a hint not to step in my path

To the police I'm sayin' fuck you punk
Readin' my rights and shit, it's all junk
Pullin' out a silly club, so you stand
With a fake-assed badge and a gun in your hand

Bubbler '12: Silly club? Really? Non-Eazy low point.

But take off the gun so you can see what's up
And we'll go at it punk and Ima fuck you up

Bubbler '89: Fuck! That's so awesome. Hey! We'll go at it punk and Ima fuck you up!

(spoken to my dog)



Make ya think I'm a kick your ass
But drop your ghat, and Ren's gonna blast
I'm sneaky as fuck when it comes to crime

Bubbler '12: Me too. I put an extra mile on my muthafuckin' expense report!

But I'm a smoke 'em now, and not next time ...

Smoke any muthafucka that sweats me
Or any asshole that threatens me
I'm a sniper with a hell of a scope ...

Bubbler '89: Shit yeah. Duck Hunt, motherfucker. At the god damn mall. I'll twist some ducks' fucking caps.



Takin out a cop or two, they can't cope with me ...

The motherfuckin' villian that's mad
With potential to get bad as fuck
So I'm a turn it around
Put in my clip, yo, and this is the sound ...

(gunfire)

Ya somethin like that, but it all depends on the size of the ghat ...

Bubbler '89: Like if I play Duck Hunt on Nintendo, I can twist the gun sideways and be all gangsta and shit.



But if I try that in the mall, it doesn't work, I lose my turn and I have to curb-stomp that asshole sweatin' me with his quarters up. I keep telling the Aladdin's Castle manager that I CAN'T FUCKING TWIST MY GHAT AND PLAY GANGSTA STYLE IN HIS JOINT AND TO FIX THE FUCKING DUCK HUNT MACHINE! Sick and tired of his frontin'.

Takin out police would make my day ...
But a nigga like Ren don't give a fuck to say!

Fuck the police ...

Bubbler '12: I don't give a fuck to say either. I just like saying that. I don't give a FUCK to say. Or is it, I don't give a fuck TO SAY? Or, I don't GIVE a fuck to SAY? I'm so white.

"Police, open now. We have a warrant for Eazy-E's arrest."
"Get down and put your hands up where I can see em."
"What the fuck did I do?"

Bubbler '12: What the fuck didn't you do? Magic Johnson and Wilt Chamberlain think you should have packed the plastic. You went out like Willie LumpLump. And you're memorialized in horrid, cheesy/awesome shit like this ...



"Just shut the fuck up and get your motherfuckin' ass on the floor. Just shut the fuck up!"

"Eazy E, come up to the stand and tell the jury how you feel about this bullshit."

I'm tired of the muthafuckin jackin' ...

Bubbler '89 and Bubbler '12: Huh? Jacket?

Sweatin my gang while I'm chillin' in the shackin
Shining tha light in my face and for what?
Maybe it's because I kick so much butt

Bubbler '12: Probably not.

I kick ass ...

Bubbler '12: Nope.

Or maybe cuz I blast

Bubbler '12: No you don't.

On a stupid assed nigga when I'm playin with the trigga
Of any Uzi or an AK
Cuz the police always got somethin stupid to say

Bubbler '89: Eazy-E is the shit. In N.W.A.? I'm throwing my weight behind him. Dude is tight. I'll bet he's got a long-ass career ahead of him! He'll always keep it real!

(Three years later ...)



They put up my picture with silence
Cuz my identity by itself causes violence

Bubbler '12: Certainly your former N.W.A. partners felt the same way ...



The E with the criminal behavior
Yeah, I'm a gangsta, but still I got flavor
Without a gun and a badge, what do ya got?
A sucka in a uniform waitin' to get shot.

Bubbler '89: Hey Brice, you've been to L.A., you think Eazy lives the life? You think he's shot anyone? This shit sounds REALLY authentic. They just can't have made this shit up, right?
Brice '89: I've only been to Orange County so I'm not sure.
Bubbler '89: I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Eazy E is fucking dangerous.




... by me ... or another nigga.
And with a ghat it don't matter if he's smarter or bigger

(Sidle him, kid, he's from the old school, fool)

Bubbler '89: What the hell was that? Did he just say 'Massage king shit ... he's from the old school, fool?' Massage King Shit! Fucking sweet rhyme. Yo Clyde ... Eazy-E is MASSAGE KING SHIT, HE'S FROM THE OLD SCHOOL FOOL!
Clyde '89: What's a massage king shit? Sounds gay. You into that? You into massages and shit-dipped dicks?
Bubbler '89: NO! FUCK OFF! I'M 17 AND NOT SELF-CONFIDENT ENOUGH FOR GAY BANTER YET!

And as you all know, E's here to rule ...

Whenever I'm rollin', keep lookin' in the mirror
And there's no cue, yo, so I can hear a ...
Dumb muthafucka with a gun.

And if I'm rollin off the 8, he'll be tha one
That I take out, and then get away ...

Bubbler '12: I got nothing for the most boring portion of Fuck Tha Police. So I'll post this bit of awesomeness.



And while I'm drivin off laughin'
This is what I'll say ...

Bubbler '12: RIP Eazy. Your death gave me cause to post this awesome tribute.



So many questions. Does Jesus have a duck in his arm? (DUCK HUNT!) I know he's supposed to standing behind the Earth, but it looks like he's a half-Jesus, half-lamb and has melded himself into the Earth.

And he is apparently readying himself to take a shit on Nate Dogg's head. And by being at left hand of Jesus, are you implying that you're the Holy Spirit? I thought Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony had this shit covered in Crossroads? This is some mystical-ass shit.

Fuck the police, etc. ...

"The jury has found you guilty of being a redneck, whitebread, chickenshit motherfucka."

Bubbler '89: Hell yeah. Since I'm down, there's no way N.W.A. would ever see me IN EXACTLY THE SAME LIGHT.

"Wait, that's a lie. That's a goddamn lie. I want justice! I want justice!
FUCK YOU, YOU BLACK MOTHER FUCKER!"

Bubbler '12: Too bad. I mean ... too bad the market for stereotypical white racist guy on rap records has pretty much dried up over the years. That's a job I would've been perfect at. C'mon Dre, you invented the form, breathe some life into it. I could use a buck.

Fuck the police ...

 

The Silver Bullet was probably the crappiest car ever.

Didn't it ultimately catch on fire?

 

I was living in a small town in central Kentucky when this came out, and we thought it was the most awesome stuff we'd ever heard!

My friends and I literally wore out the tape we listened to this album so much, especially the first three songs. It was our main driving music on the weekends for the longest time.

Lots of Raiders caps were sold in our area, that's how big of an impact it had. And pretty much everyone I knew that didn't just like country to classic rock, loved NWA and Public Enemy. And if we were any whiter, we'd be clear.

 

If Bubbler posts anything more the cops are gonna have to gaffle him.

Very well done!

The midwest experience with NWA is very similar to the Canadian experience with NWA.

 

Awesome.

Not awesome.

 

Awesome, Bubs. A friend from high school at the time had gotten an apartment at 47th and Georgetown, and I'd meet them there, and we'd go rollin' blasting Straight Outta Compton in his truck, the bed of which was completely filled with speakers and amps. The deep bass in "Straight Outta Compton" sounded and felt like somebody was smashing a sledghammer on the speaker case. Of course, that attracted the attention of somebody who, within days of my friend installing the speaker system and an alarm system that was supposed to protect it, jacked the whole system from his truck in the apartment parking lot.

 

I'm tired of the motherfuckin' jackin'.

 

Well done, sir.

I loved gangsta rap. I still do. It was a released a couple of years later, but Natural Born Killaz was probably my favorite song out of that era. I always loved Tupac's cameo at the end of the video.

 

Killers! Doesn't anyone know how to spell anymore?