40 things every self-respecting man over 30 should own

I guess you don't get No. 41, surgically-enhanced trophy bride, until you turn 50.

 

Audiophiles say that certain types of vinyl provide a much better sound than mp3s and CDs

 

Happy hour didn't go well.

I sat down and ordered a Grain Belt, then I realized that Grain Belt has been around since the Stone Age and people might judge me. You know, 'hey, look at the old guy drinking that crap' thing.

So next round I ordered a local 'craft' brew. Then I realized I might look pretentious to some, trying hard to be hip and too old to pull it off.

Truth be told I like both beers, so I alternated a couple more rounds.

As I sat I pondered my situation. I've been asked to help out a youth hockey team. I'd have to be on the ice. My skates and stick are from the 70s. Should I get new equipment? Will my old stuff make me look pretentious to the kids? The parents? I don't want that.

Anyway, back to the hoarder thing, I've dealt with a couple and it is frightening. They're both trapped and comforted by their possessions.

The list is full of crap, and I never would think anyone should have a turntable. It struck a cord with me because I like music and have some gear so I posted a picture. That's all.

But I do have a Leatherman.

 

This list would be a little better if the first picture does not show a man in a suit that does not fit him. The sleeves make him look like a 12-year-old in a borrowed suit at a wedding.

And you can't fix a fucking thing with that tool kit.

And an iron skillet will not work on a glass top oven, which most people have who do not have natural gas. A good copper-bottom skillet is a better choice.

I would add to this list...

A real set of knives for your kitchen and a real cutting board.
Good bath towels.
A good robe.
A decent set of plates.

 

Forgot to address the VCRs. We had three TVs, so three VCRs. The tapes we shot of our kid's birthdays, etc. are 90% VCR, so I keep the players.

 

That was a shitty toolbox. It looks like the version parents give their daughters when they move into their first apartment.

 

Every douchbag eventually wants to do what the person who does not give a fuck is doing.

 

Poin's response has me worried.

That's not the Poin I've read over the years.

Usually he's like a dog on a bone. No offense, Poin.

That response seems odd, like it wasn't him. What's 'keep his opinion to himself' mean? That won't be fun, Internet Massage Boards don't work that way.

WHO ARE YOU POIN IMPOSTER AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH OUR POIN?!

 

I suspect that may well be true, if you're willing to spend at least $10k on your turntable and system and listen to nothing but pristine 180 gram vinyl. I do find it funny that a lot of the people you hear railing about the shitty sound quality of CDs and yearning for the days of vinyl are guys like Neil Young, who can't hear shit after decades of standing in front of a bank of amps.

My vinyl mostly sounds like shit, and did back when I had a decent stereo.

I still find vinyl really attractive in a lot of ways. I miss the great album art, and there was somehow sort of a commitment in listening to a side of an LP that I liked.

Those really can't compete with the sound quality and convenience of digital music, though.

 

Damn, why didn't he check in before leaving? BYH??!!!!

 

OK, I counted 24, but I was a bit loose on a few things:

6. My nice wallet also happens to be falling apart. At one time, it was a really nice wallet, but I've had it for 10-plus years. Still, it's leather, so I think it sort of counts.
9. I have a very nice queen-sized mattress and box spring, but it's on the metal frame with no headboard. The list derides "sleeping on a futon," though, and I'm way ahead of that.
10. I keep a flashlight in my car. Again, I think it counts.
12. My weekend bag is a Sports Illustrated gym bag. But it's not a backpack. This probably shouldn't count, but I don't care. I'm classy.
16. I own two bath towels. Two counts as multiple.
32. I have some dress socks without holes and some with holes. This definitely counts.
39. My book collection is about 50 deep, but it's all in boxes. This still should count.

Anyway, it seems as though I have some purchasing to do before I turn 30. Or I could just ignore this bullshit because why would I have a wine opener when I don't drink wine or a French press when I don't drink coffee or a record player when I own 400 CDs or cologne when it makes me all sneezy or a watch when I carry my cell phone at all times?

The six I probably should buy eventually that I don't have:

1. A tailored suit (black or otherwise).
4. Stocks (through some sort of mutual fund or 401K).
11. Proper glassware (because I drink enough to merit a real set).
19. A flask (which I've long felt should be a gift, not a personal purchase, unless you have a real need).
28. Sunglasses (because my last pair broke last year and I've somehow gone all summer without buying a new pair).
35. Multiple sheet sets (though I always do laundry all at once).

 

I have 34 of the items. No watch which works and I have a wine rabbit and not their implement. I actually own a record player, but only because I have my mom's old stereo in my basement.

Good bedding is something which says that you are an adult.