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2012 SJ.com Awards Ceremony

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Ryan Seabiscuit, Dec 23, 2012.


Who deserves the 2012 SJ.com Poster of the Year Award?

Poll closed Dec 31, 2012.
  1. Bubbler

  2. Care Bear

  3. dooley_womack1

  4. Double Down

  5. Versatile

  1. Ryan Seabiscuit

    Ryan Seabiscuit New Member

    Welcome, everyone, to another meaningless awards show. I'll be your ridiculously good-looking centaur host as we proceed through this inane exercise in back-patting and glad-handing. Suzy Favor Hamilton was supposed to be back stage, but Kenny Tran says we don't click enough ads.

    Before we get to our awards, we want to thank our corporate sponsors, most of which manufacture penis enhancements. We also want to thank the 26 voting members, each of whom spent three minutes filling out a ballot to make this whole darn thing possible.

    Here they are, in a list no one will read: Amy, Bubbler, buckweaver, Care Bear, Chef2, Dick Whitman, dooley_womack1, Double Down, Gehrig, I Should Coco, Johnny Dangerously, jr/shotglass, LongTimeListener, Lugnuts, MisterCreosote, Norrin Radd, printit, Riptide, Rumpleforeskin, SpeedTchr, Tom Petty, Uncle.Ruckus, Versatile, waterytart, WriteThinking and YankeeFan.

    This year was an interesting one for SportsJournalists.com. We lost another crucial member, SF_Express, whom we will honor later in the ceremony. We gained (and brought back) a few more, which is a good thing even if Tom Petty was the side effect. Puns were spun. Songs were rewritten. Complaints were made. MisterCreosote was wed. And everything was overanalyzed.

    The choices of the voting committee reflect this year pretty well. There were ties, which are the equivalent of arguments with outofplace, and blowouts, which are the equivalent of The Big Ragu's posts on the banking system.

    With no further delay, here are your winners:

    All-SportsJournalists.com first team
    Bubbler: The official ranter of SportsJournalists.com gave us Kermit the cuckold, Yoda the syphilitic lecher and an investigation into why suburban white teenagers identified with N.W.A.
    Care Bear: Violent and vulgar, this new mother endeared her son to the board, ruined butterscotch pudding and bought a new computer.
    dooley_womack1: This man of few words and many posts became SportsJournalists.com's career leader, settled a crucial argument and lapped the field in inside jokes.
    Double Down: This eloquent statesman wrote a dissertation on TV, defended his friends and made nuanced stands on important topics such as the election and Tim Tebow.
    Versatile: The official vote collector probably cheated to make this list.

    All-SportsJournalists.com second team: Bob Cook, buckweaver, dixiehack, imjustagirl, LongTimeListener, Lugnuts, MisterCreosote, RickStain

    Smartest Poster
    Frank_Ridgeway: The veteran journalist mostly serves as a mouthpiece for men's fashion.
    RickStain: SportsJournalists.com's official chess master is a Bears fan and insomniac. It's complicated.
    Runners-up: Alma and doctorquant

    Funniest Poster
    Bubbler: Longer intervals between haircuts would have sealed the solo win for him.
    Care Bear: Florence Nightingale can eat a big bowl of dicks.
    Runners-up: Double Down, Starman and Versatile

    Master Debater
    Dick Whitman: The lesson of this vote: Always start with the most extreme example possible.
    Runners-up: Azrael and Double Down

    Best Canadian
    HC: That musical Christmas card clearly was a campaign tactic.
    Runner-up: JR

    Best Moderator
    Moderator1: The name recognition probably is an unfair advantage.
    Runner-up: Flying Headbutt

    Best Troll
    MankyJimy: This makes up for Miguel Cabrera robbing Derek Jeter of the AL MVP.
    Runner-up: Norrin Radd

    Best Newcomer
    Amy: The presenter of this award better not have a fucking goatee.
    Runner-up: Gehrig

    Best Feud
    Penn State: Mark2010 doesn't understand the big deal.
    Norrin Radd vs. jr/shotglass: This seems redundant.
    Runners-up: outofplace vs. everyone and Tom Petty vs. Armchair_QB

    Thread of the Year
    "Petrino - not riding solo," started by Moderator1: Freqposter, “she's a 6” and so much more originated here.
    Runner-up: "THE 2012 POLITICS THREAD," started by Moderator1

    Post of the Year
    "Case hates JackReacher," by Care Bear: Give a hockey assist to YGBFKM.
    Runner-up:"This was Compuserve," by Versatile

    Running Joke/Meme of the Year
    Kate Upton is fat:
    Runner-up: She's a 6

    Lifetime Achievement Awards
    For this section, honoring two of our greatest members, we turn the microphone over to all-SportsJournalists.com first-team member dooley_womack1. His words are italicized.

    Ron "spnited" Drogo Memorial Award: BYH
    Just take eight seconds to consider what BYH has meant to this board. A good friend and listener to many; a learned baseball man, Joe Girardi's opinion notwithstanding; a man of education, deeply caring that Donna Martin graduated.

    And yes, a lovable crabass above all else. His salary-cap feuds with OOP and Columbo in his various guises are the template of entertaining vitriol. He and spnited of course were a perfect pair, one needing saltpeter, the other needing Viagra, and both cussing out the Mets' latest fuckup. I can think of no better dickhead for this award than BYH. It's a shame the man whom the award is named after won't be back, except in spirit. I hope we won't have to say that about the winner of this memorial honor.

    Craig "SF_Express" Stanke Memorial Award: Johnny Dangerously and Moderator1
    As Craig Stanke, he made a big impact on the journalism world. As SF_Express, he made a big impact on the SportsJournalists.com world. Those impacts were so big that it takes two people to do his memorial award justice. And there are none more fitting than Moderator1 and Johnny Dangerously.

    Like Craig, Moddy is a leader, a shaper of journalists and journalism, not afraid to be forthright and let the chips fall where they may. And like Craig, JD looks at life with humor and perspective and a joie de vivre. Neither of them, even with a cold one waiting at the finish, were nearly as good of runners, I am sure.

    Amy, you needn't worry. SportsJournalists.com has done right by Craig's legacy.

    With that, thank you all for coming. Vote in the poll, which expires Dec. 31 at about 1 a.m. ET. And have a happy holiday season. I'm going to go tear up some mare butt.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2015
  2. Ballot Box

    Ballot Box New Member

    A couple stats from the nerd department:
    • 42 posters received all-SportsJournalists.com votes.
    • 14 received votes for the smartest poster, most for any individual category.
    • Tom Petty received votes for four different feuds.
    • Gehrig voted for himself as Best Newcomer.
    • Former Poster of the Year winners Bubbler (2005) and Double Down (2007) are vying to be the first two-time winner. Mizzougrad96 (2003), imjustagirl (2004) and Jones (2006) are the other previous winners.
    • Shut up, Care Bear.

    YGBFKM Guest

    So Versatile voted for himself twice?
  4. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    That seems to be the only logical explanation.

    Edit: I see what you mean. And no, I didn't vote for myself even once.
  5. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Lesson 1. Don't vote for yourself, or fuck box will call you on it
  6. I Should Coco

    I Should Coco Well-Known Member

    Great job with this, Vers.

    This awards ceremony was as solid as Ryan Seabiscuit's, uh, handle. :D
  7. Bubbler

    Bubbler Active Member

    Thanks everyone. I'm going to make a dead deer on Waikiki very happy tonight!
  8. Frank_Ridgeway

    Frank_Ridgeway Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the votes, folks. Or thanks to Versatile for rigging the votes. I hope he wins the first Frank Ridgeway Memorial Award someday.
  9. Tom Petty

    Tom Petty New Member

    good work, fuckbox!
  10. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your votes. I have no illusions about the next part of the process. My over-under is 3 votes in the poll, if my sock puppets don't vote.
  11. Norrin Radd

    Norrin Radd New Member

    I accept the Best Troll runnerup with a mixture of amusement and arrogance.

    Apparently, receiving Best Feud votes is not based on whether or not the feud is evenly matched.

    But I will also accept that particular doorstop.
  12. Moderator1

    Moderator1 Moderator Staff Member

    I'm usually not a big fan of these things - not for what they are but for the problems they have caused in the past with upset posters and whiners, etc. We had NONE of that this year, so thank you.

    But even if we had: I am touched beyond description to think I'm even thought of in any way like Craig Stanke. He was a role model in so many ways, almost a perfect human because he recognized his own imperfections and made positive steps to change them, because he recognized the good in so many people, because he loved this business so much *** I could go on and on and on.

    To those who thought enough of me to mention me for that award, a zillion and a half thank yous. Sincerely. It means a lot.

    And JD is a most worthy recipient as well. JD stands out to me like Craig did. I know JD and he is a tremendous individual.

    Hell, I could burn my turkey now and this day would still be grand!
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