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15 seconds from a beat down. Phew.

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by The Big Ragu, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    What an afternoon. I went out earlier to buy a bottle of water. Outside the store, a bunch of construction workers were hanging out, smoking and scarfing down food. That's pretty common outside this place, because there is a lot of construction going on in this neighborhood.

    This black woman with two young white kids (so it was a safe guess she was a nanny) was trying to walk past these guys who were blocking the whole sidewalk and acting rowdy. I saw this all as I was leaving the store. She said, "Excuse me," really politely, and one of the construction guys, who looked like a cross between Lyle Alzado and Andre the Giant, purposely blocked her way even more. He broke into a creepy smile and said, "How about after you drop the kids off, you come back here for some lunch?" His friends started to laugh. The woman reached back and tried to grab the two kids' hands, so she could get the hell away. But the Andre Alzado guy wouldn't let it go. He unzipped his fly and said something like, "Come back here. I have your lunch." His buddies laughed like hyenas.

    That's where dorky me appeared. I had just come out of the store, and I got between him and the woman and in a crackling voice about three octaves higher than normal said something like, "What the hell's the matter with you?" So Andre Alzado turned his attention to me, while this woman got the two kids away. Figuring I was about to get sent to the hospital, I said my piece--except I was yelling at 9600 RPMs, like a guy scared out of his mind. Lyle the Giant started yelling back at me, in even less flattering terms. That went on for close to a minute. People were gathering around. Fifteen seconds more and this guy would have thrown a punch that may have ended my life. He easily had half a foot and 100 pounds on me.

    THANKFULLY, before I got my ass kicked up and down the street, two fairly big guys from the pizza place next door and two cops who were in there came out and broke it all up. The construction crew took off, and I got a few pats on the back (and a "Are you out of your fucking mind?" from one of the cops.)

    So if I suddenly disappear from the board one day soon--because there's a chance I will see this guy again--you'll now know why. If that happens, please check all of the local hospitals for John Does who have been mauled beyond recognition.
  2. dixiehack

    dixiehack Well-Known Member

    You could pull a Bugs Bunny trick and hide an iron plate behind the sign.
  3. Freelance Hack

    Freelance Hack Active Member


    If you go missing, I'll file a missing persons report.

    "Officer, he's a white guy wearing a blue polo shirt. His face is pale and resembles a letter-sized piece of paper."
  4. donnie23

    donnie23 Member

    Don't Hassle the Hoff, or Andre Alzado.
  5. Flying Headbutt

    Flying Headbutt Moderator Staff Member

    He also had a watch that talked to him, and a car that drove itself. Or at least his friend does. Or, well, it was a guy he liked that had that. I'm not sure if they were friends.

    Seriously though, good for you Ragu. I've been there before, and even though I was bigger than the guy who was being a dick, I was also much more sober, and not as white trashy as him, so I had no idea what kind of weaponry he had inside his oversized pickup. Of course, had I known that his girlfriend or wife or whatever was also someone who had stolen a purse from a business across the street, I'd have just called police on the scumbags. Oh well.
  6. JR

    JR Well-Known Member

    And he was last seen at an Ayn Rand convention.

    Good work, Ragu. I've met you so I can picture the damn scene.
  7. three_bags_full

    three_bags_full Well-Known Member

    Good job, Ragu.

    I wonder if douchenozzle will think twice before hassling a lady again.
  8. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Doubtful. He'll probably do it again tomorrow just hoping to get another crack at Ragu.

    Good work by the way, Rags.
  9. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

    Write an editorial for your paper.
  10. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    Great job Ragu. And as JR said, I can picure it exactly.

    Meanwhile, think this will make tomorrow's Post?
  11. Twoback

    Twoback Active Member


    Perhaps if the NYT people read this site, you could end up famous like the subway guy.
    Just a thought.
    (Nice work, BTW).
  12. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    Bernie Ragu Goetz!
    Now that's funny.
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