15 seconds from a beat down. Phew.

What an afternoon. I went out earlier to buy a bottle of water. Outside the store, a bunch of construction workers were hanging out, smoking and scarfing down food. That's pretty common outside this place, because there is a lot of construction going on in this neighborhood.

This black woman with two young white kids (so it was a safe guess she was a nanny) was trying to walk past these guys who were blocking the whole sidewalk and acting rowdy. I saw this all as I was leaving the store. She said, "Excuse me," really politely, and one of the construction guys, who looked like a cross between Lyle Alzado and Andre the Giant, purposely blocked her way even more. He broke into a creepy smile and said, "How about after you drop the kids off, you come back here for some lunch?" His friends started to laugh. The woman reached back and tried to grab the two kids' hands, so she could get the hell away. But the Andre Alzado guy wouldn't let it go. He unzipped his fly and said something like, "Come back here. I have your lunch." His buddies laughed like hyenas.

That's where dorky me appeared. I had just come out of the store, and I got between him and the woman and in a crackling voice about three octaves higher than normal said something like, "What the hell's the matter with you?" So Andre Alzado turned his attention to me, while this woman got the two kids away. Figuring I was about to get sent to the hospital, I said my piece--except I was yelling at 9600 RPMs, like a guy scared out of his mind. Lyle the Giant started yelling back at me, in even less flattering terms. That went on for close to a minute. People were gathering around. Fifteen seconds more and this guy would have thrown a punch that may have ended my life. He easily had half a foot and 100 pounds on me.

THANKFULLY, before I got my ass kicked up and down the street, two fairly big guys from the pizza place next door and two cops who were in there came out and broke it all up. The construction crew took off, and I got a few pats on the back (and a "Are you out of your fucking mind?" from one of the cops.)

So if I suddenly disappear from the board one day soon--because there's a chance I will see this guy again--you'll now know why. If that happens, please check all of the local hospitals for John Does who have been mauled beyond recognition.

 

He also had a watch that talked to him, and a car that drove itself. Or at least his friend does. Or, well, it was a guy he liked that had that. I'm not sure if they were friends.



Seriously though, good for you Ragu. I've been there before, and even though I was bigger than the guy who was being a dick, I was also much more sober, and not as white trashy as him, so I had no idea what kind of weaponry he had inside his oversized pickup. Of course, had I known that his girlfriend or wife or whatever was also someone who had stolen a purse from a business across the street, I'd have just called police on the scumbags. Oh well.