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10,000 Favorite Quotes from The Simpsons

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Hank_Scorpio, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. MC Sports Guy

    MC Sports Guy Member

    Classics from Ralph:
    "The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of there."
    "Me fail english? That's unpossible!"
     
  2. Hank_Scorpio

    Hank_Scorpio Active Member

    Airline captain as the Simpsons are leaving Japan: "Uh, everyone, please strap yourselves in, as we are experiencing a little Godzilla-related turbulence. It doesn't look too bad, though. He usually lets go at about 30,000 feet, and, after that, we'll just have to worry about Moth-Ra, Ged-Ra, and Rodan."
     
  3. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    Homer: (looking at comics) Heh, heh ... Andy Capp ... that wife-beating drunk!

    Bart: Gosh Homer, you suck!
    Homer: Yeah ... suck like a fox!

    Man: Well, sir, I'll be honest with you: I need a large African elephant and I need it today. But I'm afraid this just isn't what I'm looking for.
    Homer: What do you mean? It's an elephant, isn't it?
    Man: Well, it is, and it isn't. If you understand what I mean.
    Homer: (blank, confused look) ... He likes peanuts.

    Insurance guy: And this Moe's is this some sort of business?
    Homer's Brain: Don't say you were at a bar, don't say you were at a bar... But what else is open at midnight?
    Homer: (smiling) It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
    Homer's Brain: Pornography, I would've never thought of that.

    Homer: (rapping) Boom, cha-cha, Boom, cha-cha, Boom-cha-Boom. I'm Mr. Plow and I'm here to say I'm the plowingest guy in the USA! I have a big plow and I'll move a lot of things and I'll sack you cow if you have one!
    Bart: Stop that right now.
    Lisa: Promise you'll never do that again.

    Mr. Plow is the greatest Simpsons episode ever!
     
  4. Huggy

    Huggy Well-Known Member

    From my fave episode, Bart the Murderer:

    Principal Skinner: Here's a whole box of unsealed envelopes for the PTA!
    Bart: You're making me lick envelopes?
    P.S.: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game
    of it.
    Bart: What kind of game?
    P.S.: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
    Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
    P.S.: Yes, well... Get started.

    Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... um... What cures cancer?

    Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
    Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
    Bart: No.
    Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
    Bart: Uh uh.
    Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
    Bart: I guess that's okay.
    Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
    Bart: Hell, no!
    Tony: Enjoy your gift.
     
  5. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    Damn you, Bubbler! That was gonna be my next quote.
     
  6. Grohl

    Grohl Guest

    For some reason, this one always makes me laugh, maybe because it's so bitingly sarcastic:

    Comic Book Guy: Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh.

    (This has the potential to be the greatest thread ever.)
     
  7. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    Kent Brockman: Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over, 'conquered' if you will, by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here.

    And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

    Homer: Hey, guys, look what I smuggled aboard!
    Buzz Aldrin: Homer, no! (Homer opens the bag of potato chips)
    Race Bannon: They'll clog the instruments!
    Buzz Aldrin: Careful, they're ruffled!

    Marge: I think the money should be spent on something the whole town can be proud of.
    Homer: Like a giant billboard that says "no fat chicks!"?
     
  8. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    "To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders."

    Homer's brain: I'm a big four-eyed, lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and ...

    "The Springfield River!"
     
  9. TwoGloves

    TwoGloves Well-Known Member

    Homer to Lisa: "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
     
  10. PopeDirkBenedict

    PopeDirkBenedict Active Member

    Kent Brockman: Dozens of people are gunned down each day, but until now, none of them was important. At 3:00 PM Friday, local aurocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot following a tense confrontation at town hall. He was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead. He was then taken to a better hospital where his condition was upgraded to "alive."

    Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

    Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
     
  11. joe

    joe Active Member

    It was the show from Season 2 entitled “Two Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every Fish,” that originally aired on Nov. 1, 1990. The one where C. Montgomery Burns runs for governor (ahhhh … now you remember). The one where Marge fed him the head of Blinky, the three-eyed fish, which Burns proceeded to spit like a watermelon seed. Or a wad of Beechnut. Here’s the exact exchange:
    Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That’s democracy for you.
    Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
     
  12. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty
    vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy
    sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
    Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent.
    Forty percent of all people know that.
    Kent: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group
    has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
    Homer: [amused] Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't
    committing crimes.
    Kent: [pause] Well, touche.
     
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