10,000 Favorite Quotes from The Simpsons

In honor of my 10,000th post, I figured might as well start a thread about The Simpsons. So start listing your favorite quotes and we'll see what this thread morphs into.

I'll start with the obligatory one, considering my name.


1. On your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help a lot.


And Buck, stay the hell off this thread, you vote-stealing, Simpsons-Seinfeld poll-rigging bastard!!!!

 

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

 

Geez, there's so many!!

Ralph: "My nose makes its own bubble gum!"

 

Homer: "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' "

 

Bart: B-6
Homer: You sunk my scrabbleship!
Lisa: This game makes no sense.
Homer: Tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI!

 

Homer (explaining his operation to the kids): Kids, kids, I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: He sold poisoned milk to school children.

 

Can't someone else do it?

 

Lies make Baby Jesus cry.

 

Homer (when told of the required 5-day waiting period for buying a weapon in the USA):

"Five days!?! But I'm mad now!"

 

Homer: That's right kids. Suckle daddy's sugar ball.

 

Moe, talking about Barney: Can you imagine this tanked-up loser behind the controls of a whirley bird? He'd all like 'Hey, look at me! I'm a tanked-up loser behind the controls of a whirley bird!'

 

Vote Quimby for Mayor. If you were running, he'd vote for you.