Worst Part Of 5th Grade?

I still remember Mr. Atkinson because during 5th grade one day we were working on our assignments and he put on CCR's Cosmo's Factory, he was so cool. Oh yeah, I got into my last real fight, one of the bullies was cheating at a game and I got fed up and went after him. Got bloodied but was never bothered again.

 

5th grade was tremendous for the special tutoring and nude mimeographs of the teacher that I received #earlypoin

 

My fifth-grade teacher had a nervous breakdown. I'd like to say I wasn't part of the cause, but I was.

Me, my best friend, Paul, and Kent were the worst little shits. Tammy wasn't much better.

Paul once pulled his weenie out in class on a dare. I once had to stand in the corner, where I promptly let out a long, toxic fart.

The poor woman looked just like the picture of the witch she put up for Halloween, but she was a nice lady.

I think the end was when she went to smack my desk with her trusty yardstick and it shattered into pieces. The whole class erupted. She was gone soon after.

Replaced by a man. The first male teacher I had. But he was cool ... if you went up and did problems on the chalkboard, he gave you candy bars. Real ones, too, not that miscalled "fun size" shit. Of course, this was 1974-75, when you could buy a bag of them for a dollar.

I do feel bad for Mrs. Page. But she was a tough act to follow. My fourth-grade teacher was my all-time favorite and a real cutie. Had a huge crush on her. Gave me a boner every time she called me up to her desk -- before I even knew what boners were for.

 

Diving off the high dive in swimming class. I never did grasp the blowing out my nose when I went underwater. I was scared shitless every time swimming class came up.

 

I remember 4th grade because it's when I changed schools and Reagan got shot.

I remember 6th grade because it's when I went back to my original school and soon got into a fight with Carlos at the white fence.

I don't remember anything about 5th grade. Not my teacher. Not a single thing I did that year. Weird that an entire year can slip your mind like that.

 

My fifth grade teacher was pregnant and one of my friend's mom was our long-term substitute once she took her leave. Atrocious teacher.

After a couple weeks I finally had the gall to tell my friend that his mom was awful at this. Like didn't know basic historical facts awful. Asked students to explain basic math concepts to her awful.

He just turned to me and said something like, "You think I don't know that?"

I also used the internet for the first time and got my first email account on Gopher with its endless menus thst year.

 

I remember Grade 5 because that's the year the bullying that began in Grade 4 got so bad I begged to be taken out of the school.

 

I'm almost 57, and I still find the whole head underwater thing unnerving.

 

I remember now ... 5th grade is when I sustained a terrible concussion. Was running in the front yard, wet sidewalk, slipped and slammed the back of my head on the pavement. Fucked me good.

Dad didn't seem to care that I was crying and telling him that I can't remember anything and that my head was spinning. That led to puking.

Parents didn't take me to ER for 3-4 days. Kind of says a lot. Explains why I don't remember much of 5th grade.

 

My fifth grade teacher owned about 30 ukuleles and learning to play them was our music class for the entire school year. We put on a concert for the whole middle school at the end of the year, played "Tom Dooley," "North to Alaska," "Sixteen Tons" --- all the hits.

I kinda wish I still remembered how to play.

 

As I am reading this, I imagine a 5th-grade version of Bobby Heenan.