Five fratbros charged in felony hazing incident

Oh, never mind. It was five Division 3 football players.

Eh, fuck it.

Go football!

5 Wheaton College football players face felony charges in hazing incident

 

Thankfully, I never heard of a "root beer kegger" during my college years.

 

Glass table involved?

 

This punishment wasn't enough to satisfy everyone?

The school said it hired a third party to investigate the allegation last year and took "corrective actions," but officials declined to provide details on any punishment, citing federal privacy laws.

Sources told the Tribune that several players were required to perform 50 hours of community service and write an eight-page essay reflecting on their behavior.

 

My wife's second cousin plays baseball at Wheaton, or did. (I think he graduated.)

Her other cousin, the Wheaton kid's sister, went to Dinesh's school in Manhattan.

Hard to understand why Mrs. Whitman's gay brother felt uncomfortable around the mom.

 

I've been on this campus a lot.

It seems incredibly boring, but the kids I've dealt with are unfailingly nice.

That a school like this would roll over for a division 3 football team blows my mind.

That the "long time coach" and administrators knew about this incident almost immediately, and did next to nothing about it, leaves me with only one solution: disband the football program.

 

My wife's two cousins, no shit, are like the two nicest human beings I have ever met in my entire life. Hate fags, I assume. But they are so, so, so nice. Honestly.

 

At one point, the players suggested to the freshman that he had been kidnapped by Muslims who wanted to fornicate with goats, the teen told investigators. They patted his foot and suggested he would be their "goat" for the evening, the records said.

The freshman told investigators that his teammates restrained him with more duct tape during the drive, pulled down his shorts and underwear, then repeatedly tried to insert an object into his rectum. After the freshman yelled at them to stop, he was beaten, he said.

The ass. These paragons of male power always go for the ass.

 

Every time.

 

Ooh! Chris Spielman's son is one of the defendants. That'll juice it up.

 

One is Chris Spielman's son.

 

The dumbest guy in my high school had a Chris Spielman jersey he proudly wore all the time, spelled "S-P-E-I-L-M-A-N."

So perfect.

Got about 100 times more tail than I did, though.