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The Divorce (and SJ Therapy) Thread

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Songbird, May 22, 2016.

  1. Dick Whitman

    Dick Whitman Well-Known Member

    My brother and his wife will occasionally have lunch or a beer with his ex and her current husband.

    I've always thought it's odd, but to each his own.
     
  2. MisterCreosote

    MisterCreosote Well-Known Member

    I got post-divorce buns a few times, but there's no way in hell I'd regularly and voluntarily just hang out with either of them. Even if I was single.
     
    HanSenSE likes this.
  3. doctorquant

    doctorquant Well-Known Member

    My closest friend from my childhood got married for the first time last summer. As he cruised into his 40s, however, he largely had his pick of all the hot young sweeties (now divorced) who had been way out of his/our league when we were in our 20s.

    I, then going on 15/20 years of marriage, asked him to give me a sense of the dating scene at this stage of life. "Doc," he says, "when it starts getting down to business, first chance I get I check out the medicine cabinet. And let me tell you, if I ever see Lithium* in there, I get the hell out!"

    *Apparently commonly prescribed for bi-polar ...
     
  4. qtlaw

    qtlaw Well-Known Member

    One of the greatest gifts my mom gave my sister and me was that she never berated our natural father in front of us and never tried to convince us that he was a dirtbag (and he was.) She left it to us to make our own choices. That made life so much easier for us.

    If nothing else, at least be civil to each other in front of the kids; that's what I think parents owe their kids.
     
  5. FileNotFound

    FileNotFound Well-Known Member

    About 7 years ago, I had to make a choice between the wife and career. I chose the wife. I made the wrong choice.

    We actually divorced fairly amicably, but things got ugly about six months later (right around the time I found myself in the beginnings of a new relationship, natch.) It actually helped me mentally for her to be a shithead to me; it helped make that final break from her and realize that we got divorced for a reason and that the reason was right and valid. We're not at all friends, but we do have respect for the history we have, and we're generally decent toward each other in front of the kids.
     
  6. novelist_wannabe

    novelist_wannabe Well-Known Member

    Both my brothers and one of my brothers-in-law are divorced and remarried. Of course I'm biased, but personally the thought of the ex-wives having horrible things happen to them makes me smile. I've always liked the old joke: Why are divorce lawyers so damn expensive? Because they're worth it.
     
  7. Moderator1

    Moderator1 Moderator Staff Member

    This is true if your kids are young or in their 30s, as mine are now.

    Quick backstory: Jim Valvano used to tell a joke about calling over a ref and asking, "Can you give me a technical for what I'm thinking?" Told no, Valvano responded with, "Good, because I think you suck."

    My 60th birthday (SIXTY!!) two weeks ago was the same day as my daughter's graduation from George Mason. Which meant I had to spend a chunk of the day with the former and her new dude (new being a relative term since he was lurking on the scene while I was still around). It was my daughter's day, not mine, and we all had a great time. I hugged the former, she even gave me a gift for my birthday. Shook hands with her dude (have known him and his former for years), exchanged a few stories, had pleasant conversation, took all the required pictures. Did it all with a smile.

    Afterward, my son and I were riding back to his house and he brought me close to tears by heaping praise on me. Told me he was so proud of me and admired me so much for how I handled all that, given how hard their previous shenanigans were on me. I thanked him and said, "Can you give me a technical foul for what I was thinking?" He laughed so hard we almost wrecked.

    But it really wasn't so bad. It was over, we both knew that. She moved on, seems mostly happy. I've moved on and am in a great place and am mostly happy. I talked to his former not too long after the shit hit the fan in their house. Told her I knew how much it sucked but to trust me on this: You will wake up one day, much sooner than you expect, and say to yourself, "Damn, this is the best thing that could have happened." She called me about a month later and said, "Damn, this is the best thing that could have happened."

    Shit happens. You dust yourself off, move on. And you ALWAYS stay civil around your kids.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2016
  8. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    There is a flip side to that. I wasn't yet in my 40s -- can't remember exactly when this was, but maybe I was mid 30s. I was out one night with this woman and getting grilled by her about why I wasn't married. i.e. -- there HAD to be something wrong with me and she was going to get to the heart of it within hours of being with me. I couldn't get away from her quickly enough.

    I never had any desire to get married. Throughout my 20s and 30s, EVERY woman was on a mission. ... and it was a relationship ender whenever they decided the end game is marriage and the time was NOW. It took me a while, but I finally found the perfect woman for me. We are common law married by now, but as far as the license and the formal ceremony, she has even less desire than I do.
     
    Vombatus and Lugnuts like this.
  9. CD Boogie

    CD Boogie Well-Known Member

    Do you have kids with the common law wife? Because I'm honestly interested in having more kids, but I am not interested in getting married again. Not sure how to broach that topic with the gf, though.
     
  10. Dick Whitman

    Dick Whitman Well-Known Member

    Do you live together?
     
  11. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    Well, she's not really my common law wife. We own homes in two states (we split time between them) -- neither of which I believe recognizes common law marriage -- at least according to what I saw when I once looked out of curiosity. Not that it really matters to either of us. No, we don't have kids. We had a couple of years of opportunity to have kids when we first got serious with each other. We seriously discussed it. ... and decided not to. We held out on the thought that we might adopt kids later on, but now we are both 47, and I seriously doubt that will ever happen. We like our life the way it is too much.
     
  12. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    Yup.
     
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