Suicide

You never know what people are going through. Be there to lend a helping ear during tough times. It makes ALL the difference. It did for me.

 

It's hard to open up about it

 

The approach for local media covering suicides, at least the suicides of young people, seems to have changed significantly since I was a young reporter and even later as an assigning editor.

We always maintained the old 'public person, public place' determination about whether we treated a suicide as news.
Clearly someone stepping off a crowded train platform meets that standard.

However, about a year ago we had a football player take his life around here, and the mid-major a little up the freeway covered it as a news/sports story. This was not a public suicide, and the young man was not a standout player on the football team.
I was really surprised.

When I was still the PIO at the college, we had a young man, a student, take his life, and that was covered by multiple local media outlets.

It is a subject that needs to be discussed and sunshined, in the local and national media and in many other forums; however, I'm still uncomfortable with the treating of a single incident as a news item.

Just showing my age, I guess.

 

Every suicide is a tragedy, but I think we do a disservice -- as a society, not the media per se -- if we sweep it under the rug.

We lose an opportunity to have a conversation, and to destigmatize depression and other mental health issue if we sweep it under the rug.

The conversation that results from one suicide might save someone else's life.

This recent blog post/article pissed me off. It says the subject of the movie "abruptly died" in April. Well, yes, he did. He committed suicide, and it was widely reported. I don't know why you would avoid saying that now:

 

In the last year, lost a friend -- suicide by alcoholism/alcohol poisoning, as the person made it clear they were living out their last days to an addiction they no longer desired to/couldn't stop - and another friend lost his daughter. The latter one was a stunner; she left two kids, no note, finances weren't great but not the worst, plus her parents (my friend + his wife) helped some.

 

Somehow my parents and/or grandparents somehow taught me that whatever my situation is, it can always be worse, so I've always been wired to be an optimist. I've had someone in my extended family attempt suicide (about 30 years ago) and discussed the subject to someone close who had such thoughts and I've always had a very hard time understanding it. I've tried over the years to learn to be empathetic and continue to try better every day but its one of the hardest things to understand. Most importantly, I've tried to condition my boys the same way and pass along to them that they are so fortunate and it can always be worse. I know that's hardly comforting advice when anyone has sunken to those depths but I am only hoping that what my family taught me, can help my boys avoid the depths of despair.

 

A Soldier who was in my company when I commanded in the 101st killed himself the day after Christmas. He was a captain who was about to retire, and the Army was all he knew.

He'd been an instructor pilot for many years, but had gone to school and become a physician's assistant. He was a good Soldier, but a real asshole, and we butted heads many times.

I conducted a monthly urinalysis (as is Army policy) shortly before I came out of command, and his name came up. He called me at about 0900 and told me he'd had an accident. He had been administering a drug to his son, who had leukemia, when a few drops of the liquid pain meds spilled on his thumb. Instead of wiping it off he instinctively licked it off his thumb and was afraid that might show up. Although a fishy story, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I've thought about that decision many times since December 26, wondering if I could've prevented his suicide in that 2-minute phone call.

 

YF, thank you for starting this thread. Suicide, or even depression in general, is one of those "Shhh, don't talk about it out loud" type of subjects. But it needs to be brought out into the open.
However, the last line in the original post has been gnawing at me since I first saw it: "If anyone is ever suicidal, please reach out to someone." I understand what you're saying and I fully trust it wasn't typed in any kind of condescending way at all. Still, it kind of struck me the wrong way and here's why: when you are seriously contemplating suicide, you're not thinking clearly. You don't want help, you just want the pain to go away. Maybe if someone sees you're not fine and gets you help, that would be okay. But you're past the point of reaching out for help on your own.
At least that has been my experience.
Yes, I've considered suicide in the past. There was the 1990-91 school year, eighth grade. I was in a new state, had a real hard time making friends, my brother had left for college and I was miserable. I was (am, and always will be) a Dale Earnhardt fan. If Earnhardt hadn't been kicking butt at that time, I don't know if I would still be here. I was so miserable, watching Earnhardt run well and win titles was just enough to keep me going.
I was depressed again after high school, but not to that extent. Besides, I was looking forward to starting college.
About a year and a half ago, I fell into the suicidal rut again. I found myself looking at various overpasses while driving and imagining which would be the best to jump from. My relationship with my wife wasn't going well, our son was being a pill, finances were tough and I didn't really want to go to work each day. In some ways, the depression was even worse this time around than in eighth grade because now I had a family that depended on me. Plus I've been a Christian since I started college, so there was that pressure as well.
What saved me? I apologize in advance, but I'm going to get a touch preachy. I went to an event called Men's Roundup, a Christian weekend held in Oregon each September. I realized how lost I had become and God drew me closer to Him. I realized I hadn't been spending much time with God or reading the bible and it was showing. Not that things are perfect now or ever will be, since I'm a human after all (and still a journalist), but I'm doing much better and I give God all the credit and glory for that. I started ushering at my church after years of teaching Sunday School with my wife and realized God was calling me to serve in a new way. Last spring God tapped me -- yes, the guy who didn't want to live a few months before -- on the shoulder and called me to restart Men's Ministry at church.
Bottom line: there is hope out there.

 

Very happy to read your story.

Thank you for sharing.

And, I know you're right. When someone is suicidal, they don't want to talk to anyone. So, maybe I should ask people to reach out to friends and loved ones that they know deal with depression. When you don't hear from them might be when they most need to hear from you.

And, they might not answer the phone, but everyone reads their text messages, even when they are isolating, and don't reply.

 

A boys basketball coach at the big private school I used to cover walked into the locker room one morning before school, put a pistol to his head and blew his brains out. He'd been fired a couple of months earlier and I guess he was despondent about his chances of finding another job. I wrote what I thought was a good story about it, but our editor (who lived next door to this coach and his family) spiked it, he said, because he wanted to spare the family's feelings. I think he was just too close to the subject.

I'd like to say suicide is the ultimate selfish act, but I've been there too. I went through a phase where I thought about just driving off the road somewhere. Thankfully, I told my wife, she called my physician and he got me in that day to start treatment for depression, for which I still take medication. I'm glad I went through that, because it helped get our daughter through a rough stretch when she was dealing with bi-polar disorder and basically spent a whole year holed up in her bedroom writing very dark fiction and poetry. She later said the only reason she didn't commit suicide was she knew how devastated I would be (she's a real daddy's girl). She's better now. She recently graduated from college and has a steady boyfriend for the first time, but she still takes medication and is keenly aware of her moods at any given time.