Coming to America. Maybe.

Ladies, really.
Have some pride.
Cead mile failte, Delaney.

 

Pride is for the non-desperate.

And Delaney, darling? If you're hanging out with Landon, I'm completely tagging along.

 

Swear to God, I read "tagging" as "teabagging."

Delaney, go to Australia if you want sunshine, beaches, a really good New Year's Eve party, and drunk sex with women whose faces look like well-worn baseball gloves.

What do you call a good looking woman in Australia? A tourist.

Seriously, Tollund Man has better skin.

 

Tollund Man? Australian women?

 

I wouldn't kick Nicole Kidman out of bed in the morning

 

Dear Forum: I never thought anything like this would happen to me. One night in the dorm, while I was studying for a sociology final, a soccer star, an immigrant, and a woman in cool shoes showed up. They said...

 

Yay! In Fenian's Penthouse dreams, I'm wearing cool shoes!

 

Be sure to check out the University of the United States.

 

Delaney, I'm not trying too influence your decision too much or anything, but I can assure you that your accent will get you major ass in any part of the U.S.

 

Perhaps you can look into a job with the Australian Chamber of Commerce, now that Jones no longer has one.

(As an aside, man, people spit in baseball gloves, don't they?)