Track feature

Feedback, as always, is appreciated. Thanks for the constructive words, everyone. (And, no, I don't like the ending, either.)

Sean

By Sean Smyth

PLAINFIELD — They are accidental stars.

Such as the guy who meanders onto a movie set and becomes a Hollywood sensation. Or that fan who makes a great over-the-wall grab and nets a minor-league contract, only to become a home-run hitter.

Is either scenario likely? No.

Neither is the dumb-luck scenario that happened to Aaron and Chad Nadeau.

It’s not dumb-luck in that they’re lucky, not good; far from it. These kids are athletes.

But the 17-year-old identical twins, now recognized among the top throwers in the region, just happened to walk into the weight room at Plainfield High School one day, barely a year ago after transferring from Ellis Tech, and that’s where this story begins.

A state championship — Chad won the shot put indoors this winter — and a bunch of strong performances later, the brothers are poised to reach even greater heights.

“They are both Division-I caliber kids,” said Plainfield boys track coach Jeff Parkinson, who competed in the decathlon at UConn and knows what it takes to succeed as a college thrower.

One of the reasons the Nadeaus have been so successful so quickly is their receptiveness to coaching, Parkinson said.

“A lot of kids stare at you when you tell them what to do,” he said. “You can tell they’re genuinely trying to understand what you’re telling them to do. They put in the hours every day.”

That’s a long way from where the Nadeaus started.

“Their technique was disgusting,” Parkinson said of the Nadeaus’ early days tossing the shot.

But they threw it far.

Those early days in the weight room, where the Nadeaus crossed paths with track athletes, provided a chance meeting with Ben Bowne, Plainfield’s girls track coach who works with Parkinson.

“We came after school one day,” Aaron said, “and (friend Kyle Dugas) told us to throw this.”

He handed the brothers the shot.

“I had no idea what it was,” Chad said.

He threw it — 35 feet.

“I thought it was an awful throw,” Chad said.

Novice shot-putters might get a good three- or five-foot toss in.

That was the beginning.

By the end of the season, Chad placed third in the shot put at the Class S meet.

Not bad for two guys who intended to take their sophomore year off from baseball, then return to the sport this spring.

The brothers continued to develop. By the end of the winter, Chad had a state championship under his belt.

They’ve benefited from having each other around to serve as a motivating tool.

In Thursday’s season-opening meet against Windham and Waterford, Aaron won the battle in the shot, putting it 49 feet, 91⁄2 inches.

Chad took the title in the discus.

“I just beat him Thursday in the shot put,” Aaron said.

“He’ll win these small meets, I’ll win the invitational meets,” Chad quipped.

Asked Aaron: “Who qualified for New Englands” in the shot put last year?

“It keeps us pushing,” Chad said.

As does their “not bad; not good, though,” performance at the indoor nationals in New York earlier this year. Chad finished 14th and Aaron took 16th in the shot put in a 43-athlete field.

Despite the accomplishments, the Nadeaus remain humble.

And they enjoy the camaradere.

“It took hard work to get to where we are now,” Aaron said, “but now that we’re real good, it’s really easy.”

Or, as Chad put it: “I’m getting recognized for throwing heavy objects, the way I see it.”

Not bad, considering from where they’ve come.

 

Sean -- You have some good material to work with.

I think you have to have specifics in a track story. What are their PRs? Also, what year are they? I gather from context they're juniors? You need to make that clear.

At New York, they didn't even throw 50 feet, despite placing in the top 15. You make them sound like studs and the quote from this Parkinson says they're D-1 throwers, but throws of 48 and 49 feet in HS track are pedestrian. I assume they've thrown at least in the mid-50s? There are high school kids throwing in the mid-60s this year. Certainly nobody is going to have success with the 16-pound ball in college who's only throwing 48 feet with the 12-pound HS shot.

I think the lead is a little far-fetched. Kids trying a new sport in high school and having success quickly are not rare or even unusual. How about a quote from Kyle Dugas talking about how quickly they improved after he suggested they come out for track? I might lead with the little back and forth about how one kid wins little meets but the other one wins the big ones. What's their record against each other? I think the head-to-head between twins might be the most interesting thing going here.

And not sure if it's a typo, but my grandmother could throw a shot put 12 feet. Nobody would throw three to five feet. First time I threw the shot in 9th grade I threw 27 feet i think. Three to five feet is kind of silly.

 

I tripped over that sentence the first time I read it. I get what you're going for, but it's a very awkward structure.

Also, it seems like every sentence is a new paragraph. I know this isn't magazine writing, but lumping a few sentences into the same graf isn't going to kill you.

I also agree with Stone Cane on the three- to five-foot shot put toss. If you held the shot at your neck and just dropped it, it would probably go three to five feet.

 

Sean – My edits are in all caps, with notes at the end.


PLAINFIELD — They are accidental stars. (GOOD. BUT “STARS” IS, IN TERMS OF HIGH SCHOOLERS, TOO MUCH. LEW ALCINDOR, LEBRON JAMES, YES. TWO KIDS “AMONG THE TOP THROWERS IN THE REGION”? NO. JUST NEED A DIFFERENT WORD OR PHRASE: “SUCCESS STORIES,” SOMETHING LIKE THAT.)

Such as the guy who meanders onto a movie set and becomes a Hollywood sensation. Or that fan who makes a great over-the-wall grab and nets a minor-league contract, only to become a home-run hitter. (PICK ONE OF THESE TWO – I LIKE THE FIRST ONE BETTER – AND GO. I WANT TO MEET THE KIDS ALREADY.)

Is either scenario likely? No.

Neither is the dumb-luck scenario (REPETITIVE) that happened to Aaron and Chad Nadeau. (BUMP THIS UP TO MAKE THESE TWO GRAFS INTO ONE.)

It’s not dumb-luck in that they’re lucky, not good; far from it. These kids are athletes.

But the 17-year-old identical twins, now recognized among the top throwers in the region, just happened to walk into the weight room at Plainfield High School one day, barely a year ago after transferring from Ellis Tech, and that’s where this story begins.

A state championship — Chad won the shot put indoors this winter — and a bunch of strong performances later, the brothers are poised to reach even greater heights.

“They are both Division-I caliber kids,” said Plainfield boys track coach Jeff Parkinson, who competed in the decathlon at UConn and knows what it takes to succeed as a college thrower. (“AND KNOWS WHAT…” IS SUPERFLUOUS – IF HE COMPETED AT THAT LEVEL, WE’LL ACCEPT HIS JUDGMENT.)

One of the reasons the Nadeaus have been so successful so quickly is their receptiveness to coaching, Parkinson said.

“A lot of kids stare at you when you tell them what to do,” he said. (GREAT QUOTE.) “You can tell they’re genuinely trying to understand what you’re telling them to do. They put in the hours every day.” (PUT IN THE HOURS, THOUGH, IS CLICHÉ – HOW MANY HOURS? CAN YOU GIVE A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF A TECHNIQUE OR DRILL THAT THEY TOOK TO?)

That’s a long way from where the Nadeaus started.

“Their technique was disgusting,” Parkinson said of the Nadeaus’ early days tossing the shot.

But they threw it far.

Those early days in the weight room, where the Nadeaus crossed paths with track athletes, provided a chance meeting with Ben Bowne, Plainfield’s girls track coach who works with Parkinson.

“We came after school one day,” Aaron said, “and (friend Kyle Dugas) told us to throw this.”

He handed the brothers the shot.

“I had no idea what it was,” Chad said.

He threw it — 35 feet. (SEEMS LIKE A GOOD NUMBER, BUT THIS MEANS LITTLE TO A NON-SHOT-PUT ENTHUSIAST, WHICH IS ALMOST EVERYONE. NEEDS CONTEXT.)

“I thought it was an awful throw,” Chad said.

Novice shot-putters might get a good three- or five-foot toss in. (I CAN ONLY ASSUME THIS IS A MISTAKE. I’M NO SHOTPUTTER, BUT I THINK I COULD GET THE THING AT LEAST 15-20 FEET.)

That was the beginning.

By the end of the season, Chad placed third in the shot put at the Class S meet. (WITH A THROW OF…)

Not bad for two guys who intended to take their sophomore year off from baseball, then return to the sport this spring. (“FOR TWO GUYS” INCLUDES THEM BOTH – WHAT DID AARON DO DURING THAT SEASON? SHOW THEM BOTH IMPROVING.)

The brothers continued to develop. By the end of the winter, Chad had a state championship under his belt. (YOU’VE GLOSSED-OVER HIS CAREER HIGHLIGHT. PUT ME AT THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP.)

They’ve benefited from having each other around to serve as a motivating tool. (VAGUE. AGAIN, SHOW ME.)

In Thursday’s season-opening meet against Windham and Waterford, Aaron won the battle in the shot, putting it 49 feet, 91⁄2 inches. (HOW MUCH DID HE WIN BY?)

Chad took the title in the discus.

“I just beat him Thursday in the shot put,” Aaron said.

“He’ll win these small meets, I’ll win the invitational meets,” Chad quipped.

Asked Aaron: “Who qualified for New Englands” in the shot put last year? (UNCLEAR)

“It keeps us pushing,” Chad said.

As does their “not bad; not good, though,” performance at the indoor nationals in New York earlier this year. Chad finished 14th and Aaron took 16th in the shot put in a 43-athlete field.

Despite the accomplishments, the Nadeaus remain humble.

And they enjoy the camaradere. (CAMARADERIE)

“It took hard work to get to where we are now,” Aaron said, “but now that we’re real good, it’s really easy.” (THIS QUOTE DOESN’T SUPPORT THE PREVIOUS LINE, AND, TO BE QUITE HONEST, SEEMS TO CONTRADICT THE “HUMBLE” IDEA.)

Or, as Chad put it: “I’m getting recognized for throwing heavy objects, the way I see it.” (THIS, THOUGH, SEEMS HUMBLE.)

Not bad, considering from where they’ve come.



Sean-

Good story. It’s not easy to try to do a two-person feature in a daily, because you ultimately end up telling half of one guy’s story and half of the other.

My best advice, especially when dealing with siblings, is just to hang out with them for a little while. Don’t just ask your questions, but watch them interact at practice. One quick graf showing them making fun of each other, or using each other as motivation gives us a good idea of who they are.

Other scenes – which are vital in features – I’d like to see are: the coaches’ reaction when they realized these two could really throw and had no idea how to do it, the kids’ learning how to do it right, listening to their coaches’ instructions rather than just staring at him. And some physical description would help, though I assume this ran with a picture. (Given that they’re identical, I suppose you only have to describe one.)

Finally, there’s that: in a feature, don’t be afraid to get a little personal. Twins have a reputation as having some odd sort of bond, while not all siblings get along. What exactly is the relationship between these two? Are they also best friends? When one of them does well or poorly, does the other one feel something that he would not feel for another teammate or even a close friend?

Also, on a smaller note, at 17 I assume these guys are either juniors or seniors, and though you spell out there good chances of going to a big-time college, there’s not much mention of the future. In high school stories, you always want to get that in there: where is this going? Are they done when they graduate? Or did they stumble onto something larger?

All in all, as I said, this was good. By the way, if you admittedly “don’t like the ending,” don’t worry about telling that to your editor and asking him to work through it with you. Unless he’s dense, he WANTS good copy in the paper, and should be more than happy to offer advice.

Thanks for posting. Hope this helps.

 

Mr Smyth,

Why not show them putting the shot for the first time as your lede? That one seems sorta obvious. Most interesting bit, surprising, funny. Shot put = fat men dancing. (A track conceit, I'll admit.) That they are accidental stars might not be entirely accurate as some have pointed out, but the designation is the storyline, not the lead. Put them in action, then explain what they are.

YD&OHS, etc