Topic: Evaluate me

[hoosier122]

This is an intro topic and request to have my writing evaluated. Please don't hold back. While my title says sports editor, I actually do it all - photography, writing and pagination.

All articles by "Chris Johannes" and Staff were written by me. I'll post my previous job experience (or lack thereof) and education when I attempt to defend it.

Don't hold back. Rip into it.

Click on 'Sports' http://www.spencercountyjournal.com

Here was my lead story from this week to simplify things:

REO - South Spencer shut out Gibson Southern in the second half to earn its first football victory of the season 27-9 Friday.

The Rebels, 1-1, dominated the 0-2 Titans defensively with two interceptions, a forced fumble and four sacks. The defense held strong, as it stopped Gibson Southern on 10 of 11 third downs. In all South Spencer’s defense allowed just 3.0 yards per play. When forced to punt the Titans averaged 22.0 yards on three punts.

Rebel Coach Jason Fischer, "I expected them (Gibson Southern) to try to establish the run. Their running back, Matt Brown, had 1,000 yards last year. Our run defense was a little better this week than against North Posey."

Brown had 19 carries for 58 yards.

The Rebel offense was explosive, gaining 237 yards on 49 plays. Gibson Southern actually led in time of possession, but the Rebels countered with runs of 38, 14, 12 and 11 yards, and passes of 33, 23 and 21 yards - all were Zeke Harmon to Jared Lauer hookups. Lauer led all receivers with six catches for 101 yards and a touchdown. Harmon completed 8 of 17 passes for 107 yards.

"Our offense looked a lot better," said Fischer. "We seemed more familiar with it.

"We were a little worried, because Jared’s back has been bothering him, but he played well."

Gibson Southern scored first on a 32-yard field goal by Brody DeWeese with 5:25 left in the first quarter after a 10-play drive.

South Spencer answered seven plays later when Harmon scored on a 38 yard sneak on a fourth-down-and-one situation with 1:50 left in the first quarter. It was set up by a 33-yard Lauer catch. Cole Woodburn kicked the extra point. Harmon intercepted Jordan Scheller two series later and scored five plays later on a 14-yard option run. He led all rushers with 65 yards on nine carries.

"I really look to run, when passing plays break down," said Harmon. "I’m not going to take losses on plays. If I’m going to get tackled I might as well pick up some yards for us."

Harmon added his third touchdown of the game on a 16-yard pass to Lauer with 3:47 left in the half.

Facing fourth-and-goal, Scheller scrambled into the end zone from 9 yards out with 13.7 seconds left in the half to make the score 21-9.

The Rebels’ only score in the second half came when junior running back Denver Burden scored from 11 yards with 6:55 left in the third quarter. Burden set up his touchdown by falling on a muffed punt on Gibson Southern’s 18-yard line.

The Titans threatened on their next possession as they drove to the South Spencer 11-yard line, but Scheller was intercepted on fourth down by linebacker Jordan Meece.

The win was Fischer’s first as a varsity football coach. "It’s indescribable," he said. "It’s better than I thought it would be. It may sound a little strange, but other than the births of my sons and marrying my wife, this is probably one the best days of my life."

South Spencer improved to 1-1 overall and in the PAC, while Gibson Southern dropped to 0-2 in the PAC.

The Rebels will play at 0-2 Tell City 7 p.m. Friday. All-PAC Tell City running back Trent Gunn did not play in the Marksmen’s loss to Heritage Hills Friday.

"We've heard he (Gunn) is going to be back against us," Fischer said. "He went out of the game early against Mount Vernon and I really think they are a different team with him in the lineup.

"With the way our run defense has played - he’ll keep us busy."

[Sports_Scribe]

I'd move this to the "Writer's Workshop" thread.

One thing I noticed with the football article was that you didn't mention where the game took place. In your nutgraf, just throw in the stadium name or just say "... at (Team Name)." Not a big thing, but it'll help your article somewhat.

[hoosier122]

I'd move this to the "Writer's Workshop" thread.

One thing I noticed with the football article was that you didn't mention where the game took place. In your nutgraf, just throw in the stadium name or just say "... at (Team Name)." Not a big thing, but it'll help your article somewhat.

As I said only stories with the byline of "Chris Johannes" were written by me. "Heritage Hills routs Tell City Friday" was written by our managing sports editor, who is also sports editor for the paper that covers Tell City. All other stories in the sports section were written by me.

Most of the stadiums are rural football fields and don't have names for fields or stadiums, but I see what you mean. Even though 'LINCOLN CITY' is the dateline you, as an outsider, don't know if that's Heritage Hills, Tell City or a neutral team's football field.

Thanks for the feedback. If this is moved to the proper field, hopefully I get lots of suggestions.

We are owned by Landmark Community Newspapers Incorporated. What are opinions of it?

[Sports_Scribe]

I'd move this to the "Writer's Workshop" thread.

One thing I noticed with the football article was that you didn't mention where the game took place. In your nutgraf, just throw in the stadium name or just say "... at (Team Name)." Not a big thing, but it'll help your article somewhat.

As I said only stories with the byline of "Chris Johannes" were written by me. "Heritage Hills routs Tell City Friday" was written by our managing sports editor, who is also sports editor for the paper that covers Tell City. All other stories in the sports section were written by me.

Most of the stadiums are rural football fields and don't have names for fields or stadiums, but I see what you mean. Even though 'LINCOLN CITY' is the dateline you, as an outsider, don't know if that's Heritage Hills, Tell City or a neutral team's football field.

Thanks for the feedback. If this is moved to the proper field, hopefully I get lots of suggestions.

We are owned by Landmark Community Newspapers Incorporated. What are opinions of it?

Sorry 'bout that. I read the article quickly and didn't catch the byline part.

[93Devil]

I always liked to use the lead to tell a small story or paint for the reader the story the game told.

For example...

When preparing for Gibson Southern, South Spencer head coach Jason Fischer was worried about his team's ability to control the Titan offense.

Turns out, it should have been the other way around.

Nut

Quote about the 1,000 yard runner

Scoring

Quote about last week's lost and how they were better this week.

scoring

Quotes

You have good quotes and a lot of good facts about the game, but I always liked to think I was entertaining the reader along with delivering the facts. A good story, I think, is a mix of the two.

I would also get a quote from a player or two.

[Ace]

My thoughts on the South Spencer-Gibson Southern gamer:

Your lede is South Spencer shutting out Gibson Southern in the second half to win 27-9 but I don't know if that was the key to victory or you trying to illustrate the defensive dominance.

Your second graf has some good examples but then instead of backing it up with a quote to hammer that home, the quote by Fischer was blah.

In fact, here are your fist two quotes by him:

     "I expected them (Gibson Southern) to try to establish the run. Their running back, Matt Brown, had 1,000 yards last year. Our run defense was a little better this week than against North Posey."

    "Our offense looked a lot better," said Fischer. "We seemed more familiar with it.

     "We were a little worried, because Jared’s back has been bothering him, but he played well."

Those are pretty vanilla and don't really help you get a sense of the game.

Then here is your next-to-last quote from Fischer on it being his first victory:

     "It’s indescribable," he said. "It’s better than I thought it would be. It may sound a little strange, but other than the births of my sons and marrying my wife, this is probably one the best days of my life."

I would have run with that, built the lede around that. The game wasn't really close so, go lighter on the play-by-play and heavier on reaction to giving the coach his first W.

[Boom_70]

This would be a good business model for The Deseret News now trying to do things on the cheap. They could have SJ do their editing for free.

[93Devil]

My thoughts on the South Spencer-Gibson Southern gamer:

Your lede is South Spencer shutting out Gibson Southern in the second half to win 27-9 but I don't know if that was the key to victory or you trying to illustrate the defensive dominance.

Your second graf has some good examples but then instead of backing it up with a quote to hammer that home, the quote by Fischer was blah.

In fact, here are your fist two quotes by him:

     "I expected them (Gibson Southern) to try to establish the run. Their running back, Matt Brown, had 1,000 yards last year. Our run defense was a little better this week than against North Posey."

    "Our offense looked a lot better," said Fischer. "We seemed more familiar with it.

     "We were a little worried, because Jared’s back has been bothering him, but he played well."

Those are pretty vanilla and don't really help you get a sense of the game.

Then here is your next-to-last quote from Fischer on it being his first victory:

     "It’s indescribable," he said. "It’s better than I thought it would be. It may sound a little strange, but other than the births of my sons and marrying my wife, this is probably one the best days of my life."

I would have run with that, built the lede around that. The game wasn't really close so, go lighter on the play-by-play and heavier on reaction to giving the coach his first W.

You know, I did not even get to the end of the story (that should say something). That quote was too deep about his first win/kids, you gotta throw that up top.

[hoosier122]

My thoughts on the South Spencer-Gibson Southern gamer:

Your lede is South Spencer shutting out Gibson Southern in the second half to win 27-9 but I don't know if that was the key to victory or you trying to illustrate the defensive dominance.

Your second graf has some good examples but then instead of backing it up with a quote to hammer that home, the quote by Fischer was blah.

In fact, here are your fist two quotes by him:

     "I expected them (Gibson Southern) to try to establish the run. Their running back, Matt Brown, had 1,000 yards last year. Our run defense was a little better this week than against North Posey."

    "Our offense looked a lot better," said Fischer. "We seemed more familiar with it.

     "We were a little worried, because Jared’s back has been bothering him, but he played well."

Those are pretty vanilla and don't really help you get a sense of the game.

Then here is your next-to-last quote from Fischer on it being his first victory:

     "It’s indescribable," he said. "It’s better than I thought it would be. It may sound a little strange, but other than the births of my sons and marrying my wife, this is probably one the best days of my life."

I would have run with that, built the lede around that. The game wasn't really close so, go lighter on the play-by-play and heavier on reaction to giving the coach his first W.

You know, I did not even get to the end of the story (that should say something). That quote was too deep about his first win/kids, you gotta throw that up top.

I think it's hilarious that everyone is saying I should of had more player quotes and details about his first win. I had both, but they were edited out by my managing sports editor.

Here was my first version

REO—South Spencer shut out Gibson Southern in the second half to earn its first football victory of the season 27-9 Friday.
The Rebels, 1-1, dominated the 0-2 Titans defensively with two interceptions, a forced fumble and four sacks. The  defense held strong, as it stopped Gibson Southern on 10 of 11 third downs. In all South Spencer's defense allowed just 3.0 yards per play. When forced to punt the Titans averaged just 22.0 yards on three punts.
Rebel Coach Jason Fischer, “I expected them (Gibson Southern) to try to establish the run. Their running back, Matt Brown, had 1,000 yards last year. Our run defense was a little better this week than against North Posey.”
Brown had 19 carries for 58 yards.
The Rebel offense was explosive. It gained 237 yards on 49 plays — or 4.8 yards per play. Gibson Southern actually led in time-of-possession, but the Rebels countered with runs of 38, 14, 12 and 11 yards, and passes of 33, 23 and 21 yards — all were Zeke Harmon to Jared Lauer hookups. Lauer led all receivers with six receptions for 101 yards and a touchdown. Harmon was 8 of 17 with 107 yards.
“Our offense looked a lot better,” said Fischer. “We seemed more familiar with it.
“We were a little worried, because Jared's back has been bothering him, but he played well.”
Gibson Southern scored first after the Rebels went three and out on their first possession. Titan kicker Brody DeWeese made a 32-yard field goal with 5:25 left in the first quarter after a 10-play drive that took 5:35.
South Spencer answered seven plays later after Harmon scored via a 38 yard sneak in a fourth-down-and-one situation with 1:50 left in the first quarter. Cole Woodburn kicked the extra point. It was set up by a 33-yard Lauer catch.
Harmon intercepted Gibson Southern quarterback Jordan Scheller two series later and scored five players later on an 14-yard option-keeper with 7:12 left in the first half. He led all rushers with 65 yards on 9 carries.
“I really look to run, when passing plays break down,” said the veteran signal-caller Harmon. “I'm not going to take losses on plays. If I'm going to get tackled I might as well pick up some yards for us.”
Harmon added his third touchdown of the game on a 16-yard pass to Lauer with 3:47 left in the half.
Facing fourth-and-goal, Scheller scrambled into the end zone from nine yards out with 13.7 seconds left in the half to make the score 21-9. After the Titans were assessed a five-yard offsides penalty they missed the extra-point kick. It was the only Titan touchdown in the game.
The Rebels only score in the second half came when junior running back, Denver Burden, scored from 11 yards with 6:55 left in the third quarter. Burden set up his touchdown by falling on a muffed punt on Gibson Southern's 18-yard line.
The Titans threatened on their next possession as they drove to the South Spencer 11-yard line, but Scheller was intercepted on fourth down by linebacker Jordan Meece, who returned it to the Rebels' 42-yard line.
Gibson Southern stalled on its last drive and turned the football over on downs with 8:22 left in the game and South Spencer ran out the clock with an 11-play drive.
The win was Fischer's first as a varsity football coach. He said about the win, “It's indescribable. It's better than I thought it would be. It may sound a little strange, but other than the births of my sons and marrying my wife, this is probably on the best days of my life.”
Burden said, “It means a lot to see coach get his first win. He motivates us.”
When asked if Harmon thought the win might soften Fischer's practices Harmon said, “I don't know about that.
“It's just good for the program to see him get his first win. Coach Fischer played here, so it means a lot.”
South Spencer improved to 1-1 overall and in the PAC, while Gibson Southern dropped to 0-2 in the PAC. The Rebels play at 0-2 Tell City 7 p.m. Friday.
All-PAC Tell City running back, Trent Gunn, did not play in the Marksmen's loss to Heritage Hills Friday.
“We've heard he (Gunn) is going to be back against us,” Fischer said. “He went out of the game early against Mount Vernon and I really think they (Tell City) is a different team with him in the lineup.
“With the way our run defense has played—he'll keep us busy.”

South Spencer 27, Gibson Southern 9
Statistics
   GS   SS
First downs   11   11
Rushes-yards   30-75   32-130
Yards passing   87   107
Plays-yards   54-162   49-237
Passes   8-24-2   8-17-0
Fumbles-lost   2-1   0-0
Penalties-yards   3-15   3-21
Punts-average   3-22.0   5-32.8

Gibson Southern   3    6    0    0   9
South Spencer   7   14   6   0   27
GS-DeWeese 32 field goal.
SS-Harmon 38 run (Woodburn kick).
SS-Harmon 14 run (Woodburn kick).
SS-Lauer 17 pass from Harmon (Woodburn kick).
GS-Scheller 9 run (kick failed).
SS-Burden 11 run (kick blocked).

[Ace]

hose,

You are not going to make friends coming on here asking for input then blaming your editors.

You had quotes, sure, but you buried the very best one.

[93Devil]

Hoosier, your first three inches need to make the reader want to read more. Not everyone gives two shits about these teams. You got to make the ones who do not give two shits, give two shits.

Have your lead make the reader ask questions to themselves that they will find in your story. Why was it the other way around?


A quick hook...
When people talk about the special days of their lives, they almost always include days with their family family.

High school football coaches include another important day - their first win.

[Stitch]

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

[hoosier122]

hose,

You are not going to make friends coming on here asking for input then blaming your editors.

You had quotes, sure, but you buried the very best one.

It's hoosier. Fair enough. I just wanted to show I did have player quotes, but you're right - I buried them. I tend to over write, so I shouldn't blame an editor when things get cut.

93, I appreciate the advice on the lead. I'll be covering another game tonight, the outcome will likely be at least 63-0. Any advice on making stories out of blowouts?

I don't want my game stories to be a regurgitation of stats or a play-by-play. I often have a hard time trying to structure interviews around a possible story immediately after the game. When I get back to the office and write I realize, "Why didn't I ask X, Y and Z."

I took exactly one writing class in college at IU (a required composition class). I've been in this job since last Nov. This was the second football game story I wrote. I'm learning as I go. Thanks for the criticism.

[Stitch]

hose,

You are not going to make friends coming on here asking for input then blaming your editors.

You had quotes, sure, but you buried the very best one.

It's hoosier. Fair enough. I just wanted to show I did have player quotes, but you're right - I buried them. I tend to over write, so I shouldn't blame an editor when things get cut.

93, I appreciate the advice on the lead. I'll be covering another game tonight, the outcome will likely be at least 63-0. Any advice on making stories out of blowouts?

I don't want my game stories to be a regurgitation of stats or a play-by-play. I often have a hard time trying to structure interviews around a possible story immediately after the game. When I get back to the office and write I realize, "Why didn't I ask X, Y and Z."

I took exactly one writing class in college at IU (a required composition class). I've been in this job since last Nov. This was the second football game story I wrote. I'm learning as I go. Thanks for the criticism.

So many unemployed newspaper writers and a paper hires someone without much writing experience. No wonder I'm bitter.

[hoosier122]

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

I tend to over write. It's something I'm working on.

Yes, I clearly forgot to put a verb, such as "said" when introducing the quote.

Capitalization of Coach is the paper's style. Also, my ME prefers to have the speech tag at the start of the first quote. I assume so the reader knows immediately who is speaking.

Thanks for the comments.

[Stitch]

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

I tend to over write. It's something I'm working on.

Yes, I clearly forgot to put a verb, such as "said" when introducing the quote.

Capitalization of Coach is the paper's style. Also, my ME prefers to have the speech tag at the start of the first quote. I assume so the reader knows immediately who is speaking.

Thanks for the comments.

Your ME doesn't know how to write.

[hoosier122]

hose,

You are not going to make friends coming on here asking for input then blaming your editors.

You had quotes, sure, but you buried the very best one.

It's hoosier. Fair enough. I just wanted to show I did have player quotes, but you're right - I buried them. I tend to over write, so I shouldn't blame an editor when things get cut.

93, I appreciate the advice on the lead. I'll be covering another game tonight, the outcome will likely be at least 63-0. Any advice on making stories out of blowouts?

I don't want my game stories to be a regurgitation of stats or a play-by-play. I often have a hard time trying to structure interviews around a possible story immediately after the game. When I get back to the office and write I realize, "Why didn't I ask X, Y and Z."

I took exactly one writing class in college at IU (a required composition class). I've been in this job since last Nov. This was the second football game story I wrote. I'm learning as I go. Thanks for the criticism.

So many unemployed newspaper writers and a paper hires someone without much writing experience. No wonder I'm bitter.

I believe I was the only person who applied. It was posted nationally, because that is LCNI's policy.

I don't feel guilty for it. We all have to start somewhere. I recognize the publisher took a risk with me. I really had to rebuild bridges between coaches and the paper. I think the athletics directors and coaches have appreciated that.

You certainly have a right to be bitter, but not at me. I'm just another tax-paying Joe, who is still learning.

LCNI posts all its job openings online here: http://www.lcni.com/jobs/index.php

It looks like there are some sports jobs.

[hoosier122]

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

Your first version is over 800 words, not including the box score. For a gamer, 500 is about the limit. The ME did you a favor by cutting it.

BTW, I tuned out after the first three 'grafs.

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

I noticed the first quote wasn't introduced properly. I'm amazed at how writers can't put the attribution in the right place, or have any at all. There is no reason why the first speech tag should be at the beginning of that graf.

Why is Coach capitalized? Is that the paper's style?

I tend to over write. It's something I'm working on.

Yes, I clearly forgot to put a verb, such as "said" when introducing the quote.

Capitalization of Coach is the paper's style. Also, my ME prefers to have the speech tag at the start of the first quote. I assume so the reader knows immediately who is speaking.

Thanks for the comments.

Your ME doesn't know how to write.

He holds the keys for me though. At this point in my career, it's not my place to judge someone who has been a SE for 25-plus years. He makes his readers happy. That is more than a lot of other local SEs are doing. Obviously you can figure out who he is by looking at the story he wrote.

If you want you can send me a PM and I'll give you the URL for his paper, although if your google-fu is at least level one you can probably find it. I'll hopefully learn some good habits from him along the way. I'm sure it's not easy dealing with an idiot like me.

[Stitch]

Why ask for an evaluation when you blame him for how some reacted to your article? You're not learning much from him if you've worked there for almost a year and making mistakes in gamers that should be corrected by now. Whether it's football, basketball or baseball, the same fundamentals apply to a gamer.

[hoosier122]

Why ask for an evaluation when you blame him for how some reacted to your article? You're not learning much from him if you've worked there for almost a year and making mistakes in gamers that should be corrected by now. Whether it's football, basketball or baseball, the same fundamentals apply to a gamer.

I didn't blame anyone. I recognized I should have made the coach's first win more prominent, had the win higher in the story with the players quotes and shortened it. Most of those things are recommendations I've never heard.

Someone asked about why the quote intro was first and Coach was capitalized. I said that's the style my paper and ME want them.

Please define fundamental mistakes. All the information is in the story. Style could be improved. That is why I'm here and listening.

[Ace]

hoosier,

You say you are working on not over writing, and you really need to focus on that. More numbers, quotes, information doesn't necessarily make a story better. It may just bore the reader.

To may numbers and stats can just cause people to lose interest. You need to use them wisely.

You should focus each story. Find an angle, quote, play, star, goat, turning point, whatever, that makes this particular game interesting and different form the millions of other high school games ever played.

In your possible 63-0 game, the angle might be the third-string lineman who never gets to play but played the fourth quarter and made his first tackle.

And my other general advice if you ever write the story and don't leave something out that hurts to cut, your story is not any good. That means you didn't have enough to begin with or you weren't focused enough.

[Hank_Scorpio]

I think it's hilarious that everyone is saying I should of had more player quotes and details about his first win. I had both, but they were edited out by my managing sports editor.

Also remember proper grammar, it's not should of. It's should've, which is the contraction for should have.

You may already know this and it just slipped in the post.



As far as getting better stories at games, sometimes it's as easy as just doing your homework. Know some of the back story of the team and things can pop at the game. Read previews of the game (if you didn't write it).

And as the game goes on, just keep it in the back of your mind.

Or as you're writing pbp/stats, take note of certain possible big plays. Was there a 99-yard TD run? A little used fullback goes for three scores, which matches his previous total for three years combined?

Keep your eyes and ears open and it can help you find some nuggets you can expand into a lede or story.

[Boom_70]

Chat up some MILTF's roaming the sidelines for some good insight to team.

[JPsT]

Chat up some MILTF's roaming the sidelines for some good insight to team.

I believe AP style is MILF.

He searched for MILFs at the game. He was thwarted by a MILF's son. He enjoys MILFs' features.