1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Help with column

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by CYowSMR, Jun 24, 2010.

  1. ringer

    ringer Active Member

    A column on this topic should be persuasive, so your arguments should be stronger than:

    "Pendleton has a lot to offer the club in a coaching aspect"
    "Yost has a lot of years under his belt "
    "As far as loyalty goes, Glenn Hubbard is a great choice...

    If you have to limit the choices to three in order to have more room to bolster your analysis of each, I think it would help.

    Also, you should have an opinion. That's what columnists do. They take a stance. So make the leap and pick one of these guys in your kicker, rather than end with a shrug (i.e. "Whomever the Braves choose to succeed Cox, the cleats he leaves behind will be mighty hard to fill.")

    That said, it was well organized.
     
  2. CYowSMR

    CYowSMR Member

    Thanks a bunch. I may cut the list and remove Hubbard, Valentine and Yost. Those are now the unlikeliest of candidates. I will try to pull a "winner" and then give two other choices I wouldn't mind, but still have a clear pick from me.
     
  3. CYowSMR

    CYowSMR Member

    Y'all have been extremely helpful, and this could be my best Braves column yet. (It's only my second.)

    Here is the revised and, hopefully, better edition.

    Who’s gonna fill his cleats? It's Brundage for me
    By Chris Yow
    cyow@sandmountainreporter.com

    2,100 wins, 14 division titles, five pennants and a World Championship are what Bobby Cox has given to the Atlanta Braves baseball club.
    Not bad for a former New York Yankee.
    There are a few people, however, who do not think Cox has been a great manager due to having a spectacular pitching staff throughout the 1990s, yet winning just the one World Series.
    Nonetheless, Cox is retiring following the 2010 season, and will likely be remembered by many Braves’ fans as the man who took them to the top.
    With the fourth most wins as a manager in Major League Baseball history, Cox will certainly be enshrined into Cooperstown.
    But the person who follows Cox will need to be energetic and ready to step into a team building on the successes of Cox, and that man is Dave Brundage.
    Brundage is currently the manager just a few miles northeast of Atlanta in Gwinnett for the Braves’ AAA ball club, he’s won three minor league championships, including the 2007 Governors’ Cup with the Richmond Braves. In 2003, Brundage was name Manager of the Year in Minor League Baseball. His minor league record is 873-809 (.519). He has also been instrumental in helping to develop many of the current Braves’ stars. However, skeptics say his skills may not transfer to the big leagues.
    Two other possibilities the Braves’ organization may look at in hiring a replacement are Terry Pendleton and Fredi Gonzalez.
    Pendleton is the current hitting coach for the Braves, and is in a ripe position to step in and become the team’s manager. A former player under Cox for five of his 15 playing seasons, Pendleton has a lot to offer the club in a coaching aspect. The batting averages of nearly 70 percent of Braves’ players have gone up while with Pendleton in Atlanta compared to their average of the previous three seasons. As a hitting coach, Pendleton has been phenomenal at bringing players to their potential quickly.
    Gonzalez, recently fired Florida Marlins manager, is a long shot, but not as long as some may think. He was the manager in Richmond for the Braves in 2002, and spent the next four seasons as third base coach for Atlanta. His career record as a manager is 354-361 (.495). Wednesday, Gonzalez was let go from his duties in Miami, but it was clear that many were unhappy with the decision, including Cox.
    Cox told the Florida Sun-Sentinel’s Juan C. Rodriguez he was very unhappy with the firing, and Marlins’ owner Jeffrey Loria, “thinks you change (for the sake of changing).”
    It looks like Gonzalez could be a front-runner after Cox, in my opinion, seemingly endorsed him for the job.
    Whomever the Braves choose, however, will have big cleats to fill.
     
  4. Moderator1

    Moderator1 Moderator Staff Member

    Take out "in my opinion," we know it is your opinion.
     
  5. CYowSMR

    CYowSMR Member

    "It looks like Gonzalez could be a front-runner after Cox, in my opinion, seemingly endorsed him for the job."

    Let me first say on this sentence, we discussed this in the office, and while it is an opinion column, we were thinnking I might need to cover myself on the statement.

    What do you think?
     
  6. CYowSMR

    CYowSMR Member

    That answered that question quickly! :) Thanks!
     
  7. expendable

    expendable Well-Known Member

    I know Cox has said this would be his last season, but I'm not going to fully believe it until they name a new manager. Especially, with some of the young talent that's on the roster now.
     
  8. CYowSMR

    CYowSMR Member

    You could be right, but for argument's sake, I say he is done. He liked the farm system aspect of the business anyway, and that's where he is going to be.
     
  9. ringer

    ringer Active Member

    This is much stronger.
    You gave MUCH better explanations of each candidate's skills.

    Now I think you just have to connect your points. You need a sentence saying why you think Brundage's minor league skills would trump Pendleton's for the job. And another sentence saying why Brundage's skills would trump Gonzalez's.

    But I just read it again...and now I'm a little confused. You start by picking Brundage, but in the end, it sounds like you've pick Gonzalez. Which is it?

    Also, remember to finish strong. If you're a columnist, you should avoid the temptation to hedge, especially in the kicker (i.e. "could be," "seemingly," "looks like," "in my opinion").

    Lastly, there were a couple of clunky sentences such as: "There are a few people, however, who do not think Cox has been a great manager due to having a spectacular pitching staff throughout the 1990s, yet winning just the one World Series." Huh? Do you mean a few people think Cox has underperformed as a manager because he has only captured one World Series, in [year tk], despite his spectacular piching staff during his [tk]-year tenure? (Kiss of death phrases to avoid: "there are" "due to having"... )
     
  10. CYowSMR

    CYowSMR Member

    I gave my pick early.
    I simply stated Cox "seemingly" gave his endorsement to Gonzalez and that could make him a front runner. I use seemingly because he never actually said, "Hey, give Fredi my job."

    Chunky sentences - I don't see the problem with the sentence (other than maybe "due to having" rather than simply "because")
     
  11. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    First sentence is backwards. Should read:

    Bobby Cox has given the Atlanta Braves 2,100 wins, 14 division titles, five pennants and a World Series championship.
     
  12. Drip

    Drip Active Member

    This is a nice story. It's not a column. Got a lot of facts in, which is good. I look forward to reading more stuff from you.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page