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I am young and looking for a critique of my work

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by pride of pleasantville, Mar 12, 2010.

  1. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    What about your parents?
     
  2. KJIM

    KJIM Well-Known Member

    Or another teacher? Maybe at a high school or junior college, or the editor of a school paper.

    You need to find someone you can sit down with and work at the craft. Throwing stuff up here and asking us to give you tips won't cut it. YOU have to be willing to put in the work and take the suggestions that are offered.

    One of those is to find your own resources to help -- teachers, parents, whatever. If you aren't willing to put in the effort on that one, you won't be going anywhere.

    You make a lot of excuses for why you can't, but excuses don't cut it. If you want to improve, it's your responsibility.
     
  3. Why? I can get no help there. And if you do not want to see my game recaps do not look. It is not hurting anyone.
    Also, to KJIM, I will see who can help. Thanks.
     
  4. BB Bobcat

    BB Bobcat Active Member

    Go easy on the kid. I think he's showing a lot of initiative by wading into this board with a bunch of grumpy old men. The mere fact that he's writing game stories for no reason other than to learn is good. That said, POP, you should definitely get whatever live help you can from a parent, teacher, whoever.

    As for what you wrote, get the score up there before any other numbers. Also, don't forget to say when the game was. It's debatable whether you need to say it was at Madison Square Garden, since the dateline says New York.

    Here's how I'd have changed your first few sentences, if I were editing...

    I think the part about Dayton winning it's third title can go lower in the story, since the others were so long ago.
     
  5. Thank you very much.
     
  6. KJIM

    KJIM Well-Known Member

    Speak for yourself, Bobcat. I'm not grumpy, old *or* a man. ;)

    BTW, "it's" -- it is. As in, "It's my pet peeve."
     
  7. Boom_70

    Boom_70 Well-Known Member

    Just filled out my census . Wondering if someone would take a look at it for me.
     
  8. Wenders

    Wenders Well-Known Member

    Same here, on all accounts.
     
  9. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    My point is that the workshop isn't a forum to post your life's work on here. While it seems neat to write short recaps, it really isn't encouraging him to be a journalist. His best bet is to just improve on general writing skills first.
     
  10. If I write something, and no one but say my English teacher sees it, how can it help me?
     
  11. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    At least you'll know how to write first.
     
  12. KJIM

    KJIM Well-Known Member

    IfI practice my pitching in the back yard if no one's around, how can it help me?

    If I practice my putting on the green all by myself, how can it help me?

    If I conjugate French verbs in my head three hours a day, how can it help me?

    If I practice my saxaphone alone a half hour a day, how can it help me?

    If I rehearse my speech in front of a mirror, how can it help me?

    If you have to ask yourself these questions... no, I'm not going to go there.

    Just practice. I hear it makes perfect.
     
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