Peter King is Scaring Me

[21]

That's nothing compared to the day PK ran out of TP at ORD:

'So I was dashing through O'Hare to catch my flight to Green Bay, a ridiculously tight connection on United (Delta would have been much more convenient but as you all know I no longer fly Delta and neither should anyone else), when nature called and I hustled into the men's room.

Balancing a venti double pump no whip mocha latte in one hand and my BlackBerry in the other, I used my left knee and right elbow to undo my belt and slacks, and figured I had a good four minutes before my flight began boarding.  Fortunately, I had eaten chili with Donovan McNabb and his mom the night before, so I really only needed forty seconds or so.

But then, if you can believe it....there was absolutely no toilet paper. None. Not even a little shred left clinging to the roll, just none. How hard is it for a major airport to hire a few professionals who understand how to change a roll of toilet paper. Incredible.

I didn't recall seeing a rest room attendant when I entered, those guys with mints and hairspray, so I sat for a moment considering my options, and then I called out: "Hey, hello? Is there any toilet paper?'  Nothing. Silence.  I tried again: 'This is Peter King of Sports Illustrated, I'm on my way to dinner with Brett, is there any toilet paper around here?'

Bottom line, no help was forthcoming. Fortunately, it was chilly when I left New York that morning, so I was wearing an extra t-shirt. United will get my bill for a replacement, plus a little extra for the spilled latte.

Memo to NBC, if Madden is no longer using that bus, please get in touch.'

[shockey]

That's nothing compared to the day PK ran out of TP at ORD:

'So I was dashing through O'Hare to catch my flight to Green Bay, a ridiculously tight connection on United (Delta would have been much more convenient but as you all know I no longer fly Delta and neither should anyone else), when nature called and I hustled into the men's room.

Balancing a venti double pump no whip mocha latte in one hand and my BlackBerry in the other, I used my left knee and right elbow to undo my belt and slacks, and figured I had a good four minutes before my flight began boarding.  Fortunately, I had eaten chili with Donovan McNabb and his mom the night before, so I really only needed forty seconds or so.

But then, if you can believe it....there was absolutely no toilet paper. None. Not even a little shred left clinging to the roll, just none. How hard is it for a major airport to hire a few professionals who understand how to change a roll of toilet paper. Incredible.

I didn't recall seeing a rest room attendant when I entered, those guys with mints and hairspray, so I sat for a moment considering my options, and then I called out: "Hey, hello? Is there any toilet paper?'  Nothing. Silence.  I tried again: 'This is Peter King of Sports Illustrated, I'm on my way to dinner with Brett, is there any toilet paper around here?'

Bottom line, no help was forthcoming. Fortunately, it was chilly when I left New York that morning, so I was wearing an extra t-shirt. United will get my bill for a replacement.

Memo to NBC, if Madden is no longer using that bus, please get in touch.'

classic, gf.

[slappy4428]

Bravo!!!!

[cranberry]

That's nothing compared to the day PK ran out of TP at ORD:

'So I was dashing through O'Hare to catch my flight to Green Bay, a ridiculously tight connection on United (Delta would have been much more convenient but as you all know I no longer fly Delta and neither should anyone else), when nature called and I hustled into the men's room.

Balancing a venti double pump no whip mocha latte in one hand and my BlackBerry in the other, I used my left knee and right elbow to undo my belt and slacks, and figured I had a good four minutes before my flight began boarding.  Fortunately, I had eaten chili with Donovan McNabb and his mom the night before, so I really only needed forty seconds or so.

But then, if you can believe it....there was absolutely no toilet paper. None. Not even a little shred left clinging to the roll, just none. How hard is it for a major airport to hire a few professionals who understand how to change a roll of toilet paper. Incredible.

I didn't recall seeing a rest room attendant when I entered, those guys with mints and hairspray, so I sat for a moment considering my options, and then I called out: "Hey, hello? Is there any toilet paper?'  Nothing. Silence.  I tried again: 'This is Peter King of Sports Illustrated, I'm on my way to dinner with Brett, is there any toilet paper around here?'

Bottom line, no help was forthcoming. Fortunately, it was chilly when I left New York that morning, so I was wearing an extra t-shirt. United will get my bill for a replacement, plus a little extra for the spilled latte.

Memo to NBC, if Madden is no longer using that bus, please get in touch.'

This stuff never gets old.

[Small Town Guy]

I like King, but this one left me feeling...uncomfortable. And I tried picturing Boom's reaction while reading it. Using the whole fist there, Doc?

July 20, Boston. Trip to the urologist. Regular checkup. Two docs. First doc examines me, and I should say he examines me thoroughly. He leaves and the other doc comes in. Very nice fellow, just like the first one. He puts on the rubber glove. Whoa! Whoa! This, uh, already happened! Second urologist wants to check out the situation for himself. Examines me a little more thoroughly. Other than the self-inflicted left-hand bite mark, all's right with the world. Gosh, I love vacation.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/07/26/camps/index.html?eref=sihpT1

In nonurological news, he did have some info on Dr. Z, who's still really struggling after the three strokes, and Jim Johnson, who's apparently in really bad shape.

[Captain_Kirk]

I like King, but this one left me feeling...uncomfortable. And I tried picturing Boom's reaction while reading it. Using the whole fist there, Doc?

July 20, Boston. Trip to the urologist. Regular checkup. Two docs. First doc examines me, and I should say he examines me thoroughly. He leaves and the other doc comes in. Very nice fellow, just like the first one. He puts on the rubber glove. Whoa! Whoa! This, uh, already happened! Second urologist wants to check out the situation for himself. Examines me a little more thoroughly. Other than the self-inflicted left-hand bite mark, all's right with the world. Gosh, I love vacation.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/07/26/camps/index.html?eref=sihpT1

In nonurological news, he did have some info on Dr. Z, who's still really struggling after the three strokes, and Jim Johnson, who's apparently in really bad shape.

Doesn't say the 2nd doc put the 'glove' on his hand now, does it?

[Ben_Hecht]

That's nothing compared to the day PK ran out of TP at ORD:

'So I was dashing through O'Hare to catch my flight to Green Bay, a ridiculously tight connection on United (Delta would have been much more convenient but as you all know I no longer fly Delta and neither should anyone else), when nature called and I hustled into the men's room.

Balancing a venti double pump no whip mocha latte in one hand and my BlackBerry in the other, I used my left knee and right elbow to undo my belt and slacks, and figured I had a good four minutes before my flight began boarding.  Fortunately, I had eaten chili with Donovan McNabb and his mom the night before, so I really only needed forty seconds or so.

But then, if you can believe it....there was absolutely no toilet paper. None. Not even a little shred left clinging to the roll, just none. How hard is it for a major airport to hire a few professionals who understand how to change a roll of toilet paper. Incredible.

I didn't recall seeing a rest room attendant when I entered, those guys with mints and hairspray, so I sat for a moment considering my options, and then I called out: "Hey, hello? Is there any toilet paper?'  Nothing. Silence.  I tried again: 'This is Peter King of Sports Illustrated, I'm on my way to dinner with Brett, is there any toilet paper around here?'

Bottom line, no help was forthcoming. Fortunately, it was chilly when I left New York that morning, so I was wearing an extra t-shirt. United will get my bill for a replacement, plus a little extra for the spilled latte.

Memo to NBC, if Madden is no longer using that bus, please get in touch.'

This stuff never gets old.

Since we know he's not goofing on his readership, this stuff remains
truly, truly remarkable.

[slappy4428]

I like King, but this one left me feeling...uncomfortable. And I tried picturing Boom's reaction while reading it. Using the whole fist there, Doc?

July 20, Boston. Trip to the urologist. Regular checkup. Two docs. First doc examines me, and I should say he examines me thoroughly. He leaves and the other doc comes in. Very nice fellow, just like the first one. He puts on the rubber glove. Whoa! Whoa! This, uh, already happened! Second urologist wants to check out the situation for himself. Examines me a little more thoroughly. Other than the self-inflicted left-hand bite mark, all's right with the world. Gosh, I love vacation.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/07/26/camps/index.html?eref=sihpT1

In nonurological news, he did have some info on Dr. Z, who's still really struggling after the three strokes, and Jim Johnson, who's apparently in really bad shape.

Doesn't say the 2nd doc put the 'glove' on his hand now, does it?

Milkshake. Screen. Fucker.

[TigerVols]

I like King, but this one left me feeling...uncomfortable. And I tried picturing Boom's reaction while reading it. Using the whole fist there, Doc?

July 20, Boston. Trip to the urologist. Regular checkup. Two docs. First doc examines me, and I should say he examines me thoroughly. He leaves and the other doc comes in. Very nice fellow, just like the first one. He puts on the rubber glove. Whoa! Whoa! This, uh, already happened! Second urologist wants to check out the situation for himself. Examines me a little more thoroughly. Other than the self-inflicted left-hand bite mark, all's right with the world. Gosh, I love vacation.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/07/26/camps/index.html?eref=sihpT1

In nonurological news, he did have some info on Dr. Z, who's still really struggling after the three strokes, and Jim Johnson, who's apparently in really bad shape.

Doesn't say the 2nd doc put the 'glove' on his hand now, does it?

What? Am I missing the part about the 2nd doc being named Favre?