I'm Peter King and Your Not

[Jackie Treehorn]

Where are these doctored photos of Mary Beth?

[The Big Ragu]

On the other hand....better to be a good person with very bad spelling and punctuation, than an eloquent wordsmith who steals balls from little children.

Speaking for those who edit King, his copy is anything but eloquent.

Cut the guy some slack. He puts some ridiculous things in MMQB, which make him look like an ass, and this thread has been really funny... but the guy can definitely report and write. His stuff in SI is very consistent and always solid. He's good at what he does. MMQB has turned into a widely read column that drives traffic to SI's website, and yeah, they don't edit him enough, but it's OK for what it is. Take out the idiotic stuff about his personal life, including the things that have made him look like a douche, and you are left with some pretty good football observations and insight. It's not as keen as it used to be, but it's still OK. I doubt many people here could turn something like that around as quickly as he does, so they get it up at SI's site by Monday morning.

[21]

I feel I should report that PK is on Cold Pizza at this moment, talking about how he made Brett Favre sit on a luggage cart in the stairwell of the Fairmont Hotel after the Super Bowl so they could talk privately about the future.  I think that's what he said.

(btw, agree with everything Ragu said above....the man has great access and he works it.)

[Point of Order]

.

[Boom_70]

Better get off the cell phone when you see Pete


http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/inside_game/peter_king/news/2002/09/30/mmqb/

I have determined that the worst thing about travel in the United States is the unavoidable problem of listening to loud cell phone conversations. Last Tuesday, I ventured to Washington to interview Arizona Sen. John McCain for a television story I'm doing for HBO, then to Baltimore to speak with Ray Lewis. On the way home, on my beloved Acela Express, these were the cell phone conversations I heard from seats near mine as northern Maryland begat Delaware:

Man, audible enough to be heard in the seven seats closest to him: "Hello? Yeah. I just wanted to check in with you, to see if you knew I was coming in tonight. ... I was at the Monkey Bar the other night. I said to Mike: 'This place is terrible! I gotta get you in some place that's decent!' ... The lyrics were unbelievable! Completely out of bounds! He is not stable. Not stable! Ha ha ha ha ha! ... No, tonight, I'm staying in when I get to New York. I'm sticking close to the vest. ... You're going to have to be wild enough for both of us tonight! ... Come on, it's a Tuesday! Who goes brewski-hopping on Tuesdays? Ha ha ha ha!"

Woman, audible for the nine people closest to her: "Amanda? ... Mom. ... You did? You did! Wow! I am very proud of you. Thrilled for you! ... How's she doing? ... Does she? ... Uh-huh. ... OK. ... Good. ... Do you have a lot of homework? ... What are you doing for dinner tonight? ... How's my little baby Jasper? Did you take her outside to do pee-pee? And number two? ... You are such a good girl! ... Does your Daddy want to talk to me? ... The toilet overflowed. ... Yeah. ... Have you checked online? ... OK. I'll be home late tonight. I love you."

[poindexter]

I thought my family took the Acela from D.C to NY.  We choose the "quiet car" and you could hear a pin drop it was so quiet.

[Ben_Hecht]

PK, meet mirror. 

Mirror, PK.

[21]

The part you didn't read:

'So i stood up and hollered, 'EXCUSE ME! I AM ON A VERY IMPORTANT CALL! WITH BRETT FAVRE! AND I CANNOT HEAR HIM, BECAUSE YOUR COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS ARE ANNOYINGLY LOUD!  THIS IS FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE US SOME PRIVACY!?'

It was a little quieter after that--I even snuck in a couple of extra calls to Mary Beth, who has really been worried about Big Papi, and also had bad cramps--but I did have to shush the young mother sitting near me a couple of times, I really don't know why people cannot sedate their babies before bringing them out in public.  Where is the courtesy?

But then all hell broke loose when the dinner cart came along.  Twenty bucks for a grilled cheese? That cannot be right!  What is happening in this country, when simple folks can't get a grilled cheese (okay, it was a triple decker with large fries and a banana split with two Cokes and a caesar salad, but still) for under twenty bucks?!  I explained to the dopey waitress who I was, that I was on my way to see Ray Lewis (did not mention John McCain, she might have been a democrat or a Muslim, you never know these days). Unbelievable! Refused to comp me! I plan to talk to Reilly and Rushin, we need to get cards explaining why we have the best job in the world, and should be comped.  SI has really fallen down on the job here.

I did feel better when the coffee cart came around.  Although it seemed ridiculous that they wouldn't take my Starbucks card, it had about $23 on it, and they were clearly serving Starbucks coffee, it said so right on the sign.  The guy with apron explained this was not actually a Starbucks store, it was a train, but I really believe they need to clarify right upfront.  I had a triple blueberry one pump vanilla half-caff two packet splenda latte. It was $4.98, I gave him a fiver and told him to keep the change. What the heck, I'm generous that way.

[Flying Headbutt]

The parody is just as good as the reality.

[Ben_Hecht]

Too marvelous for words.

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

I have determined that the worst thing about travel in the United States is the unavoidable problem of listening to loud cell phone conversations. Last Tuesday, I ventured to Washington to interview Arizona Sen. John McCain for a television story I'm doing for HBO, then to Baltimore to speak with Ray Lewis. On the way home, on my beloved Acela Express, I sat next to this Italian guy who was practically shouting into his cell phone. The guy starts shouting, "First Emma come, then I come, then two asses - they come together, then I come once more, then two asses come together one last-a time." The guy takes a breath and I can't believe the conversation. Who could be on the other end of the phone conversation? Ron Jeremy? The Raiders defensive line? The guy continues, "Then I come and pee twice and then I come one lasta time."

Even though I'm privately amazed at his prowess - I have to consider my public standing as the keeper of all that is true and right as far as the decorum of public travel. I tell the Italian man (in a voice loud enough to be heard by my section of the train), "Maybe where you're from people can rudely talk about their sex lives in public, but this is America and we don't do that here!"

The man looks at me like I'm a citizenship exam and say, ""Calm-a down tubby! I was just tellin' me son how to spell-a Mississippi!"

[Monday Morning Sportswriter]

When Peter the Queen quoted those Delta people, did he rip out his notebook?

Did he have a microcasette recorder running?

Then how on earth did he quote them accurately?

[Boobie Miles]

The part you didn't read:

'So i stood up and hollered, 'EXCUSE ME! I AM ON A VERY IMPORTANT CALL! WITH BRETT FAVRE! AND I CANNOT HEAR HIM, BECAUSE YOUR COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS ARE ANNOYINGLY LOUD!  THIS IS FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE US SOME PRIVACY!?'

It was a little quieter after that--I even snuck in a couple of extra calls to Mary Beth, who has really been worried about Big Papi, and also had bad cramps--but I did have to shush the young mother sitting near me a couple of times, I really don't know why people cannot sedate their babies before bringing them out in public.  Where is the courtesy?

But then all hell broke loose when the dinner cart came along.  Twenty bucks for a grilled cheese? That cannot be right!  What is happening in this country, when simple folks can't get a grilled cheese (okay, it was a triple decker with large fries and a banana split with two Cokes and a caesar salad, but still) for under twenty bucks?!  I explained to the dopey waitress who I was, that I was on my way to see Ray Lewis (did not mention John McCain, she might have been a democrat or a Muslim, you never know these days). Unbelievable! Refused to comp me! I plan to talk to Reilly and Rushin, we need to get cards explaining why we have the best job in the world, and should be comped.  SI has really fallen down on the job here.

I did feel better when the coffee cart came around.  Although it seemed ridiculous that they wouldn't take my Starbucks card, it had about $23 on it, and they were clearly serving Starbucks coffee, it said so right on the sign.  The guy with apron explained this was not actually a Starbucks store, it was a train, but I really believe they need to clarify right upfront.  I had a triple blueberry one pump vanilla half-caff two packet splenda latte. It was $4.98, I gave him a fiver and told him to keep the change. What the heck, I'm generous that way.

That's great stuff. I don't throw around lol's but I'm literally laughing right now.

[Boom_70]

By popular demand - Peter King - A Christmas Story"

Annoying Shopping Note of The Week:

Before a late flight to Greenbay on Saturday I decided to get up early and do a little Christmas shopping. I had noticed that Walmart was selling a DVD player for $6:50 and decided to get a few for the family and Brett.

The alarm went off at 4:45 am . Got out of bed quickly dressed and headed down stairs. As I headed out I noticed Mary Beth and the tight end were on the couch stretching. They must be headed out for early run I thought.

Stopped by to local 24 hour Starbucks and grabbed a venti egg nog latte with double whip cream-- $ 9.50 - what a country. It cost more to buy a latte then it does to buy a dvd player.

Pulled into the Walmart parking lot at 5:20. There was already a long line at the door which did not open till 6am. Got in line - the man in front of me had on his Nutley High School Football letter jacket. He had to be in his late 50's. Why does every one in Jersey still wear their letter jackets after they graduate.

By 5:40 the latte had run through me and I needed the bathroom. went to manager at door and said I'm Peter King I need to use the Mens room. The manager did not seem to recognize me and said I would have to wait. Good thing I had dark slacks on.

Finally the door opened at 6 am and there was a huge rush to the door. As I got inside I hear "Peter King what's up" It was Freddy Mitchel former receiver for the Eagles now the official greater for Walmart. I quickly said hi and told him I would see him on way out. I wanted to get a few of those DVD players before they were all gone.

Got to the electronics isle and noticed there was only one player left. A boy of 10 was pushing his grandmother in a wheel chair in direction of player. I needed that DVD more than she did. I stuck my foot out and tripped the boy and as he went down let go of the wheel chair and sent his grandmother careening into a candy cane display.  Quickly grabbed the last DVD player and headed to check out.

[Flying Headbutt]

I remember this one.  Hysterical.

[BigDog]

I hurt from laughing. There's no way PK doesn't know about this "tribute."

[write then drink]

I enjoy Peter's work

he's a pro

[BigDog]

Thanks for stopping by...

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

I think the old fake Larry King columns were really good too.

Too bad we don't have them around anymore.

[slappy4428]

Still have a fake Dwarf column around from when Tommy Amaker got hired....

[write then drink]

Thanks for stopping by...

yeah, no problem

while you guys are debating whether to cover a HS football game from the press box or the sideline, Peter is doing exceptional work that's read and enjoyed by a hell of a lot of people

the personal attacks I'm reading here are far worse than anything he's written

most of the posts in this thread are pathetic

[zeke12]

So you judge the quality of the work by the number of people who read it?

By that logic, the National Enquirer is the best paper in America.

Lighten up, man. Everyone on here reads MMQB. You have to to get the jokes. And when you write the personal asides PK does, you can't very well be upset about people making fun of it.

Think of it as an homage.

[BigDog]

Thanks for stopping by...

Peter is doing exceptional work that's read and enjoyed by a hell of a lot of people

True, except for the following groups:
1) Airline employees
2) Waiters
3) Men's room attendants (his gaseous issues have been documented on SJ before)
4) Frequent fliers
5) Onion-ring eaters

[zeke12]

You forgot Starbucks baristas and old guys from Nutley.

[slappy4428]

You know, we've debated the merits of print guys doing commercials before...
But now that PK is a TVgeek, why hasn't he scammed a Starbucks commercial yet... Or northern tissue or oust...or Delta.