Massacree in Five Part Harmony (Thanksgiving 2022 thread)

Was on the Oregon Coast, great weather, smoked turkey, frozen pumpkin pie, my niece and nephew smoking out as we gathered around the firepit outside looking at the stars. Should have been a tourism ad.

 

Fourth wave has arrived, headed by my cousin who smokes and is a bandwagon UGA fan. A/C pumping on a 59-degree day. Now 28 and counting in a 3-bedroom single story house.

 

Another couple hours, and a few more relatives, and they'll be fixin' to invade Pennsylvania.

 

I’ve told her that for years.

 

Told my mom point-blank that I didn't care if her and dad stupidly married someone they had only known for six months, that she needed to slow her damn roll and me and my new boyfriend were going to move at whatever pace we damned well pleased.

I then sent her and dad back to the hotel and made myself a hot toddy.

They will be departing for the 'Stan Sunday morning. It cannot come soon enough. It's amazing anyone in this family can nap, since no one will close their trap and enjoy the silence long enough to fall asleep.

At least there's sportsball all weekend long to entertain us and keep us off of the dangerous subjects.

 

I very intentionally left my plans at a vague “I’m meeting a friend from high school in town,” because I didn’t want to get people’s hopes up, especially mom’s. The only ones who thought to press the issue were my nieces, and they at least did it back in the bedroom where they were watching a movie with no one else around.

“What’s his name?”
“Uhh, Melanie.”

 

“Oh, you’re 38 now. Everything with a carb or sugar or an ounce of fat or ounce of alcohol is going to hurt now. Oh, I'm stating this retroactively after you’ve already eaten all of it.” - my body

Not eating carbs for months and then trying to eat one meal with them is a motherfucker.

 

Mrs. Flip and I slept until about 9 this morning. When we got up, her mom was packed up with suitcases in the car and her coat on. She couldn’t leave fast enough. I guess she’d had enough of LGBTQ+ teenagers, our cat, our filtered tap water which she said she couldn’t drink and whatever other made-up slights we’d shown her the past few days. There were no tears shed over her visit coming to an end.

 

Threads like this remind me of how amazingly lucky I am to love and really like everyone in my family.

 

You really are.

 

Last Labor Day (2021), my parents came out to visit me and point-blank told me if I didn't get a move on, I was going to die alone.
This year, I have someone that I introduce to them at Labor Day, and now Dad's having a whole-ass conniption.

Can these people make up their minds?

 

I gave them two grandkids, so the selfish portion for them is already covered. But I know they worry about me being alone.