Poin files: Cemetery edition

A woman working as a substitute teacher at Easton Area High School was charged Tuesday morning with institutional sexual assault on a 17-year-old male student after they were caught having sex in Easton Cemetery, city police report.

Kelly Aldinger, 49, of the Easton area, was found by a police officer at 1:06 p.m. May 6 having sex with the 17-year-old student in Easton Cemetery off North Seventh Street, Lt. Matthew Gerould said in a news release.

Aldinger is employed by Source 4 Teachers and placed at Easton High as a substitute teacher, Gerould said. The 17-year-old was at one point taught by Aldinger, Gerould said.

Easton substitute teacher caught having sex with student in cemetery, cops say





That second shot reminds me of the scene in "A League of Their Own" when Rosie O'Donnell's character is showing the picture of her boyfriend.

"Is that out of focus?"

"No, he really looks like that."

 

It's the little things with this one that make it great:
1) She looks like Phyllis from "The Office"
2) Her lawyer's office is in a strip mall between a Family Dollar and a Dominican hair salon. She's basically being represented by Lionel Hutz
3) How awesome is it that this is being reported by Channel 69?
4) The Channel 69 news anchor has a really weirdly shaped head. He looks like an alien.
5) I get the cemetery. If I'd hit that I'd probably wouldn't want to be around anyone who could judge me either.

 

At the risk of incurring the wrath of Amy Schumer, 6+

 

I'm super relieved this wasn't a case of a teacher having sex with a dead student, which is where the thread title first took me. I'm going to go microwave my head now.

 

A grave situation, for sure. She brought a sixer of Dead Guy and a Tombstone pizza for afterward.

 

The district outsourced its substitute teacher pool? I doubt they came up with $100 in savings that way.

 

Worked for He, Himself in Infinite Jest, so why not?

 

Or Saul Goodman.

 

I thought most school districts, except maybe the really big ones, did that? Always thought the subs are basically freelancers.

 

Why do I find cemetery sex in the daytime odd?

 

In the daytime is what you find odd about getting down in a graveyard?

 

Long day. Sentence structure slipping.