'A Child Development Expert Says Parents Should Never Punish Their Kids'

Slate piece, citing to an Atlantic piece about how parents shouldn't punish their children ever. That feels like an Onion construction that only journalists could appreciate:

Kazdin believes that the best way to change behavior is to intervene before the behavior happens. This can happen by directing your child with a gentle tone and giving her or him choices. For example, instead of yelling, “Time to tidy up your room” to a child who hates cleaning, a parent might calmly say, “It’s time to clean up your room. What do you want to be in charge of picking up?”

A Child Development Expert Says Parents Should Never Punish Their Kids. Really?

 

For more serious, and potentially dangerous, transgressions, Kazdin recommends figuring out what is motivating the behavior and combatting it with what he calls “positive opposites.” One does this by praising the child for the absence of the undesirable behavior

 

“We’re seeing a big movement away from punishment,” said Michele Borba, educational psychologist and author of the forthcoming UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. “We’ve got fifty or so years of research now on these issues and if you look at it, you can see it doesn’t work.”

 

I can't see any way that would go wrong.

 

"Godd boy, Jimmy, you didn't break your sister's leg today."

 

Indeed. And you can pick out in five seconds which kids and parents we're seeing it from.

 

That article really opened my eyes. I can see that I'm just a passive-aggressive co-culprit. By nagging kids when they do foolish things, I just enable their life script. And that sends them into a shame spiral.

 

The scary part is, you know who's the worst about falling for this shit?

School district officials.

 

This thread is just wonderful for my day off. Thanks a lot, Dick. #notgonnagetshitdonenow

 

Reminds me of one of my favorite Homer Simpson quotes. Someone asked him if he had ever thought of disciplining Bart. His response:

"Oh no. He hates that."

 

If you've been a parent for more than about six months, you doubtless are aware that there are no absolutes in in the job. What works with one kid doesn't work for another. What works one day might not work another day with the same kid. I'd suggest always love them, but otherwise words like "never" and "always" really need to be checked at the delivery room door.

 

That's so true, wannabe. All kids are different, and learning what works and what doesn't is mostly a trial-and-error process. We'll never spank our kids, but I often find myself being too rigid with my oldest until my wife reels me in. I'm not sure I agree with no punishment -- there have to be some consequences to some actions -- but I agree that giving choices empowers the kid to take responsibility for his or her actions. And praise is important. Always praise good behavior and hard work. This ain't the '50s, and dad ain't sitting around drinking a double scotch when he comes home.