Asking for a date ... for the kids

Another #DadLife question.
So we're in a good situation where we are because my wife's family is all around and there are enough cousins to play with.
However, I want my daughter comfortable playing with children who aren't related to her.
She gets along fine with all my buddies' kids, but since we only see them maybe once a month or so (god having kids makes you not hang out with friends as much anymore) I want her to hang out with kids she's going to be seeing for a while.
We're in a pre-pre-school program at the local elementary school and there's another girl there she gets along with. We're also in dance and there's a girl in there who she says is her best friend.
Now both parents in these situations seem not to be dicks, so I wouldn't mind having the kids play - but how in the hell do you ask?

 

Neutral location. Any playgrounds near you? McDonalds with a play house or whatever? Ask if they want to meet there to get the kids some exercise. Usually it's a short thing since kids have naps and lunch, etc., so you can feel them out a little. My wife met friends with kids through a workout group and she does that a lot.

 

It's pretty easy... Just find a way to run into the parents and say something like, "Oh, my daughter has been asking over and over to have your kid over to play. If there is any time that works, let us know..."

You will get the occasional parent who will be a dick about it, but most of the time they're pleased because it shows that their kid is making friends and whatnot.

Once you get past the first time playing together it gets infinitely easier from there...

 

First, run background checks on the parents and kids.

Second, those McDonalds playhouse things with all the balls are filled with germs. A friend swears his kids got sick every time they played in them.

But then again, it's a good thing to develop your kids' immune system and get them exposed and sick occasionally.

And, eating dirt, like us old timers used to do, is another good thing.

 

If one of the parents is a single mom, probably the best chance you're ever going to get at a threesome.

 

Walk up to the parents and say, "You're not one of those crazies who vaccinate your kids?"

 

Other good opening lines...

"Everything I learned about parenting, I learned from Jenny McCarthy."

 

"Hey, did you watch 'The Slap' Zachary Quinto's character is a hero of mine."

 

Don't be like the guy who came to my house the night before the NASCAR race at Indianapolis Motor Speedway 2 hours away. He asked if my son could go to the races with him and his son in the morning because it was his kid's 5th birthday and what his kid wanted for his birthday to go and take my son.

Uh, that's a no.

Maybe start smaller and with more notice.

 

Here's one I actually got... Keep in mind, this was the first time I met this guy. My oldest was 5 at the time.

"Oh, so you're (my oldest's name) dad. Great kid, great kid... Well, anyways we're taking the kids camping for about five days and Ryan keeps asking if he can bring a friend along. We've been doing that a lot since his mother and I split last month. Anyway, it will be me, my girlfriend, her brother and his girlfriend, so there will be plenty of adult supervision. I have a big tent so there's plenty of room for all of us. Let me give you my number..."

 

There's a kid in my oldest's class who twice has shown up at the door without a parent around dinnertime, asking if my son can spend the night that night. He's a nice kid, and he's been to my son's birthday parties, but he has two teenage siblings, one who is perfectly nice and another who has been arrested a couple times. His parents aren't bad people, but I wouldn't trust either to properly supervise a pet, much less children.

At the kid's last birthday party, my wife was supposed to drop my son off and come home, and instead she called me and said, "Uh, I'm going to have to stay for this one..."

When she walked into the house she saw the mother of my son's best friend, and my wife whispered to her, "Why are you staying?" and she said to my wife, "You'll see..." and then the mom hosting the party came around the corner with a giant tumbler in her hand and offered my wife a gin and tonic or a Long Island Ice tea. A loaded parent at her kid's eighth birthday party....

The dad is one of the most unintentionally hilarious people I have ever met. He has no filter. He was standing next to me at a kindergarten orientation and he leaned over and said, "Kindergarten teacher's got a great rack."

I just about fell over. To be fair, he wasn't wrong.

 

I was co-coaching our kids' T-ball (t-ball?) team with a buddy of mine, and I wasn't able to go to draft night. (We didn't draft based on ability; it was strictly to make sure you got your kids' friends on the same team, and then it was kind of up in the air.) So my co-coach buddy was there, and he knew a lot of the kids on the draft, and after we got our kids' friends on the team, he started drafting based on the hotness of the mothers.