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Freelancer Looking To Go Pro

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by rdavis414, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. rdavis414

    rdavis414 New Member

    Hello everyone!
    i recently began writing for a sports website (HoundSports - Top Dog in Sports and i am looking for some feed back on my articles. where can i improve? what am i doing well? any feedback will help! thanks.

    Yoan Moncada, A Good Fit with the Chicago Cubs?

    The Chicago Cubs and GM Theo Epstein finally played their hand this offseason by flushed the clubhouse full of new talent with All-Star acquisitions like manager Joe Maddon and Cy Young winner Jon Lester, but have spent their way into a sticky situation when considering if they can stash away another young prospect in Yoan Moncada. The prized Cuban infielder has already made headlines in the U.S before ever stepping foot in the batter’s box by reportedly expecting a signing bonus of $30-50 million cold-hard American before agreeing to a long-term deal. The question burning in every reporter and scout alike’s mind now=a=days circulates around what team will be a great fit for this young talent, and even though the Cubs have given Moncada a look with a workout, the timing of his arrival in the MLB may be too early for the Cubs organization to touch right now.

    The infield:

    Yoan Moncada has been evaluated as either a 2B or a 3B fit for any team he eventually signs with and with his 6’2” 205lb frame and switch-hitting ability, he also seems likely to anchor the clean-up spot in any team’s lineup. His agents have reportedly marketed him as “versatile”, but even if he is a utility player, the Cubs are already looking at a solid starting rotation in the infield before considering adding Moncada. Shortstop Starlin Castor and Firstbaseman Anthony Rizzo are the undoubted leaders, both of whom are coming of All-Star seasons offensively. Rizzo hit .286/43/78 in 2015 while Castro added a solid .292/16/45. Both of these positions come with some depth in the clubhouse as well, with sophomore Mike Olt looking to improve upon his rookie campaign at 1B and possibly 3B, and Chris Valakia’s ability to float between 2B, 1B, and 3B. Second base looks like it will see the most rotation throughout the year with Javier Baez, newcomer Tommy La Stella, and Arismendy Alcantra each getting a chance to earn their spot. The loser of the third base battle seems likely to assume the role of 3B, given that Olt needs more time in the minors, with Alcantra likely backing-up Castro if he falls victim to injury. 3B is the most likely fit for Moncada in this equation, but why would the front office spend nearly $50 million on a player who may end up 3rd in that battle for position anyway? Moncada has a huge offensive upside, but some Latin scouts have already divulged the biggest red flag in this deal.

    The Attitude:

    The Cubs signed Maddon this offseason not only for his expertise in molding young talent, but to bring a new, winning attitude back to the Friendly Confines. Jerry Crasnick of ESPN reported that one Latin scout used the word “arrogant” when describing the seeming effortless play of Moncada. “Maybe it’s because he has so much god-given ability, but the effort level running down the line concerns you sometimes” another one added. Some others have speculated that his love of baseball comes secondary to his love of his family, even citing that he calls his family daily and they speak for nearly half an hour. This hierarchy will in no way some way have a damning effect on his talent, but given that he has been scouted as “inconsistent” in regards to his effort, maybe Moncada needs some time to develop a callous over his homesickness. This factor alone makes his asking price too high to join the Cubs family.

    The Bonus Pool:

    Under some complex rules, each team is allotted a certain amount of money that they can offer during each offseason, and unfortunately the Cubs have already exceeded theirs. According to Baseball America’s 2014-15 International Bonus Pool and Slot Value chart, the Cubs grabbed the 4th slot and earned $2.2 million for a total of $3.9 million to spend during the signing period. The Cubs will need to wait until July3rd when the signing period is over before they can sign him, and given that Moncada’s representatives have set a tentative date of February 23rd as their signing deadline, it seems that landing this Cuban infielder is a longshot.

    Even though the Cubs have busily rebuilt their proud franchise with new talent this offseason, it seems like the time is not right to pursue Yoan Moncada, even if he could use some seasoning in the minors. Given the recent success of Cuban defectors such as Jose Abreu and Yoennis Cespedes, Moncada may turn into a multiple All-Star, and become one of the most feared hitters in the league. Right now, however, the fear that rests in most GM’s minds comes from the unknown intangibles of Moncada’s talent. Will he bring his A game every day? Will he have that Yasiel Puig sense of hustle and effort? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure though, the Cubs needn’t consider this opportunity lost, but waiting.



    Published February 16, 2015 at Yoan Moncada A Good Fit With Cubs? - HoundSports
     
  2. BDC99

    BDC99 Well-Known Member

    OK, I'll take a crack at it. Don't have too much time right now, but I will say that in addition to being way too long, your lead sentence doesn't say what you think it does. It doesn't make sense. You're trying to play off the playing a hand and flush, I would assume, but I don't see an easy way to make that work.

    I will also say that your English needs work. And you need to be specific. Joe Maddon is not an All-Star and Jon Lester is a FORMER (or 2010) Cy Young winner. Attention to detail is very important. And you need someone to edit your stuff if possible.

    When I get a few minutes in the next day or two I will go through it completely and get back to you. But please take it in the constructive manner it is intended. The only way to get better is to learn from your mistakes and continue to work at it.
     
  3. WriteThinking

    WriteThinking Well-Known Member

    Always capitalize "I." Seriously, it is one of the first and most glaring things people notice being wrong, even in this age of casual, abbreviated texting and typos-because-the-keyboards-are-too-small.
     
  4. BDC99

    BDC99 Well-Known Member

    Taking a stab at it. There are a lot of sloppy typos (Starlin Castor?) and you say 2015 at least once, referring to last season. And you misspelled Alcantara and Yoenis Cespedes (among other things). These are unacceptable mistakes. Always look up names and re-read/edit before you post or send a story. I edited/rewrote, and without the proper editing symbols, you'll just have to compare the two. But try to be less wordy. And never use phrases like "cold, hard American ...: Ever. And don't use shorthand (3B, .295/43/78, etc). It makes it tougher for the reader and doesn't look professional.

    Hope this helps a bit. And please don't take it personally. As for not capitalizing I, i have no problem with it in an informal post. :)


    The Chicago Cubs and general manager Theo Epstein finally played their hand this offseason, and the the clubhouse is flush with new talent like manager Joe Maddon and former Cy Young winner Jon Lester. But the Cubs have spent their way into a sticky situation as they consider whether they can stash away young prospect Yoan Moncada. The prized Cuban infielder has already made headlines in the United States before stepping in the batter’s box by reportedly seeking a signing bonus of $30 million to $50 million before agreeing to a long-term deal. The burning question now is which team would be a fit for the talented prospect. And while the Cubs have put Moncada through a workout, his arrival in the majors could come too quickly for the Cubs to be the right fit.

    The infield:

    Moncada is likely to play second or third base, and with his 6-foot-2, 205-pound frame and switch-hitting ability, he also is likely to man the clean-up spot in the lineup. His agents are marketing him as a versatile infielder, but even if he can play multiple positions, the Cubs already have a solid rotation in the infield. Shortstop Starlin Castro and first baseman Anthony Rizzo are secure as starters, with both coming off All-Star seasons. Rizzo hit .286 with 43 home runs and 78 RBIs in 2014, while Castro batted .292 with 16 homers and drove in 45. There is also depth in the infield, with Mike Olt looking to improve on his rookie campaign at first base and also able to play third, and Chris Valakia can float between first, second and third. The most unsettled position is expected to be second base, with Javier Baez, newcomer Tommy La Stella and Arismendy Alcantra getting a chance to earn the spot. The loser of the second base battle is likely to play third, with Olt likely to need more time in the minors and Alcantra likely backing up Castro. All this makes third base the most likely fit for Moncada, but why would the front office spend nearly $50 million on a player who could end up third in the battle for that position. Moncada has a huge offensive upside, but some scouts have already revealed the biggest red flag in this deal.

    The Attitude:

    The Cubs signed Maddon this offseason not only for his expertise in molding young talent, but to bring a winning attitude to the Friendly Confines. Jerry Crasnick of ESPN reported that one scout used the word “arrogant” when describing the play of Moncada. “Maybe it’s because he has so much God-given ability, but the effort level running down the line concerns you sometimes,” another scout told Crasnick. Others have speculated that his love of baseball is secondary to his love for his family. This will in no way affect his talent, but given that he has been scouted as “inconsistent” in his effort, Moncada might need time to get over his homesickness. This factor alone makes his asking price too high for Moncada to join the Cubs family.

    The Bonus Pool:

    The rules are complex, but each big-league team is allotted a certain amount of money it can offer during each offseason, and the Cubs have already exceeded theirs. According to Baseball America’s 2014-15 International Bonus Pool and Slot Value chart, the Cubs are in the fourth slot, earning $2.2 million for a total of $3.9 million to spend during the signing period. The Cubs will need to wait until the signing period is over July 3 before they can sign him, and Moncada’s representatives have set a tentative date of February 23 as their deadline. So seems that landing the Cuban infielder is a long shot.

    The Cubs have been busy rebuilding the franchise this offseason, but it seems the time is not right to pursue Yoan Moncada, even if he could get some seasoning in the minors. Given the recent success of Cuban defectors like Jose Abreu and Yoenis Cespedes, it is reasonable to think Moncada become an a feared hitter, but the fear that rests in most executives' minds comes from the unknown, despite Moncada’s talent. Will he bring his A game every day? Will he have Yasiel Puig's type of hustle and effort? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure, though -- the Cubs should not consider this an opportunity lost.
     
  5. rdavis414

    rdavis414 New Member

    thank you guys. no harm done with your critiques. i appreciate the fact that you took your time and dissected my article like that. i have been leaving little errors in my articles like the not capitalized "I" to see if the editors at houndsports are doing anything besides checking for red squiggly lines.
     
  6. Batman

    Batman Well-Known Member

    Never, ever do that.
    EVER.
    EVER.
    Did I mention you should NEVER do that?

    Your name is on top of the article, not the editor's. It doesn't make them look bad, it makes you look bad. For a young writer, especially, all it does is make you look like you don't know what you're doing. Like BDC said, read and reread your story and clean up whatever mistakes you find. Assume you are the first and last line of defense.
     
  7. BDC99

    BDC99 Well-Known Member

    And this is becoming even more important every year. Some places don't even HAVE copy editors anymore. And it should piss you off if you make a mistake on a story with your name on it. I've done it, and it annoys the hell out of me.
     
  8. rdavis414

    rdavis414 New Member

    Great stuff. thank you guys
     
  9. BDC99

    BDC99 Well-Known Member

    Just keep writing, and you'll get better. And feel free to post more here. I'll be glad to help if I have the time.
     
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